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That's one of the most depressing things that I have ever read on here. You sound very caught up on looks- both how you look at your ex's looks. If you are so self-conscious about losing your hair, I would get a good hair piece or get plugs, and maybe get Rogaine or whatever like my dad (it works!). My brother lost most of his hair with age (both grandfathers were bald as they aged as well). I actually have a preference for bald men but I admit many bald men cannot pull it off.
I have a full head of hair with locks down to just above my shoulder. I used to keep a shaven look, but I'm treated just a bit better with my locks than I was bald. And I could pull off bald.
I know a lot of sexy men with MPB. None of them shave their heads completely bare.. The few I know who do, look overly severe and awkward.
Go to a decent barber once in awhile. Get them to cut your hair very short. They'll clean up the edges and you'll look great. Wear a ball cap if you're feeling uncomfortable.
Mostly you're stressed because of the breakup. Your sudden physical change doesn't help.
Take some time to heal emotionally. Travel to new places. Get lots of exercise and eat well. Maintain a healthy social life.
You'll gradually recover and feel better in the long run.
Hey guys, I have posted this on some other forums but I would like to hear from you as well.
A month ago my girlfriend and I decided to break up...the break up was really peaceful, it was more like an amiable agreement to end the relationship rather than those crazy fights most people go through.
We were in a relationship of 4 years. The relationship was very good, at least the first 3 years. We had quite a strong bond, we could talk about anything with each other and no one of us, even if the topic was emotional for us or heavy we never attacked each other or insulted or manipulated others reaction, we spent a lot of time at the beginning of the relationship building trust and being empathetic with each other at the best of our abilities. We really loved and supported each other.
Personality wise, we were really a good match, not once it happened that I have been complemented by our or my friends that we are one of the happiest couples they saw...and we really were, I doubt that anyone who knew us would say otherwise.
Things were this good until 1 year ago...since then our relationship started going downhill...
The problem was...balding...I lost most of my hair due to MPB which is genetically inherited.
I started losing my hair 3 years ago, 1 year deep into our relationship. My girlfriend knew about this since it started and she laughed it off at the begging she said she does not care and that only shallow people care about this and this should not be a block to my happiness. This reassurance from her made me feel really good...even though I was very insecure about it having her love and assurance that I am the most attractive to her compensated for all that insecurity of mine.
The thing is, for the first 2 years the hair loss was quite slow and it did not really show, I had a haircut that made it look like I actually had a full head of hair even though I thinned a lot. But at some point 1 year ago, my hair loss started accelerating insanely fast, I was in shock because I expected to have it for at least 3-4 more years considering how things were going till that point...
So, in the last year I lost so much hair that I had to shave it because it looked horrible. (I took Propecia and minoxidil for a while and it helped slow it down for a while but they stopped working at some point plus I was having side effects).
Frankly, I look horrible with a shaved head, I am not one of those guys who can pull this look off, I also cannot grow a beard. This is the reason we broke up guys...
For the last year, I noticed that our relationship was not what it was before, my girlfriend seemed more distant and emotionally closed off, she would not laugh at my jokes as lively as she used to, she was much more often in a bad or depressive mood, in short she became much less happy.
Whenever, I asked her what the problem was she would always tell me it was because of X,Y,Z reason (that was almost never related to me or the relationship). Eventually, after months and months of her being this way she told me it was because she was not physically attracted to me anymore and no matter how much she tried getting over this or pretending it did not matter, the reality it was that it mattered...
Before I started losing my hair we were both 7-8 in looks (she was a 9 with make-up on), and we looked really good as a couple. A lot of people told us that we looked lovely together and are a perfect match.
But after I lost most of my hair and had to shave...I went really low down the attractiveness ladder. In my opinion, and a lot of other peoples opinion I became a 3-4 or maybe a 5 if you are really generous. I asked a lot of people anonymously and I about 80% rated me indeed as a 3 or 4 which was really hurting by the way...
So it was this disparity in looks that made our relationship fall...my girlfriend got prettier with every year and I got uglier. We started to look really weird as a couple since she was so good looking and I was down there.
She hid that she cared about this for so long because she knew how much I care about my hair and how insecure I was about it, she cried and hugged me after she confessed this to me after moths of silence and assured me she will not abandon me and will try to do everything in her power to make the relationship work even though I was cursed with baldness. We tried for a couple more months make the relationship work but it was impossible, she just could not bring herself to not care about it even though we tried everything. And I cannot blame her, being physically attracted to your partner is essential no matter how many people try to hide this fact.
The only option was us breaking up. We did in a very diplomatic and calm fashion.
I never knew how bad this will hurt...in the day of the break-up, strangely enough I did not feel much of anything but day after day the depression and pain started settling in...and man does it hurt... I am also more insecure about my physical attractiveness than ever and since we broke up I have not left the house. I am too anxious and depressed to be productive anymore.
Sad post dude. First, if your girlfriend left because you went bald, she did you a BIG favor, because she was superficial and you don't need that. Second, as a guy who is folically challenged. I can tell you first hand that being bald or hair loss has NEVER stopped me from getting a date. I had a full head of blonde hair until I was 35 and then like you, the top part of my head thinned out almost overnight. That is when I started going to the barber every two weeks and getting the old number 3 guard all over treatment. I have done that for years.
I was never a fan of shaving my head because like you said, it doesn't look good shaved. But a short cut and not trying to pretend I have hair loss works fine for me. Balding has never been an issue, doesn't bother me in the least and never cramped my love life. There are a lot of women for whatever reason prefer a bald guy over a guy with hair. If you are a good looking guy (well built and good facial features) hair means nothing.
It never personally bothered me and I have buddies who are super sensitive about hair loss, but you need to try to do your best to get over it. Things will be ok.
OP, I nix the ball cap suggestion. They look dumb. Use your situation to develop some flair, your own unique style. Find a trendy or classy fedora in a cool color. Make it your signature look. Work out a wardrobe to support a cool image--get creative with it. Get inspired: you're an artist using your own physical form as a canvas. Come up with some cool, yet comfortable, threads to go with your hat/s of choice. It's the New You! This should give you some confidence. And develop a winning personality to go with it. Best of luck--you can do this! When life throws you lemons, work out a killer lemonade recipe!
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 07-11-2016 at 11:25 AM..
Yeah but after 4 years of being with someone you would think her " love " for him would be too deep for that to effect her surely?
That's what's hinky about the story. It sucks for the OP, regardless, but generally someone who's been in a relationship for years doesn't up and decide that something that's affected her SO for almost that whole time is suddenly a dealbreaker. She's using the baldness to distract from the real reason she dumped the OP.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 07-11-2016 at 11:28 AM..
That's what's hinky about the story. It sucks for the OP, regardless, but generally someone who's been in a relationship for years doesn't up and decide that something that's affected the OP for almost that whole time is suddenly a dealbreaker. She's using the baldness to distract from the real reason she dumped the OP.
Yeah it very much looks that way fleetie
After 4 years of being in " love " it's the same as just walking up to them saying " sorry mate I'm leaving you because you're too fat now!! "...... Which wouldn't happen as its too insensitive and incredibly rude so there has to be something else going on ......
Poor bloke.
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