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So...I was dating a co-worker for about 4 months, and things were going great - we hit it off immediately, liked the same kinds of music, etc, and enjoyed all of our dates. We were making plans for the summer (weekend trips, concerts, etc), when she suddenly broke things off after a great weekend together. The suddenness of it made things awkward, but since we work together and love our jobs, we soldiered through. I was never angry w/ her for ending things, but disappointed in how it worked out, and told her that from the beginning.
A few weeks ago, she found out I was dating someone new. I had heard she was too, and it wasn't a big deal for me, aside from that fleeting emptiness in your gut when you find out your ex is in a new relationship. She and I talked about it briefly, and we both genuinely seemed happy for each other.
Last week, she starts hitting me up and sending photos of her doing fun things. These things involve water sports, so she's wearing a swimsuit. Nothing scandalous, just more than I'd expect from her. Then she wants to meet up and have drinks, which we do. We have a nice long talk and catch up. At the end of it, I genuinely feel a lot of affection for her, and I really do miss hanging out with her. I've heard around the grapevine that she's single again, and I'm just dating around (or trying to, heh), but we haven't talked directly about it. It's very obvious to all of our mutual friends that she's lonely and a lot of them are telling me she wants to get back together.
She's having a party this weekend, and has asked me to come by. All of our co-worker friends will be there. I'm going to miss it b/c of other plans that I made, but I don't know how to go about trying to hang out with her and see where things go. It feels like that New Year's eve scene in 'When Harry Met Sally', and it's driving me bananas.
And here's the rub: I think we could have a beautiful friendship, and possibly grow something more, but we are really incompatible with a lot of important things (life goals/expectations, spirituality). We'd have to come to a consensus on these issues if we were to get serious. In addition, I'm concerned that she's used to volatile relationships - the way she broke up w/ me was so out of the blue, I'm afraid of that happening again if we were to become romantic. Last time, I was able to recover from it and not let it get me, but once we're emotionally invested in each other, a sudden breakup will obviously be so much more difficult.
And here's the rub: I think we could have a beautiful friendship, and possibly grow something more, but we are really incompatible with a lot of important things (life goals/expectations, spirituality). We'd have to come to a consensus on these issues if we were to get serious. In addition, I'm concerned that she's used to volatile relationships - the way she broke up w/ me was so out of the blue, I'm afraid of that happening again if we were to become romantic. Last time, I was able to recover from it and not let it get me, but once we're emotionally invested in each other, a sudden breakup will obviously be so much more difficult.
Is it possible that you're somewhat of a rebound? I don't mean this to be offensive, but you have to think about it.
She broke up with you and started dating someone new, then they break up and she's back to you again. I don't know the timeframe of all this, but it's something to think about.
Incompatible life goals and expectations can be worked around. You can talk those things out and people can change their minds. I don't see this being a show stopper.
Spirituality on the other hand could very well be. I can't count the number of relationships that I've seen end because "it's what God wants". Depending on her spirituality and yours, doctrine or scripture could forbid the relationship. If she or you decides to get serious about religion one day, that could pose a serious problem.
Personally, the leaving out of the blue thing would really worry me. I'd be inclined to sit this one out.
I do wonder about being a rebound. When we hung out, I made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested in that. I feel that in the four months we've been broken up, I've had a lot of growth, and maybe even outgrown her. At the same time, we did have an incredible time together, and I wouldn't mind re-visiting that.
I do wonder about being a rebound. When we hung out, I made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested in that. I feel that in the four months we've been broken up, I've had a lot of growth, and maybe even outgrown her. At the same time, we did have an incredible time together, and I wouldn't mind re-visiting that.
Well, if we're gonna be honest with ourselves, if everyone here says "don't do it", but you want to, are you actually gonna not do it?
If you do decide to get with her, you could keep it as a casual thing for several months and see how it goes.
Also, in regards to the rebound thing, I'm not entirely sure she would know or believe that you're a rebound even if you are. It's more like she broke up and still longs for the feeling of having someone with her that she can date and do all the things that come along with a relationship with. She remembers having good times with you and forgets why she broke up with you so she comes back. Then if it works at as it seems a lot of rebounds do, the initial thrill of it will wear of relatively fast and she'll be back at square one.
She could genuinely believe you're not a rebound and you might still be.
Also, Disclaimer: I don't know her, I don't know if that's a possibility or not. These are just things to think about.
I do wonder about being a rebound. When we hung out, I made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested in that. I feel that in the four months we've been broken up, I've had a lot of growth, and maybe even outgrown her. At the same time, we did have an incredible time together, and I wouldn't mind re-visiting that.
As long as you would be fine with getting dumped out of the blue again, go for it.
You're incompatible as to life goals and spirituality? So.....it was a good thing that she broke up with you? Because you didn't see a future in the relationship anyway? Do you realize that this is what you're implying? I'm just trying to understand.....
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Do you realize that this is what you're implying? I'm just trying to understand.....
