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Your friend should have sought marriage counseling - like two years ago!!!
For her to say "Hurry up and finish" would have been a deal-breaker for me! Sorry, but it's either bedroom reconciliation or we're finished! I'm not condoning his having an affair, but if his wife won't give him the necessary physical loving, then what else can he do? Me, I'd put my foot down: it's either a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer!
Really, this isn't that difficult to understand. It's biological and consistent with the general theory that men are wired to be hornier (testosterone) than women. (Yawn to the "women can be just as horny" crowd, yeah okay).
So logically, men are going to have the opinion that if they are not getting fed at home, go hunt for dinner to take care of that hunger pang.
The lack of sex isn't the problem in most deteriorating marriages- its everything else.
It sounds like they've found a solution that works for them. It would be better if they'd openly reached an agreement to have an open marriage, though. Or even if he'd informed her that he was unilaterally opening the marriage, and she could do what she wished about that. Still, given that she unilaterally broke the marriage vows first, there is no marriage left except legally, so IMO he is perfectly justified to do what he's doing. If they could divorce, I'd suggest that as an even better option.
While I didn't cheat in my sexless first marriage, I wouldn't have felt any guilt if I had. She ended the marriage in all but name first. I eventually ended it legally.
I'm surprised that "women are appalled" that a young guy would not tolerate a sexless marriage.
But perhaps they are ignorant about the sex drive of a normal male. For guys, the need for sex is like the need for air. Nature made it that way to ensure the survival of the species.
However, if their arrangement works for them, good for them.
Your friend should have sought marriage counseling - like two years ago!!!
For her to say "Hurry up and finish" would have been a deal-breaker for me! Sorry, but it's either bedroom reconciliation or we're finished! I'm not condoning his having an affair, but if his wife won't give him the necessary physical loving, then what else can he do? Me, I'd put my foot down: it's either a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer!
Right!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rise of virtue
The wife should be happy that he's found someone else to have sex with since she doesnt want to. Serves her right.
Everything she does I would use that phrase!
At dinner: "Will you hurry up and finish!"
Doing laundry: "Will you hurry up and finish!"
When she's in the bathroom: "Will you hurry up and finish!"
When she's signing the divorce papers I handed her:
"Will you hurry up and finish!!"
I've seen it goes both ways, where the husband has no interest and the wife steps out. Surprised? No. Appalled? People do done crazy [Mod cut.] when they're starved for affection, but I believe the best policy is to be honest about what you're doing and be prepared to face the consequences.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-30-2016 at 06:51 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
Thanks for the replies. And to clarify, he's not young. He's in his early 50's, and has been married over 20 years. This happened a little after the 10 year mark. He abstained for maybe 2-3 years. Although I understand the "try to have an open relationship" comment, I don't know too many couples that would go for that. His needs are clearly being met by the other woman and him and his wife still have a cordial relationship and enjoy their children and seeing them accomplish things in life. A divorce would ruin them financially and set them up for a terrible retirement. I did mention to him about having the conversation but know he has expressed his frustration with her (but they never really had the sit down talk). I didn't suggest the marriage counselor because frankly, I think they are a waste of time (my wife and I went to one once in our life, and pretty much solved things without her help...we both thought she was useless and realized we were just not doing the things we used to do ....taking vacations, date nights, etc.)
For those that suggested the marriage counselor route, take a moment and be the counselor. How would you respond if she simply said that sex was painful for her after the birth of their children and that she simply wasn't interested in it any more but that she enjoys all other aspects of their marriage? That was actually one of the reasons he believed to be the issue (he thought she was pretty ripped apart after the 2nd child was born and had an extremely painful time trying to deliver that ended in a C section)
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