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Maybe this is it, OP. Maybe she thought you'd planned a make-out session out in the middle of nowhere, and felt awkward and trapped. But she still wants to see you. At this point you'll have to respect her cues, and take things very slowly. You seem smitten by her, but she's not there yet, because (?) she's still working through a breakup. But she likes you, and your stealing a kiss didn't turn her off, which I guess is a good sign. So go with it, but let her be the one to signal (eventually) that she's ready for a kiss. She's been very clear so far that she's not at that point yet.
The problem with taking it slow with her is that it's going to take forever to figure out if she is actually interested in him romantically.
If he's going to take it slow, he would then need to talk to her about whether or not she wants to be more than just hangout buddies. If she hesitates, tells him she isn't sure, or says something about still getting over previous exes then that's his cue that he is headed towards tampon-zone.
During our 2nd dinner, she asked about the "type" I fancied. I teased around with the answer. She expressed some sort of frustration with her hair. She was persistent about knowing why I did not fancy short hair, but this discussion felt so "off-track" to me. I indulged her anyway. Hers was very long. I'm trying hard not to induce a cringe here, but one could write poetry about how beautifully it falls off her shoulders. Bottom line: She wanted to go rogue... super short, Charlize in The Gunman kind of short. I went all diplomatic at first, but with every outing she seemed set on "rebelling". I attributed this entire topic to age and didn't stress over it.
Early this morning, I received a text from her saying it was "over". It was like a bucket of ice water pouring over me as I got out of bed. The email telling me that I won the bid on that project didn't even wake me up like that. She waited a few minutes later before she sent me a picture of the "new look". It wasn't bad. Not my type, but seeing her so happy about it just made me happy too I guess.
- "Now that was one hell of a war !" was my silly response.
- "What do you mean ??"
- "It's chic, I love it"
(silence...an hour later)
- "Did you buy those tickets to the movies or not yet ?"
- "No, can't make it ?"
- "I have so much to do, I'm really sorry"
- "ah no big deal" (this was my mouth talking. i won't say what my brain was saying)
(silence...another hour later, she calls)
- "Hey, I have a question for you"
- "Shoot"
- "Did you just pay the bill for the salon ?" (laughing)
- "Uh, no." (i didn't !)
- "Ok, I know this would be you, but I'll call you right back"
(going nuts thinking about my competition, 15 mins later, she calls back)
- "Hey, what are you up to ?"
- "Just pickin up a steel mallet at home depot. What's up ?" (shaking head)
- "I was thinking maybe we could grab a quick lunch"
- "I'm gonna have to pass because I need to fix my fridge before the gathering"
- "Gathering ?"
- "The guys wanted to have a beer to celebrate my project" (she knows about the project)
- "Oh (pauses awkardly), ok, I was just so hungry and tired"
- "Chicken sub, netflix, and hit the bed...best medicine" (tried my best in being eloquent)
(another awkward pause a couple seconds)
- "I'll catch up later, get some rest !"
Suddenly, it felt like the magic was dissipating. That poster who mentioned something about waking up... you deserve a beer.
Also suddenly, the range was calling. Headed out with smith, the guys, and wesson for some real magic.
It's over, but she wanted to get together? This happened in another poster's situation, too. What does she want, to explain why it was over, and end it amicably? Are you sure it's over, OP? Maybe she was talking about her hair; the decision was over, here's here new hair?
I'm staying tuned for further developments. BTW, you sound like a great guy. Unlike a certain raccoon on another thread. Never mind, don't ask.
Also, don't panic. If she wanted to see you so much, I wouldn't assume it's over. It's too easy in these situations to assume the worst, and give yourself a sinking feeling. It's good that you're turning your attention elsewhere, and enjoying a good hunting weekend, or time at the range, so you're not dwelling on the situation too much. When you get back, you could text her, "hey, I had a great day/weekend with the guys. How are you? Are you up for (lunch, dinner, whatever)?" See what happens. (That's me--ever the optimist. )
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 09-03-2016 at 02:44 PM..
During our 2nd dinner, she asked about the "type" I fancied. I teased around with the answer. She expressed some sort of frustration with her hair. She was persistent about knowing why I did not fancy short hair, but this discussion felt so "off-track" to me. I indulged her anyway. Hers was very long. I'm trying hard not to induce a cringe here, but one could write poetry about how beautifully it falls off her shoulders. Bottom line: She wanted to go rogue... super short, Charlize in The Gunman kind of short. I went all diplomatic at first, but with every outing she seemed set on "rebelling". I attributed this entire topic to age and didn't stress over it.
Early this morning, I received a text from her saying it was "over". It was like a bucket of ice water pouring over me as I got out of bed. The email telling me that I won the bid on that project didn't even wake me up like that. She waited a few minutes later before she sent me a picture of the "new look". It wasn't bad. Not my type, but seeing her so happy about it just made me happy too I guess.
- "Now that was one hell of a war !" was my silly response.
- "What do you mean ??"
- "It's chic, I love it"
(silence...an hour later)
- "Did you buy those tickets to the movies or not yet ?"
- "No, can't make it ?"
- "I have so much to do, I'm really sorry"
- "ah no big deal" (this was my mouth talking. i won't say what my brain was saying)
(silence...another hour later, she calls)
- "Hey, I have a question for you"
- "Shoot"
- "Did you just pay the bill for the salon ?" (laughing)
- "Uh, no." (i didn't !)
- "Ok, I know this would be you, but I'll call you right back"
(going nuts thinking about my competition, 15 mins later, she calls back)
- "Hey, what are you up to ?"
- "Just pickin up a steel mallet at home depot. What's up ?" (shaking head)
- "I was thinking maybe we could grab a quick lunch"
- "I'm gonna have to pass because I need to fix my fridge before the gathering"
- "Gathering ?"
- "The guys wanted to have a beer to celebrate my project" (she knows about the project)
- "Oh (pauses awkardly), ok, I was just so hungry and tired"
- "Chicken sub, netflix, and hit the bed...best medicine" (tried my best in being eloquent)
(another awkward pause a couple seconds)
- "I'll catch up later, get some rest !"
Suddenly, it felt like the magic was dissipating. That poster who mentioned something about waking up... you deserve a beer.
Also suddenly, the range was calling. Headed out with smith, the guys, and wesson for some real magic.
It might feel like the magic is disappearing but I'd say you are fielding her silly plays ("Did you pay my salon bill?" Blahaha...) very well so far. If I missed it, how old is she?
I'm begining to think she's either very young -under 30(??) ...or an older one who needs a lot of attention and "chase" from men. The only way I know of to succeed with the attention needies, is to put em on borderline "ignore" for awhile.
It might feel like the magic is disappearing but I'd say you are fielding her silly plays ("Did you pay my salon bill?" Blahaha...) very well so far. If I missed it, how old is she?
I'm begining to think she's either very young -under 30(??) ...or an older one who needs a lot of attention and "chase" from men. The only way I know of to succeed with the attention needies, is to put em on borderline "ignore" for awhile.
Right, because it could never be the case that she's shy, or she's getting over a bad breakup plus a deep personal loss (parent or sibling dying? We have no idea), or that she's not into makeout sessions after a couple of dates--kisses, not to mention--full makeouts, have to mean something to her first. No, it couldn't possibly be so straightforward and sincere; it must be about game-playing or using someone to distract her from her sorrows. That's the way people are; they're insincere and devious, so we have to be on our toes and have our decoder rings handy so we can spot the ruses and call people on it. Like a certain raccoon on another thread, who blasts his dates out of the water as users or flakes if they don't respond to his texts soon enough.
Never mind...don't ask.
It sounds to me like she's proceeding with caution and wants to take things slow. I don't know why that's such a bad thing. Maybe she's been burned one too many times and wants to do things differently this time by being careful. That's not a bad thing.
Just chill out and go with the flow. It sounds like things are going fine. I don't know what you're so worried about so early on in this courtship. Take some time to get to know each other and don't be in such a huge rush.
Yep. This. ^^^^
I say, "Enjoy her company. Get to know each other. What's the rush?"
She's probably not interested in you more than just as an emotional tampon.
These were your clues: "She was grieving from a loss she suffered last year, broke up with her ex months ago, and was quite focused on work", as well as sharing the gossip with you.
Women who are into you will not bring those things up other than in a passing manner.
Do you really need to say "emotional tampon"? You're connoting something so negative...just because she MAY be after friendship rather than romance doesn't mean she's looking for tampon...maybe the OP just didn't appeal to her and that's nothing on the OP, just how it goes. Why fault anyone?
It sounds to me like she's proceeding with caution and wants to take things slow. I don't know why that's such a bad thing. Maybe she's been burned one too many times and wants to do things differently this time by being careful. That's not a bad thing.
Just chill out and go with the flow. It sounds like things are going fine. I don't know what you're so worried about so early on in this courtship. Take some time to get to know each other and don't be in such a huge rush.
Yeah, I don't know why this would be so hard to get one's mind around. This is not uncommon. It's not at all unusual for women to move more slowly than men.
OP, in any case, it did sound like she had something on her mind that she wanted to talk to you about.
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