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You're going to get a lot of different answers because every situation is unique.
When my now-wife and I moved in together she was still finishing school and only working part time while I was working full time. We didn't split any utilities or decide on a percentage, etc. We pretty much just figured out what she could afford each month and she just gave me that dollar amount. Everything was paid on my end.
We eventually had a joint bank account set up primarily so she could be added to my health insurance as a domestic partner. We used the account for household expenses, but it became a little complicated for my taste, having her's, mine, and ours.
Once we got married we closed her bank account and now have only joint accounts. I know some couples prefer to have separate accounts even after marriage, but for me it is a lot simpler to just have "our money". I wouldn't do that before marriage though.
How do non married people today share the costs of living together (rent, food, utilities, etc.)?
In this particular situation, the man makes more than the woman (probably about 35% more). They both have separate apartments and will be getting a place together in January, with the goal of engagement and marriage in the near future.
Should they set up a joint checking account and pay all operating expenses from there while keeping their own individual checking accounts?
Should each contribute (into the joint checking account) toward combined expenses what they were paying as an individual and any excess spent on them as a couple (or saved for the "big day")?
Should man contribute 65% and woman 35% (based on earnings differential).
She has a car they use together, should that be part of the mix?
Should all activities they do together (meals, movies etc.) come out of this "pool".
How should individual expenses be handled - clothing, guys or girls night out, gifts for friends (his vs hers).
I'm hoping any responses will be about the financial questions raised and not about morality or religion.
Any thoughts on this?
In bold... Yes!!
I would call it the "Family Account."
Then you keep what you think you will need for that week or two until payday. The rest goes in Family account.
Bills and expenses come out of the family account as well as you both recreating.
Always have your own account separate from family.
You don't have to put up with socialism at home. Split the expenses 50/50. Why should how much one person makes force them to pay more or less than their fair share. Nobody charges you based on income for food or gasoline.
However suits them both.
I'm a little confused why you would need anyone to tell you.
Been some really surreal threads on here recently, does nobody actually think for themselves any more ?
And does nobody actually talk to their partner any more, just ask the internet everything they are thinking to get validation ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
I think people try to get a feel for what's typical, to help inform their decisions, so they ask around.
Precisely, both parties have different opinions and are open to knowing what other people think or what has worked for them. Isn't that one of the things public forums are for?
Every couple should do what works for them. There is not right or wrong answer.
With that said, I have never found a system that works perfectly.
With my two long term relationships, we shared one bank account that I managed and paid all bills. When I sat to pay bills, I would find not enough money, as the spendthrift had blown it at convenience stores and whatever else. I always heard " I make plenty of money and should be able to spend it on whatever I want."
A live in relationship, we kept seperate bank accounts and I had to always ask him for money to cover his portion. I hated asking for money from him.
The last, we had separate accounts. I paid all household bills, he paid groceries. I never had any money left and he complained about having to pay every time we did something other than sit home.
So basically, I have no idea why system works. Sharing finances with someone else sucks most of the time.
How do non married people today share the costs of living together (rent, food, utilities, etc.)?
In this particular situation, the man makes more than the woman (probably about 35% more). They both have separate apartments and will be getting a place together in January, with the goal of engagement and marriage in the near future.
Should they set up a joint checking account and pay all operating expenses from there while keeping their own individual checking accounts?
Should each contribute (into the joint checking account) toward combined expenses what they were paying as an individual and any excess spent on them as a couple (or saved for the "big day")?
Should man contribute 65% and woman 35% (based on earnings differential).
She has a car they use together, should that be part of the mix?
Should all activities they do together (meals, movies etc.) come out of this "pool".
How should individual expenses be handled - clothing, guys or girls night out, gifts for friends (his vs hers).
I'm hoping any responses will be about the financial questions raised and not about morality or religion.
Any thoughts on this?
My thoughts are that I would rather live alone. That way I don't have to worry about all that other stuff.
I was in the same situation as you, OP. My ex bf earned about 35% more but had no car/drivers license.
We moved together and it was a constant struggle with figuring out who pays for what even though we split the rent 50/50.
He agreed to pay for gas if I drive him somewhere (he usually took busses). We had an account for groceries.
When he got groceries, he bought expensive stuff, while I buy bottom shelf things.
I felt weird asking for gas money every time I drove him somewhere. I felt like he should pay more than that because when we did something on the weekends, of course I had to drive, I paid the insurance, ...
The fights ended once we put ALL our money into ONE account. None of us felt having a disadvantage because it evened out. We had different spending habits but overall ended in a good balance. I spent more on clothes, he spent more on drinks while going out. I worked only part time but took over the house duties and cooking.
We put some of our money in a savings account. Once we broke up, we split our stuff and accounts amicable and both had a nice chunk of savings.
I've noticed that my bills haven't really gone up drastically.
The mortgage/taxes/insurance were all the same and I was paying them before she moved in anyway. I didn't have to expand or get a bigger place or anything. I think the only bill that's significantly gone up, is the electric bill. I tend to keep the air not as cool and heat not as warm, when I was by myself. I figured I didn't need the air to be on 72 or 74 degrees or whatever. The electric might have slightly went up due to her using her hair dryer too. I also sat in the dark half the time, always have. Like I'd have the TV on and no lights on in the living room. She doesn't like watching TV in the dark like I do, but she'll turn them off if we're watching a movie, especially a scary one or a scary TV show. The water might have went up slightly, due to two people using the shower, toilet and sink, as opposed to just one.
Of course money spent going out places and eating out has gone up, but that's an expense that you'll have being in a relationship, regardless of if you're living together or not.
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