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I've been seeing/talking to this girl for almost a month. We met online on October 17th and pretty much hit it off right away. Lots and lots of texting, like pretty much every day. We have a lot in common and never struggle to find something to talk about..I am quite shy and have mild social anxiety, so this is rare for me to find someone i can talk to so easily. I like her a lot, she likes me. We have hung out twice, two weeks apart. She lives 45 minutes away and doesn't have a car or license, so that's why the hanging out has been so sparse. She's quite new to the US, she moved to FL from PR in January and from FL to NC where we're at now in October, she doesn't really know anyone.
The problem. The first time we hung out, after we watched a movie together cuddled up on my bed in my room, we started kissing. Once we started kissing I almost immediately started feeling sick, and I actually had to focus pretty hard on not throwing up while we were kissing. I had to stop twice because i honestly thought i was going to throw up. Got over it, clothes start getting removed, all seems well, then when the "crucial moment" comes....well, I lose it. Mod cut. That day, it was about 6PM and I hadn't eaten anything all day and I do have IBS. I was able to blame it on that. We went to a movie later that day and she didn't seem too disappointed or anything luckily.
We continued texting over the next 2 weeks, when we finally got a chance to hang out again yesterday. Again I bring her up to my apartment we watch a movie cuddled up on my bed we're both laughing and loving cuddling with each other, etc. We had a movie to catch at 6 again but we started kissing again around 520. The sickly feeling started again, but it wasn't as bad as the first time. I had to stop once which turned out to be the stopping point as we had to leave to catch the movie. When I stopped I had that "i feel like i'm going to throw up" feeling again, and had a pretty yuck burp Mod cut. The day before, when we discussed hanging out on that day, she sent a series of texts that said "gotta warn you though..." "no sex :P "
I assumed it was her period or something idk, but I thought that would take the pressure off when kissy time came again. It didn't. Seems like if there was no movie to catch sex would have happened.
My question is [bleep]. Why am I feeling like I am going to throw up when I start kissing her? I REALLY like her a lot, she is absolutely gorgeous easily the most beautiful woman I've ever had that's interested in me. It's really very, very frustrating. I want to kiss her and be with her. I'm afraid that next time the crucial moment comes my guy will disappear on me again. Google says this is performance anxiety and it's all in my head. Pretty sure I can get over it but not if i have to consciously focus on not [bleep] puking before even getting to that point.
Any insight, advice, anything? We are both 25. I take amitryptiline and dicyclomine for my IBS and depression/anxiety.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-09-2016 at 12:17 PM..
Reason: Not PG-13; inappropriate language.
Feeling like you're going to throw up every time you kiss someone? Sounds horrible.
It's beyond frustrating. This has only happened one other time, when I was 19 and attemlting to cheating on my girlfriend at the time. I attributed that to feeling guilty and never tried cheating on anyone again. With this girl, I have no reason to feel guilty. I haven't been in a relationship since June, and that was only a 6 month long one.
Or you were genuinely feeling sick the first time, so you were worried about it the second time. You were thinking "Don't feel sick! Don't feel sick!" so much that it made you sick.
I don't think your meds are working....what's been your experience with other women? This woman has been pretty nice - it can't be easy for her thinking she's making you sick, regardless of how you explain it! One more time and it's over, I'm afraid. Obviously neither of you have invested much at this point so why not just say it's not working?
OP, do you generally have anxiety feelings like this on specific types of occasions?
See a physician quickly. A mild anti-anxiety medicine might help. Also, Viagra might add some extra confidence, because it can overpower anxiety in some cases."
But first, I think you should level with her. Preface the conversation with what you told us:
"We have a lot in common and never struggle to find something to talk about"
"this is rare for me to find someone i can talk to so easily"
"I REALLY like her a lot, she is absolutely gorgeous easily the most beautiful woman I've ever had that's interested in me. It's really very, very frustrating. I want to kiss her and be with her [emotionally and sexually]"
All this might explain some of your anxiety as well, by putting a lot of pressure on you to meet what you think are her expectations. Since she seems to like, too, there is a good chance she will value your honesty and try you help you overcome whatever is causing the anxiety. A lot of performance anxiety, and some deeper kinds as well, are situation-related. Take the pressure off yourself: she's just an ordinary girl from Newton Grove (or wherever). No more, No less.
In fact, I had to use that mantra to calm myself down after just meeting this radiantly gorgeous, sex-loving girl who became my wife, only in danish. Turned out, she was just that, thank God.
you sound like you might have performance anxiety.. maybe get a little pill just for the 1st time so you can see it will be fine and still preform (when shes ready)
so she doesnt want to have sex yet... thats good.. so that should take some pressure off you and you can just enjoy kissing her, try to
Are you certain you are physically attracted to her?
Sounds like your body is trying to tell you something.
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