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I’m 24 and my good male friend is 30. I have a boyfriend for 4 years, he has a girlfriend for a few months but I guess that’s still without exclusiveness (because he already cheated on her with 2 other girls)
Me and my friend have a lovely relationship, we respect each other a lot and have a lot of fun doings sports and outdoor activities. Lately I have gotten more feelings for him, above friendship. My boyfriend, who I love a lot, knows this because I’ve always been honest with him about everything. (me and my boyfriend love each other a lot but have been not very good for over a year and are discussing to break) I have informed my friend that I started to like him in another way, and he responded nicely saying “I’m surprised, I didn’t know, you are so lovely and cute but I don’t see you in a romantic way” Because he met me and my boyfriend at the same time and he never thought about it, he says. One month has passed since I’ve told him that, but since that exact day he has become SO much closer to me and tries to see me more instead of less. (If he is not into me should he not be trying to see me less after what I told him?) Now I’m trying to read by his behavior if he lied and actually does like me than more than a friend, since he became so close to me, or that he sees this as a chance to play with me because he knows I like him a bit. (that would make him an ******* friend) In general he is a very touchy person with everybody, hugs a lot with his close male + female friends or squeezes their cheeks (female friends) but in a sweet way, not flirting. With me he is like this too, but much more than with the others. He gives a lot of affection without ever trying to get me in bed, but he is also kind of needy for affection, that’s the person he just is. Lately we’ve been seeing a lot of movies with friends together, and at each movie we end up sitting next to each other and he takes my hand and interlocks his fingers with mine, for the whole period of the movie! Everybody could see it. I thought it was very sweet, stroking my hands, arms and fingers and legs. During the movies he always has another girl on his left side (he had sex with her recently but we are all friends and she didn’t know I have some feelings for him) but he never ever takes her hand or takes care of anyone else like does with me. I feel protected by him (for example I’m always cold and as soon as he notices he puts a jacket or a blanket over me and holds me until I’m not cold anymore. He also plays a lot with my ponytail lately, like he loves to touch my hair. Now, last week at the movie we were alone at his house and we were holding hands again with interlocked fingers. Like he usually strokes my legs and feet, this time his hand was on my upper leg for the first time and I didn’t like it because I would never want to encourage any sexual behavior while I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend. But…without me having to say anything his hand left my upper leg again and he just took my hand and it was all sweet again. After the movie I asked him if I should worry about his hand being on my upper leg and he made a weird face saying “If I wanted to do something I would have done it” (Am I wrong if I think that showed some respect towards me? He could have just grabbed my other parts like he did with the other girls he cheated with, but the fact that he never did leaves me not sure what is going on in his head) Then I asked “Why are you holding my hand, what does that mean?” I made him clear that’s not a normal thing for “friends” to do and in my opinion that stands for something much more, and a deep connection. He said “yes - we are friends, but we do have a deep connection and it’s a sign of affection and it makes me feel good, but I don’t think we have to show love only to boy and girlfriends because people in this world don’t show their love enough”. I reminded him I also have a boyfriend and would not cross the line, but I felt guilty with those hands (yes people I know that was on the border of cheating, but I know I would not, and I’ve honestly told my boyfriend about this too) I am always very honest about my thoughts to both my boyfriend and him, and I also kind of let this hand holding thing continue because I wanted to figure out for myself what I feel when we do, and why he would be doing this. It felt very natural. Then we just sat there in a hugging position for a bit, while he told me that he appreciate how honest I am and that I’m a little angel. I also told him then that I think he lies about how he really feels about me because actions matter more than words, and that he has to take time to clear his head because I feel like he doesn’t know what he wants. (and I’m still not sure how to handle all of this either) He kind of smiled then but didn’t answer on that. Now….from all the above, I would like your opinion if you believe that he actually does have feelings for me but is hiding it because of the mess in his head and because my boyfriend is his friend too, or he sees me as his cute little puppy friend, or is taking advantage of my affection when I told him I like him a bit (what kind of **** friend would do that?) If that’s the case this friendship should be over as soon as possible but I find it extremely hard to determine what is going on in his head. Maybe he just never made a sexual move to me because I have a boyfriend, but I like how he never tried, while still showing a lot of affection to me. I believe that shows he respects me. He also said he loves me several times and that I’m really special (not sure on which level he means that, but I know him well enough that he is not saying that to trick me) Note: obviously he is very manipulative towards his “new girlfriend” which makes him not trustworthy in that aspect, because he already cheated on her twice and told me he doesn’t really love her and thinks he is not in love with her. On which I replied “it seems like you just like to idea of having a girlfriend without having actual feelings“ So, I don’t want advice if this is a possible dating candidate for me because he is obviously not in a good state of mind of what he wants right now, but I just want a clue of what he is doing to me and what his meaning is? What makes the situation very messed up is that everybody involved in this story is friends. My boyfriend is obviously not happy with this situation but because I’ve never kept it a secret from him he appreciates that, and he does think I should take some time with myself to figure out what I want and make up my mind.
If you have a boyfriend why are you interlocking fingers and such with this dude?
You are playing with both of their emotions. Shame on you!
Why even ask what the guy is feeling. It's like a kid looking at the cookie jar. Duh, he wants the cookie but keeps getting the look. He touched the lid once and was asked why. Duh! He wants the cookie!!
I honestly don't know why your boyfriend hasn't dumped you.
If you have a boyfriend why are you interlocking fingers and such with this dude?
You are playing with both of their emotions. Shame on you!
Why even ask what the guy is feeling. It's like a kid looking at the cookie jar. Duh, he wants the cookie but keeps getting the look. He touched the lid once and was asked why. Duh! He wants the cookie!!
I honestly don't know why your boyfriend hasn't dumped you.
If you have a boyfriend why are you interlocking fingers and such with this dude?
You are playing with both of their emotions. Shame on you!
Why even ask what the guy is feeling. It's like a kid looking at the cookie jar. Duh, he wants the cookie but keeps getting the look. He touched the lid once and was asked why. Duh! He wants the cookie!!
I honestly don't know why your boyfriend hasn't dumped you.
I 2nd this and girl I gave you advice through a DM and I told you this isn't going to work. You need to realize that if you want a monogomous relationship he is not your guy and if you were to be doing that with a friend and I was your boyfriend, I would have left you. This is disrespect to him and yourself because you want more than to be caught in a confusing love triangle with these men. I always advise not being too close to opposite sex friends, you can hangout but not often and not too long. Feelings are are bound to happen with anyone(part of being human) so try to move past this unless you want to hurt yourself and others.
Classic case of trying to keep an S/O on the back burner while you test out the field.
Not cool.
If you're not interested in working things out with your boyfriend, break up with him and THEN find someone else. Otherwise you just look like you're trying to have your cake and eat it too.
That all sounds so innocent, holding hands and cuddling and being by his side at the movies and blankets. If the situation was reversed....? Haha! I would never think that was ok, would you? In fact I couldn't do that, so...I just don't even get it.
What's the question? If you thought it was ok, you wouldn't be asking.
If this post is any indication of the real you, you talk too much, push too hard to impose your own ideas on him of what's best. You're talking to yourself. Give him room to show himself without challenging him.
What kind of horrible person would do that to their boyfriend. OP, let you bf go so he can find himself a woman who wants to be with him.
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