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I am not sure why you are even debating continuing on? Being alone is better than being with someone who even early on can't treat you nicely. There will be other men to date in the future, and being without a man for now isn't the worst thing in the world.
It doesn't matter to me what he drives. My greater concern is that he's 49, rents an apartment, works part-time as a swim instructor, and is going to community college. He ultimately wants a bachelor's, but when I ask what he wants to do once he gets it, he has no answer. He seems to just want the degree so he can say he has it.
I don't have a college degree, but I make really good money at a job I've been at for 24 years. I have a pension and a 401K. I own a home. I'm certainly not looking for someone to "take care of," nor do I need to be taken care of. On our last date, he asked if my company provides a pension. Another red flag or is he just curious? I don' t want to over-analyze, but I don't want to be stupid about this, either. I do over-analyze A LOT, and I fear it's going to keep me from finding a suitable partner.
LOL. OP, just lose the guy. I have to say though when I met my husband at 43, he also was renting not even a proper apartment but more like a shack. And is a milk delivery guy who collects unemployment when school is out coz he is out of work when school is out. And has a junk car.
We live in that shack for 2 years. Now, he has a way better job, promoted many times with pay increase in his present job. Making more money. Bought us a house with HUGE backyard. Like honestly the backyard lot is bigger than the house which curiously is ALL the same case in our neighborhood. And bought a 'fancier' car he calls it a chick car, LOL.
I married him coz I don't own a house like you or have a job with pension and he treated me right and still is, well most times.
If I were you, with the bolded? I will choose a man that is equal or more of what I have going on. And that was the case with my husband even when he was still living in the shack.
Have to say though, blessing in disguise was that his employer lose that milk delivery account/customer which was school districts. So he was laid off. Or else we may still be living in that shack. He likes that job for some reason, work there for decades.
Last edited by asianrocker; 02-01-2017 at 03:19 PM..
It doesn't matter to me what he drives. My greater concern is that he's 49, rents an apartment, works part-time as a swim instructor, and is going to community college. He ultimately wants a bachelor's, but when I ask what he wants to do once he gets it, he has no answer. He seems to just want the degree so he can say he has it.
I don't have a college degree, but I make really good money at a job I've been at for 24 years. I have a pension and a 401K. I own a home. I'm certainly not looking for someone to "take care of," nor do I need to be taken care of. On our last date, he asked if my company provides a pension. Another red flag or is he just curious? I don' t want to over-analyze, but I don't want to be stupid about this, either. I do over-analyze A LOT, and I fear it's going to keep me from finding a suitable partner.
Jesus H. Read your post. Why on earth would bother dating this guy??? What's absurd is that you are here asking about it.
It doesn't matter to me what he drives. My greater concern is that he's 49, rents an apartment, works part-time as a swim instructor, and is going to community college. He ultimately wants a bachelor's, but when I ask what he wants to do once he gets it, he has no answer. He seems to just want the degree so he can say he has it.
I don't have a college degree, but I make really good money at a job I've been at for 24 years. I have a pension and a 401K. I own a home. I'm certainly not looking for someone to "take care of," nor do I need to be taken care of. On our last date, he asked if my company provides a pension. Another red flag or is he just curious? I don' t want to over-analyze, but I don't want to be stupid about this, either. I do over-analyze A LOT, and I fear it's going to keep me from finding a suitable partner.
OP, if it was only that this guy is "49, rents an apartment, works part-time as a swim instructor, and is going to community college", but had a sweet personality and treated you really well, I would say his current status wouldn't be a deal breaker - some people are late bloomers, who knows what situations are in his past.
What the BIG RED SIGNS are include his treatment of you on your first dates, and the really creepy thought that he asked you if your "company provides a pension". That is not okay, not appropriate, and I would say "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER"...drop that man altogether and require more for yourself. This is not a good prospect, and being without a partner is better than being mistreated by one. Best of luck to you!
OP, if it was only that this guy is "49, rents an apartment, works part-time as a swim instructor, and is going to community college", but had a sweet personality and treated you really well, I would say his current status wouldn't be a deal breaker - some people are late bloomers, who knows what situations are in his past.
What the BIG RED SIGNS are include his treatment of you on your first dates, and the really creepy thought that he asked you if your "company provides a pension". That is not okay, not appropriate, and I would say "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER"...drop that man altogether and require more for yourself. This is not a good prospect, and being without a partner is better than being mistreated by one. Best of luck to you!
Lol, that's exactly what I say to myself when red flags appear.
Seriously op, he has shown disrespect from day 1. Be kind to yourself & do not see him again. I know it's sometimes hard to be alone but this guy appears to have no respect.
He reminds you of your abusive ex and you're wondering if you're overanalyzing his actions? I'd say his actions are telling you something loud and clear. I sense you're thinking "he's better that not having anyone", if that's the case you're WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!
Its much better to be alone than be with someone who dismisses your suggestions, gets exasperated when you can't keep up with him and is interested in your finances! You deserve much better than this, please dump him ASAP.
Well now, aren't you just a little ray of sunshine!
Is this more about the guy being incompatible or more about not wanting to date around and meet different people? It seems like when people beat an issue to death like this, there's more lurking beneath the surface.
Last edited by weezerfan84; 02-02-2017 at 02:20 PM..
I'm a firm believer in going with your gut, especially if you've always been able to trust it in the past. I know what it's like to wonder if you'll be single for the rest of your life and the feelings of despair that come with it, but I think in this case you'd be better off being single and available to meet someone else vs tied down with someone who has your Spidey sense working overtime.
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