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Oft times, I hear people who are in a bad marriage complaining, about that person they're with, and why they have left or want to leave them.
Of course, I did the same thing, but remained single. Oh, I tried dating and was extremely gun shy, due to some very bad choices in my life. I used to think my marriage was a waste of precious time out of my life, but then started realizing from this to, there was something for me to learn, as there is in every uncomfortable situation in life.
I started self examining, and stopped finding fault with my ex, and instead, realized, I had to figure out, why I made such a bad choice. When I did that, I found out so many difficiencies in myself and realized the reasons for my bad choices.
I learned so very much, and concluded that the man I was married to, did the very best he could have done, mentally and we were certainly not mentally compatible, morally. He was incapable of being loyal, to himself and to others.
But why did I chose him? I saw flags lots of them, but ignored them, b/c I thought I had to be with someone to be successful. Thought I needed help with the bills, etc....married for all the wrong reasons and chose the first one who came along, showed me some attention, who wanted to be married, but came with a whole lot of baggage. I knew it, but ignored it.
So, onward and upward I trodded after the divorce. I love people and talking with them, listening to their stories, and love men, b/c to me, they have the most interesting stories to tell. But realized, I was one of those people the Bible talks about. It says somewhere in the Bible, that marriage isn't for everyone. And it certainly wasn't for me. I've had many people tell me in the past, that I'm so independent and I am....and have been since a small child.
So, my thoughts are this....
Do you still blame your spouse for such a bad marriage, or, have you realized by being alone and doing some self examination, that maybe you married for all the wrong reasons.
People are people, some are loyal some are not, some are not so condident, others are, some are more needy then others, and I'm wondering, can you now identify why you made the mistake of choosing the wrong person for you?
NOTE: What have you learned from a bad marriage about yourself....
Oft times, I hear people who are in a bad marriage complaining, about that person they're with, and why they have left or want to leave them.
Of course, I did the same thing, but remained single. Oh, I tried dating and was extremely gun shy, due to some very bad choices in my life. I used to think my marriage was a waste of precious time out of my life, but then started realizing from this to, there was something for me to learn, as there is in every uncomfortable situation in life.
I started self examining, and stopped finding fault with my ex, and instead, realized, I had to figure out, why I made such a bad choice. When I did that, I found out so many difficiencies in myself and realized the reasons for my bad choices.
I learned so very much, and concluded that the man I was married to, did the very best he could have done, mentally and we were certainly not mentally compatible, morally. He was incapable of being loyal, to himself and to others.
But why did I chose him? I saw flags lots of them, but ignored them, b/c I thought I had to be with someone to be successful. Thought I needed help with the bills, etc....married for all the wrong reasons and chose the first one who came along, showed me some attention, who wanted to be married, but came with a whole lot of baggage. I knew it, but ignored it.
So, onward and upward I trodded after the divorce. I love people and talking with them, listening to their stories, and love men, b/c to me, they have the most interesting stories to tell. But realized, I was one of those people the Bible talks about. It says somewhere in the Bible, that marriage isn't for everyone. And it certainly wasn't for me. I've had many people tell me in the past, that I'm so independent and I am....and have been since a small child.
So, my thoughts are this....
Do you still blame your spouse for such a bad marriage, or, have you realized by being alone and doing some self examination, that maybe you married for all the wrong reasons.
People are people, some are loyal some are not, some are not so condident, others are, some are more needy then others, and I'm wondering, can you now identify why you made the mistake of choosing the wrong person for you?
NOTE: What have you learned from a bad marriage about yourself....
Paul said, in the bible after his spouse died, it is better to remain single if you have room for it. However, he said it's not bad to marry but warns you will have tribulation of the flesh if you do. Then afterwards encourages people to remain single because it is so much easier.
I'm glad you are happy Creme. You've always been one of my favorites on here. Enjoy your singleness.
Paul said, in the bible after his spouse died, it is better to remain single if you have room for it. However, he said it's not bad to marry but warns you will have tribulation of the flesh if you do. Then afterwards encourages people to remain single because it is so much easier.
I'm glad you are happy Creme. You've always been one of my favorites on here. Enjoy your singleness.
Thanks so much for your support....have a very happy weekend.
My situation was a bit unique because my ex is/was a BPD person, undiagnosed. Being younger, I wasn't aware (nor was she I don't think) of the situation. We didn't live together first, prior to marriage either (dated 2 years). About a month after the wedding and the ink was dry on that nasty legal document.....oh Boy! Luckily....I got out before it took over a huge chunk of life.
There were some red flags but I wasn't educated enough back then on screening human basic psychology , plus I jumped in with both feet- marrying her prior to actually living with her a bit first.
So- now I pre screen indirectly anyone I get involved with ....first .
4) Within reason, always put the other person's needs first
#2, #3, and #4 are a team effort. It falls over if both don't participate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luck-67
My situation was a bit unique because my ex is/was a BPD person, undiagnosed. Being younger, I wasn't aware (nor was she I don't think) of the situation. We didn't live together first, prior to marriage either (dated 2 years). About a month after the wedding and the ink was dry on that nasty legal document.....oh Boy! Luckily....I got out before it took over a huge chunk of life.
There were some red flags but I wasn't educated enough back then on screening human basic psychology , plus I jumped in with both feet- marrying her prior to actually living with her a bit first.
So- now I pre screen indirectly anyone I get involved with ....first .
4) Within reason, always put the other person's needs first
#2, #3, and #4 are a team effort. It falls over if both don't participate.
yes, indeed, never be afraid of being honest; always asking questions and also explaining situations so the person doesn't think your pulling one over on them...open communication is a must.
and yes, always put the other person's needs first....
and I'm going to add one....
5) Never ever give up your own identity to keep peace. Be exactly who you are...don't bury your head in the sand.
I learned a lot.
Probably most important was that I'm responsible for my own life and my own happiness.
Another person doesn't complete you, you need to complete yourself before you find someone.
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