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Me (22) and my boyfriend (23) were together for 1,5 years and he broke up with me last week. His main reason for breaking up was that he sees that I love him more and he said he'll never be able to love me as much as I do. He also said he had understood that he's actually not ready for relationship. Last month we were fighting a lot, mainly because my jealousy and I felt like he didn't care about me. While breaking up with me he said that we can be friends and see each other cause he still cares about me, but there must be no intimacy (holding hands, cuddling, sex etc). I agreed, because I don't want to lose him and then I can still at least be friends with him. 2 days after break up he texted me that he couldn't sleep and he's starting to have a depression which he last time had when I met him for the first time. He wanted to meet the next day. He brought me flowers and when I asked him why, then he said that he just wanted to. We just talked how we've been and while he was driving me back home, he held my hand!? He also said that he wants to see me soon again. So we met 3 days later, yesterday, went to the cinema and he had brought me flowers again? After that we went to his place, we were both very tired and fell asleep on the couch. When we woke up it was already 1am and he said that I can spend the night if I want to. When we got to bed he started cuddling and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex and I had never seen him so affectionate while having sex! After that he said that he's really happy and we fell asleep, cuddling. In the morning he kissed me and asked if he could drive me to work. Again, during all this time he held my hand and said he can't wait to see me again?
To be honest, in a weird way I'm enjoying this current situation, cause he's giving me all these compliments and is overall more caring than ever before.
Since I've never been in this kind of situation before, I wanted to ask what do you guys think about his behaviour? Why is he acting like this and what could be his motive? And what's up with all these flowers and affection? He didn't even brought me flowers when we were actually together. I'm just so confused.
He has a background of sexual abuse it appears. Now he's placed boundaries where he is the one who initiats sexual relations and wants no pressure otherwise. Not that you pressure him but for now on, just act uninterested if you want to have an active sex life. Give him the neutral love he wants, cuddling even if his "members" get excited. Just keep the affection non sexual unless he is really into it and making a ton of moves. Even so keep "petting" but don't initiate anything.
After a few years, you will see a result. Slowly he will get better but don't initiate affection aside from the innocent of holding hands, a hug here or there. Kiss on the cheek. Keep it G rated. PTSD can irrupt at any time. Also see if he is trying to date others on the side, in case it isn't PTSD
But ... but ... the hoochie is so much more fun than walking away!!!
Ah yes, the benefits of a booty call without the negatives of a relationship.
Those were the days.
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