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You are a living, breathing reminder of things she did that she is ashamed of and that she wants to keep hidden from the people in her life now who know her as a completely different person.
She wants to control you because she is afraid of what the revelation of your "relationship" would mean in her life as she has arranged it.
How is that? If I were writing a movie script, that's how I'd frame it.
OP: No one here would have any way of coming close to figuring out the motivation of your ex and if you do not want her to contact you then quit allowing the contact and block all of her access via text, phone, email, etc.
Seek professional guidance for whatever issues you think you need help with and if you really want the answer that may or may not be the truth, ask your ex not random strangers who have no idea who either of you are.
Several people have. You just seem to be unwilling to see it.
So her contacting me and sending me mixed signals is not a problem with her? I don't understand how that's possible, since I never contact her on my own.
You are a living, breathing reminder of things she did that she is ashamed of and that she wants to keep hidden from the people in her life now who know her as a completely different person.
She wants to control you because she is afraid of what the revelation of your "relationship" would mean in her life as she has arranged it.
How is that? If I were writing a movie script, that's how I'd frame it.
That's a good guess, actually. I don't think that's the reason, though. She has already told everyone in her family about us, even her husband.
She has already told everyone in her family about us, even her husband.
That would have been super helpful to include at the beginning of this exercise.
You need to stop worrying about it. Seriously, you're wasting your time and not actually learning how to have healthy relationships by focusing on this and allowing this woman to remain in your life.
So her contacting me and sending me mixed signals is not a problem with her? I don't understand how that's possible, since I never contact her on my own.
Apparently not.
To piggyback on what Wmsn4Life said, I can definitely see how someone would use this for a tool to try to keep someone on their "good side" when that person has information that they see as potentially devastating if it got out.
Is it good or right? Of course not.
But honestly, that's exactly what it seems like from the information you have provided.
Ok, now with the additional information provided...
Perhaps she doesn't want to mentally give up this part of her life. Or perhaps any one of a thousand other possibilities.
Why are you giving her free rent in your head?
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