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This story is BS. There is no way this could be true.
How is it that you think this isn't possible?
I am having a somewhat difficult time. I came to talk about it. I've been on CD a long time. People here are largely friendly and helpful.
I am looking to make new friends.
Believe me, I have better things to do than troll some forum, stir up a bunch of BS just to garner attention or start some drama thread.
I can't convince anyone who may not believe. People cheat and have affairs all the time. I am not sure what anyone views as unbelievable about this, but whatever.
I hope you aren't trying to say we are creating it, because this is YOUR life story, not ours.
I think your story (OP's) touched a nerve with a lot of people. You chose to share it, and I doubt you're so much of a "free spirit" that you're entirely insulated from the culture you live in. We, meaning the culture you live in, expect men to respond differently than you are in your situation. It doesn't make us right, but then again, it doesn't make us wrong.
I've hesitated to really confront you because you seemed really vulnerable in your first couple of posts. You've shown a little fight (those expectations again) since then, so I'm going to push a little harder. Maybe a lot harder.
Putting aside for a second your feelings about women's superiority and virtue and your feelings about your wife in particular, are you really OK with her sucking some other guy's d? Is there any dark recess of your mind where a WTF is echoing around in response to that thought?
If you're OK with the above, are you OK with the way this has evolved?
Under the same thought experiment conditions do you want another man buying her stuff?
Less time with her OK, as will inevitably happen as she moves out?
OK with him putting her up in an apartment?
Do you have any ill feelings about your wife being part of the deceit this guy is perping on his wife?
Is your only need making sure that your wife is happy? At all costs? Are the ordinary wants and needs most men and women have, like setting healthy boundaries and only spending time with people who respect those boundaries no part of your make-up?
If you can honestly say yes to all of those questions, then you're just very different from me. I wouldn't say more evolved or in any sense more sensitive or understanding. Just different. If you are that different and really genuinely OK with all of this, then I wish you luck. Sincerely. But if you're not OK, I wish you'd.......well I wish you would sit your wife down and say just a ******* second.
You're not even using white knight correctly. I'm not coming to her aid, I'm congratulating her good sense in calling you out on your internet tough guy BS. No one is impressed.
But you know what? I do share your sense that this man is just too passive to believe. I don't get it either.
My wife and I are partners in crime. We married less than a month after we met, and will be married 21 years this July. We love each other very deeply, but for a few months, my wife has been wanting to explore the idea of an open relationship.
I have been okay dealing with the idea. I have to say--I suffered a severe injury and subsequent infection which nearly killed me a few years back. I hate to overshare, but it destroyed my ability to have an erection. My wife and I still have fun, and there are ways to have a sexually fulfilling relationship without penetration.
I say this just to stress--my wife is a wonderful human being and I do not blame her for anything, nor do I hold any anger, resentment or hate for her.
A few weeks back she began seeing another man. It's a bit troubling because I assumed she wanted to just meet up with people and have fun, not be as exclusive (with another man) than it has become. However, she is being very open and honest about everything, and has been encouraging me to find other partners to interact with.
I'm not really inclined to be with any other women. But I wouldn't discount the possibility entirely.
My wife is getting an apartment this week and will be dividing her time between there and our home.
I have told her I will always be here for he and hope that she and I will always come back together. I may be delusional, but knowing our relationship and history, I actually think this is possible, and can say that the time we have together now is more fun and exciting. We get together and it's like we're in our teens again. Pretty fun. I don't want her to feel awkward or unwelcome ever when she comes home.
Our daughters are 17 and 18, are aware of what is happening, and are very philosophical about it. Our family is loving, strong and free-spirited.
It's weird, new and I feel a bit like I've left the Known World. But I'm not crushed and don't feel like a cuckold or anything. In fact, the man she's seeing is apparently made of money and I get to reap some benefits from that.
I have been talking to some local women online and am going to be attending some upcoming events for singles. Who knows what may happen?
Does anyone think this is inherently immoral? Does anyone think this will ultimately spell the end of a relationship?
I realize things may change. My wife's feelings for this new man may grow into something deeper. She may decide she wants to turn the page and go off into a new life that doesn't include me. But I don't see that happening. Who knows? Nothing is certain.
Anyone here have any similar experiences?
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I am sorry... but I don't get it.
I would 100% percent NEVER over my dead body ( or more likely his) be okay with this.
I am way too Territorial for this.
I can't get my head around this.
Not sure why anyone would settle for this.
So you get to share your partner ... so what is in it for you again?
You're not even using white knight correctly. I'm not coming to her aid, I'm congratulating her good sense in calling you out on your internet tough guy BS. No one is impressed.
But you know what? I do share your sense that this man is just too passive to believe. I don't get it either.
All opinions aside, I didn't say anything I didn't really think. If that's her opinion about it, that's fine. I can deal with that.
Anyway, this story is not true. No man could be like this. If so, then wow. What a crazy world we live in.
So much for "in sickness and in health". She wants the best of both worlds for herself at your expense. It sounds like you are rationalizing the situation, but this is not OK, assuming this story is even true.
All opinions aside, I didn't say anything I didn't really think. If that's her opinion about it, that's fine. I can deal with that.
Anyway, this story is not true. No man could be like this. If so, then wow. What a crazy world we live in.
I agree with you in principle, but not in specifics. Many men could indeed be like this. Where this pings my BS meter is where the o.p.'s wife, knowing of his... 'disability', nonetheless encourages him to do likewise and find playmates. Really? Isn't the reason she wants to play out because despite his accommodations he isn't completely fulfilling as a lover? It's hard enough for a gainfully employed, fully able bodied and otherwise desirable guy to find a whole lot of action on the side. This arrangement would be totally one sided. It happens. But it would be obvious to the two in the open marriage that it would be thus.
I don't really get the outrage or disbelief surrounding the OP's demeanor/attitude about his situation. So what if he's not "responding" or reacting to it like "men should." He's not other men. He's Griffis.
Me thinks some folks are peeved that "a man" would share "his" woman in such a way. (when that's not how it's done. Men are supposed to be the ones with side pieces and lady friends!!!! That was in the olden times in the bible. See!!!!!) He may seem naive and passive, trying to hold on to what he has with his wife, even if it's in vain, and to the detriment of the marriage. However, given what he's expressed so far, the marriage dynamic, his demeanor, I'm not really that surprised. (I've seen this before)
OP may be a submissive (to a female partner), and like male some submissives, will make sacrifices for their partner, often the dominant party. I've dated a few, some of whom were non-monogamous, or in such relationships. The OP exhibits similar submissive traits, but the issue here is whether the wife is taking advantage of the power dynamic with her arrangement, and if what they "agreed" to is really a mutually beneficial (or desired) arrangement.
The OP will have to do some serious introspection and soul-searching to decide whether he truly wants to submit to this arrangement. He may be doing it because he's devoted to his wife and wants to submit to her and please her, but he may not be wired for a non-monogamous pairing.
I agree with you in principle, but not in specifics. Many men could indeed be like this. Where this pings my BS meter is where the o.p.'s wife, knowing of his... 'disability', nonetheless encourages him to do likewise and find playmates. Really? Isn't the reason she wants to play out because despite his accommodations he isn't completely fulfilling as a lover? It's hard enough for a gainfully employed, fully able bodied and otherwise desirable guy to find a whole lot of action on the side. This arrangement would be totally one sided. It happens. But it would be obvious to the two in the open marriage that it would be thus.
And yet, how many discussions has there been on this issue of one spouse being unable or unwilling to have sex? Due to a medical condition or asexuality. We've had tons of posters suggest broaching the topic of opening the marriage. Topics like "My wife suffered an illness several years ago. She's doing better, but is unable to have sex. I love her dearly, and am devoted to my wife, but I miss sex. It's been a few years since we last tried. I don't want to leave her, but I miss physical intimacy. What if I bring up having a woman on the side here and there? Like a FWB situation."
Of course, there are the usual "Don't do wrong by her. What a horrible thing to consider!" posters, but there have also been the "I couldn't live in a sexless marriage. I feel you, man. Go ahead and bring it up. See whats she says." and a few "I would seek a FWB, but not tell her." And not just one or two responses like that, but many.
If a man isn't getting sexual fulfillment, he's often given an "out," because men are sexual, and we can't possibly expect them to put off sex for the rest of their lives, while they're still spry. But a woman, how dare he "let" her disrespect him like that. Lolololol
Clearly, it's one-sided, which is why the OP has some serious thinking to do, because continuing this arrangement, if it's not mutual, will breed resentment and cause even more problems. If he isn't poly, isn't truly interested in a non-monogamous marriage, then he needs to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with his wife. He said he believes she's poly. Some people just are, and they don't realize it, or accept it, until later in life. If he isn't, well... it'd be wise to part ways before things get even worse.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm
Isn't the reason she wants to play out because despite his accommodations he isn't completely fulfilling as a lover?
We have no idea what her reason is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm
It's hard enough for a gainfully employed, fully able bodied and otherwise desirable guy to find a whole lot of action on the side.
Oh, it is not hard at all. At all.
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