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Who said they have separate lives? They don't at all. They're very close and bonded, as happy a marriage as I know.
That was my point. It's very odd to me that expat marriages are being characterized as people bound to be miserable, isolated, and doing their own thing sans partner. My SIL adores her adopted country, has a terrific, fun, attentive husband. There is no "separate lives." I'm curious as to why that's being used as some definitive for expat marriages.
My FIL's second wife expatriated to the U.S. from Taiwan. Also didn't apply in her situation.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
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Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
LOL.
My sister-in-law has been an expat since 1988. She met and married a guy during an internship abroad and never looked back. Pretty sustainable, there. Loads of friends, good life. We visit them often.
Mod cut: Off-topic comment.
Anyways there's a big difference being an expat in UK, France, US, Australia, Germany and living in Zambia, Kuwait or Kazakhstan.
So let's hear it, where did/does your sister-in-law live?
Edit: I just got a rep and in it someone berated me and asked me what about all those expats that live and retire to sunny hot spots around the world. I think, that unless you were on Mars that I was referring to being an expat as a result of work (as it was the case in this thread), not retirement. And next time have some respect and identify yourself so that I can properly respond.
"With all due respect"...OP is whining (and that is YOUR interpretation - I see it as something thinking through and discussing and trying to figure out her situation) for very good reason. In your eyes she shouldn't say a word about why she does anything but at the first sign of unhappiness just jump ship. Because at least she would not commit the cardinal female sin of WHINING!
Well, if hubs would rather look up and see his wife not there with no explanation rather than try to listen to the issues, cool... Otherwise, THIS is how discussions begin - someone expresses how they are feeling. If that constitutes whining then I'd say you're a typical man who only wants to do his own thing with no consideration or compromise for another human being. If your wife wants to put up with you fine - but I'd not want to be tied down to you - I'd rather run my own life - you couldn't make enough money for me to put up with that.
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Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD
Did you not see that the OP is banned? This is all made up.
However, your post totally misses the point because there are real structural problems when it comes to living as an expat family that don't exist in an otherwise normal marriage. Especially in a non-westernized world. One of those is that often times husband and wife lead dual separate lives, and that wife's main support system comes from the social circle she's able to build. That isn't easy, but that doesn't mean it's her husband's fault for her not having it.
Well, I see YOU'RE still reading and responding, soooooo
Nothing you've said negates my response. A marriage is what you want it to be. If it's not working for her then she can say so. I didn't know there was a handbook for expats outlining your life and I bet no one gave it to the OP.
BS. She's not taken for granted, but lonely. No different than any other expat wife in a third world country. It's not up to her husband to fill the void. Impossible.
Did you even read the op?
Even when he's home, he doesn't consider their time spent together.
That's bs.
Aha, so my realistic, while admittedly harsh comment is "hateful", your comment regarding some conspiracy theory about a separate family is what exactly? Helpful advice?
I'd say, you watched one too many Lifetime movies.
Mod cut.
I think you were a bit harsh, but when did this word "hateful" start getting thrown around every time people disagree or when someone doesn't sugar coat what they're saying????
However, your post totally misses the point because there are real structural problems when it comes to living as an expat family that don't exist in an otherwise normal marriage. Especially in a non-westernized world. One of those is that often times husband and wife lead dual separate lives, and that wife's main support system comes from the social circle she's able to build. That isn't easy, but that doesn't mean it's her husband's fault for her not having it.
I think you need to go back and read the OP's first few posts. Her husband does have some responsibility for her not having a social circle in their current location. She explains why. But he doesn't care, because this is the location that has a beach for surfing, so he's happy; he has everything he wants. She's asking that they move to either of a couple of locations that have a well-established expat community, so she can make friends that are long-term residents. Their current location doesn't have that. But he doesn't want to leave the beach. She was fine in their previous location, because she had a social circle.
Furthermore, you're overlooking the safety issue, which is major. He expects her to spend the rest of her life in a place where she's already been robbed once, and where one of the stores she used to frequent recently was robbed, along with all the customers in it. She can't even go out to do her grocery shopping without being fearful. His attitude is, "Oh well. That's one of the hazards of living in that town". He doesn't mind sacrificing his wife's physical safety for his surfing.
I'm new here and I really need your advice. I feel like I'm drowning. So my husband (33) and I (almost 30) have been together for five years, married for two. Our relationship is great and healthy, but I feel like I'm so unhappy with our living situation and my husband doesn't do anything about it.
IMO, waiting for your husband to do something about your happiness while he is perfectly content is your first and perhaps biggest mistake here. It's your life! I would not live like that now that I place a value on my life so, you can toss a coin - heads...... leave him and try to find some happiness or tails..... stay with him and be miserable from now on. A more realistic solution would be to get into marriage counseling and find some kind of compromises to allow BOTH of you to be happy or at least happier.
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I feel powerless, sad, lonely and really don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him, but thinking of the possibility to be stuck here for the rest of my life while my husband is never at home makes me sick. Thanks so much.
Sick enough to do something besides complain and feel helpless? Whew!, I would not live like that for a second!!! My self respect and self esteem is way to high to submit to such a crumby life with an UNCARING partner! But IT'S YOUR LIFE! Do whatever you think is right with it..............
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