Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
2,500,000 members. Thank you!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-07-2011, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,163 posts, read 1,985,888 times
Reputation: 1002

Advertisements

It's been almost 9 months since I was in a relationship. I would love to get on the dating scene, but I haven't met anyone who I would be interested in dating casually...or met anyone for that matter. After my last relationship, I don't really want to get into a serious relationship...too "draining." If fact, I've never been the kind of person to go out on many dates, just go one maybe a few "dates" with a guy and then get into a serious relationship with them. Between, classes, homework, volunteer work, and working at the computer lab, it's been the same old, same old every week. I cannot find or meet anyone that is on my wavelength. A lot of these guys here at my college don't have the things that I look for in a guy.

What is a young lady to do? How can I effectively change my dating course?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-07-2011, 10:48 AM
 
Location: NC
1,695 posts, read 4,648,624 times
Reputation: 1872
i think when you stop looking, you will start finding...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2011, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,360 posts, read 8,343,151 times
Reputation: 8595
You say you want to date, but don't like dating. You say you don't want a serious relationship with anyone, but end up getting into "serious relationships" very quickly in the past.

Sounds like you need to evaluate what you really want, since your post indicates mass confusion in your wants/desires.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2011, 10:56 AM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,448,226 times
Reputation: 3482
Agree with Ulysses. I'm telling my kids the same thing. Sit down and write down if you have to, what you want in the dating scene. Casual, hang-out dates or serious dating. If you want to just hang-out with guys, start thinking of places that you're interested in that you'll find that type of guys there. At college, they have student centers with pool tables and such. Go there and start sitting around the tables studying and getting to know other students.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2011, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Up North
3,426 posts, read 8,859,894 times
Reputation: 3126
I never thought I would stoop to online dating but it really saves time. You can weed out all of the guys that are too young, too old, gangster wannabes, no educations, whatever is important to you

It really helps cut out all of the BS there is in the real dating world.

Keep on putting yourself out there offline, but try online, you may be pleasantly surprised.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2011, 01:49 PM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,137,874 times
Reputation: 2119
I feel like some people are wary of admitting that they want a relationship. Wanting a relationship isn't a bad thing, most people want the perfect relationship at some point in their lives and there's nothing wrong with admitting that.

By saying you want someone but that you don't want anything serious just sounds like insecurity. I think you need to focus on what you want, then stop being afraid of admitting it. Own your desires and wants. You're human.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2011, 02:11 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,568 posts, read 17,998,401 times
Reputation: 16701
If you keep on doing the same things you're doing without meeting dating material (by your definition), then you need to change something. Perhaps join a club in some area you have an interest - such as chess, book club, library volunteer - something that will increase your exposure to the "type" of man you seek. Even if it's not meeting THAT man, it's a means to meet people like that and maybe one of them will have a friend who has a friend......

Also, do what Donie says - write it down. Be clear in your own mind what it is you want. And that can change over time - but what do you want for "right now" as opposed to 5 years from now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by donie1 View Post
Agree with Ulysses. I'm telling my kids the same thing. Sit down and write down if you have to, what you want in the dating scene. Casual, hang-out dates or serious dating. If you want to just hang-out with guys, start thinking of places that you're interested in that you'll find that type of guys there. At college, they have student centers with pool tables and such. Go there and start sitting around the tables studying and getting to know other students.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2011, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,163 posts, read 1,985,888 times
Reputation: 1002
I know it's been long overdue, but thank you everyone for your advice!

I wrote down the traits I like to get a better idea of someone I would want to eventually be with. I would like to have a relationship with someone I would be highly compatible with, but I just don't want to rush into things and settle faster for much less because there was nothing/no one else around like I used to do. I don't date much at all, so if I met someone I liked, I ended up settling with them despite the fact that we didn't have much common ground. In the end, I was only disappointed and hurt. I would like to go on a good number of dates before really settling with a person.

My list:

  • hardworking, honest
  • likes to be independent, no moochers; definitely has at least one job (preferably on the regular)
  • treats others right w/ kindness, courtesy and respect
  • stands up and defends others, not a coward
  • adventurous, loves to travel and will go on mini and big adventures, likes to try new things
  • humorous, can make me laugh
  • knowledgeable & always seeking knowledge
  • loving, caring, passionate
  • someone who will not put up with bullcrap (especially mine)
Since this is my last month up at college, I am going to be very busy with other things. I'll have to put the idea of dating on the back burner for now and focus more on getting a good job and moving out of the 'rents house asap. I can still fantasize in my dreams though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2011, 07:50 PM
 
1,351 posts, read 2,885,655 times
Reputation: 1835
Quote:
Originally Posted by suedonym View Post
i think when you stop looking, you will start finding...
OP, please disregard this advice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2011, 07:52 PM
 
1,351 posts, read 2,885,655 times
Reputation: 1835
Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedCollegeGirl89 View Post
I know it's been long overdue, but thank you everyone for your advice!

I wrote down the traits I like to get a better idea of someone I would want to eventually be with. I would like to have a relationship with someone I would be highly compatible with, but I just don't want to rush into things and settle faster for much less because there was nothing/no one else around like I used to do. I don't date much at all, so if I met someone I liked, I ended up settling with them despite the fact that we didn't have much common ground. In the end, I was only disappointed and hurt. I would like to go on a good number of dates before really settling with a person.

My list:

  • hardworking, honest
  • likes to be independent, no moochers; definitely has at least one job (preferably on the regular)
  • treats others right w/ kindness, courtesy and respect
  • stands up and defends others, not a coward
  • adventurous, loves to travel and will go on mini and big adventures, likes to try new things
  • humorous, can make me laugh
  • knowledgeable & always seeking knowledge
  • loving, caring, passionate
  • someone who will not put up with bullcrap (especially mine)
Since this is my last month up at college, I am going to be very busy with other things. I'll have to put the idea of dating on the back burner for now and focus more on getting a good job and moving out of the 'rents house asap. I can still fantasize in my dreams though.
it's nice to have a list and know what you're looking for. the next step now is to find out where such guys hang out at (if there is one or a set number of such places, that is), or how you can place yourself in situations that would put you in close proximity and ideally full contact with such guys. then, find out what it is that they are looking for, and ask yourself if you have what it is they seek. if you can find a match, great. otherwise you'll have to adjust your list, or adjust yourself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top