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I totally agree however the problem is...that is behavior men put up with and encourage.
If they can be lazy and put a pic up and still get 300 messages. Then they are taught that they don't have to do anything to attract men online.
That's why men such as ourselves online don't matter, you or I might not email a woman like that...but she'll still get 300 messages anyway.
Then one of these women will come online and say she met 100 wierdos. Why? Because men like us weren't emailing her.
See what I mean? The paradoxes are so real.
OLD = Tons of problems.
Men like you? Could you have a more inflated view of yourselves? Women aren't taught that looks alone attract men. Women figured this out on their own, LONG before online dating. Do you think those women celebrate when they get 300 messages? Of course not. But guess what? Even if she wrote a detailed profile, she'd still get flooded with messages. Why? Because as we already established, a lot of guys will only look at the pictures before deciding to message someone. And again, this isn't anything new. An attractive woman could go into a bar and get hit in by 300 guys. I fail to see what you and atlguy are trying to say. Yes, women get lots of messages while men often get no replies. Seems like you both are hung up on quantity. How excited would you be to get 300 messages all from women you have no interest in?
I guess I'm simple. I just want someone that will swear on a stack of bibles.
Tough crowd that OLD!
And loads of dudes do the same thing from what I see from what my lady friends share. This is a human thing, not a guy/girl thing.
*snort*
I'm game.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
1. Women aren't more focused on looks because of online dating. They're more focused on looks because they can afford to be. Compared to life before the Internet, women are more financially independent and don't need a man to provide stability. If that makes it harder for a man to stand out, too bad. Now maybe you understand what women have to deal with. As for your claim that women don't have to put much thought into their profiles, that would be true if women didn't care what kind of guy she attracts. Show me a woman who enjoys posting a profile and then being bombarded with messages from guys who only did so because they liked her pictures.
2. Should make you a catch? There's a whif of entitlement in your post and I can imagine that turning off a lot of women.
Dudes be mad 'cause just being a guy with a job and Nice-ish, but not interesting or compatible, doesn't get them a girl. Women have more options, and men have to compete, because women don't have to settle for mediocre or a Nice-ish guy with a job. Maybe things like actual compatibility matter more than someone cute and fun to hang with?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
But I'm an adult. I didn't feel I had a right to anything when it comes dating. Discerning? You bet. Entitled? No.
When you think about it, it is the same thing with anything of value in life. Can a great job be hard to find? Yes. Do you have to compete with lots of other qualified people? Yes.
Absolutely. 100%.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Then don't use it. Problem solved.
I'm no catch. Great, I have a career, as masters, condo and a car and some hobbies. You know what that makes me? Just another freaking guy out there. Big freaking whoop. People are a "catch" when they meet someone that is looking for them and there is chemistry and attraction, not a moment earlier.
Exactly. The "catch" part comes into play when two people looking for the same thing cross paths and connect. When everything falls into place, attraction, chemistry, compatibility, etc., that's what makes people a "catch." I'm certainly not a catch to everyone, obviously, but I'm a great catch according to my husband and others I dated.
Men like you? Could you have a more inflated view of yourselves? Women aren't taught that looks alone attract men. Women figured this out on their own, LONG before online dating. Do you think those women celebrate when they get 300 messages? Of course not. But guess what? Even if she wrote a detailed profile, she'd still get flooded with messages. Why? Because as we already established, a lot of guys will only look at the pictures before deciding to message someone. And again, this isn't anything new. An attractive woman could go into a bar and get hit in by 300 guys. I fail to see what you and atlguy are trying to say. Yes, women get lots of messages while men often get no replies. Seems like you both are hung up on quantity. How excited would you be to get 300 messages all from women you have no interest in?
So you're knocking us because we consider ourselves to be quality men? Neither he nor I ever said we were God's gift to women. I don't know what YOUR point is.
Well, I've been dating a lot of women in their late 30's and they are on board. I'm just in the wrong market, meaning a big cultural difference and lack of available women in that age range.
Exactly. The "catch" part comes into play when two people looking for the same thing cross paths and connect. When everything falls into place, attraction, chemistry, compatibility, etc., that's what makes people a "catch." I'm certainly not a catch to everyone, obviously, but I'm a great catch according to my husband and others I dated.
Yes! Yes! YES.
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Men like you? Could you have a more inflated view of yourselves? Women aren't taught that looks alone attract men. Women figured this out on their own, LONG before online dating. Do you think those women celebrate when they get 300 messages? Of course not. But guess what? Even if she wrote a detailed profile, she'd still get flooded with messages. Why? Because as we already established, a lot of guys will only look at the pictures before deciding to message someone. And again, this isn't anything new. An attractive woman could go into a bar and get hit in by 300 guys. I fail to see what you and atlguy are trying to say. Yes, women get lots of messages while men often get no replies. Seems like you both are hung up on quantity. How excited would you be to get 300 messages all from women you have no interest in?
But, but at least evil wimmenz get messages.
My profile was pretty long at 2100 words, and I still received a lot of messages, from all sorts. I received better quality messages and matches on OKC. Hands down. But I still received a lot of messages from men who didn't bother to read a damn thing I said and were non-matches.
And the attention wasn't markedly different offline. I came across far less available men in my day-to-day activities, but the men I did come across still flirted, approached, winked, catcalled, which is the equivalent of "Hey, sexy. Can we chat?" type messages. Since appearance is the first thing we see in-person, it's often how we determine whether we're interested, on a superficial level.
Dudes who lament and get bent about OLD being so superficial and shallow seem to ignore the nature of social and dating dynamics outside this medium. It is all about appearance, charisma, vibes, and charm in these first encounters. The dudes who are persistent with their catcalling and demonstrating their interest haven't the slightest clue who I am, what I like, how I think, my quirks, or even just basic details. They approach based on what they see, and nothing more. No thanks.
Mr. Meta actually read my entire profile before he looked at my pictures. He read it multiple times before he responded to my message, and he didn't comment on my appearance, or say something off-putting, he responded to a question I asked about a book he read.
It's absolutely true that I didn't respond to a lot of messages, because they weren't matches, and I wasn't interested. And it's also true I turned down all but one cold approach for the same reasons.
So you're knocking us because we consider ourselves to be quality men? Neither he nor I ever said we were God's gift to women. I don't know what YOUR point is.
No, I'm knocking you because you seem to think women will see you the way you see yourselves. In your mind, you might be quality men. But maybe they don't see you that way. And even if they do, you act like that's enough. As for my point, it's to stop acting entitled. You may be the nicest, most successful, fittest guy in America. So what? If a woman isn't interested in you, deal with it. But don't put on this air of how you're a great catch that women should be realizing. What you're doing is no different than the guy who posts a stellar resume online and then asks "why is no one calling me for an interview?"
I think I would fit that (ok, maybe at times I have trouble with #2) and I don't think its an exhaustive list. Its a good list.
Do you not think that is your problem? Why would a great woman want to be with a man who does not enjoy life? All the superficial stuff that you always like to say about yourself cannot make up for a chronically-depressed attitude. Hopefully one day you can find enjoyment in life - on your own and not relying on someone else to make you happy.
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Neither he nor I ever said we were God's gift to women. I don't know what YOUR point is.
