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you cant control what others will do, you can only control your own actions. you also have to learn to get rid of the fears in your life, and this one seems to be the biggest one at this point. i got over it(my fear of my SOs cheating on me) many years ago by realizing that they are individuals and that i had no control over them.
if you love something, or someone, let them go, if they come back it was meant to be, if they dont, you have two options, recognize it was never meant to be, or hunt them down and kill them. option one is the best by the way, its the least trouble since you dont have to hide the body
That's great advice and thank you. That is something I tell myself constantly. Before I knew person A, I lived a very happy life not knowing they even existed. If they exit my life for whatever reason, I will continue to live a happy life. Easier said than done, but that is why I try to live by.
It's just something that you should try not to spend your time worrying about, or you'll really freak yourself out, dude.
It's kind of like letting the fear of being bitten by a shark keep you from getting in the ocean or the fear of a fiery and deadly auto accident keeping you from getting in a car and driving.
It's just something that you should try not to spend your time worrying about, or you'll really freak yourself out, dude.
It's kind of like letting the fear of being bitten by a shark keep you from getting in the ocean or the fear of a fiery and deadly auto accident keeping you from getting in a car and driving.
Right. To hell with fear. A little bit of awareness or caution can be your friend, but fear, like hate (to which it is related) is a negation of life.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 5 days ago)
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Reputation: 50641
Oh Frimter. Honey.
Here's what I've observed in life: if someone has this "thing" they won't tolerate and they perseverate on it (their partner smoking. their partner drinking too much. their partner viewing porn. their partner lying. their partner not observing holidays with nice gifts. their partner cheating.) that's the exact person they pick. And they know it going in and yet . . . they pick that person.
This guy already told you he's a cheater. He told you that with clear words. And he made weird statements about this business trip - who SAYS that - that I will come back with so much pent up sexual energy because I won't be getting any while I'm out of town - who SAYS that???
This may very well work out and he may very well have learned his lesson. I wish you the very very best in this, but be aware, you have now purposely picked a guy who told you he's the characteristic you most want to avoid.
Edited to add: I realize how very negative this whole post has been, and want to kind of rephrase it. I wish you the very very best in this relationship, and hope this works out great. If it doesn't, and he's a cheater, post back. Best wishes.
Here's what I've observed in life: if someone has this "thing" they won't tolerate and they perseverate on it (their partner smoking. their partner drinking too much. their partner viewing porn. their partner lying. their partner not observing holidays with nice gifts. their partner cheating.) that's the exact person they pick. And they know it going in and yet . . . they pick that person.
This guy already told you he's a cheater. He told you that with clear words. And he made weird statements about this business trip - who SAYS that - that I will come back with so much pent up sexual energy because I won't be getting any while I'm out of town - who SAYS that???
This may very well work out and he may very well have learned his lesson. I wish you the very very best in this, but be aware, you have now purposely picked a guy who told you he's the characteristic you most want to avoid.
Edited to add: I realize how very negative this whole post has been, and want to kind of rephrase it. I wish you the very very best in this relationship, and hope this works out great. If it doesn't, and he's a cheater, post back. Best wishes.
Thanks for the advice, but I don't find what he said is suspicious. Let me explain because it was out of context when I wrote it so perhaps that makes it look suspicious.
Before he mentioned that, he was saying how he doesn't want to go where he is going (country for work), and he would have preferred to stay home and spend more time with me. Then he told me to block out my calendar for the weekend he arrives because he wants to catch up with me on a time. I then told him jokingly that that also means we need to catch up on sex too. Then we started getting into dirty talk (which I don't think you want to know about haha) and then that's when he mentioned about the pent up sexual energy.
So he didn't say it in the blue. I did pull it out of context when I wrote it. Because we were both talking about how intense it will be when he gets back due to the time being apart.
It helps that I have known him for a year as a best friend prior to dating him, and I never saw symptoms/signs of him being a cheater. Doesn't mean he won't be one, but there isn't anything that has stood out that would tell me so.
You need to try to get over this. My husband and I have both been cheated on in the past, in fact I was a few times. But we do not let this affect our marriage. We dealt with those issues before we met. We trust each other. Don't monitor each other, travel separately when we want, etc. You can't live your life in fear of something that might happen. If it does, it does. You will be sad, and eventually get over it. That's just life. In the meantime, why worry about something you have zero control over. The only control you have over this is to choose wisely in a partner. And it sounds like you have chosen a nice person. So just let things progress. No one knows what the future can hold. But just know whatever happens, you will be ok.
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