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started chatting with this woman on match.com, in her profile it said "Never married", on our first phone conversation I asked her if she has been married before and she said "It's complicated", when I tried to get some more info she said we have been separated for a year and a half and have a good relationship. I did not press for more info as I felt she was really uncomfortable talking about the whole thing.
How can marital status be complicated? You are either never married, currently married or divorced. Would you consider the above lying? I am not sure if I should confront her about the discrepancy in her profile or just let it go and not bother contacting her again?
It's complicated" When people say that word...what they're really to chicken **** to say is that they are either STILL married or they're still in the relationship and haven't broken up yet eventhough the relationship is 'rocky'.People like that...stay far away from.She lied to you...plain and simple.She is still legally married so she needs to deal with that issue before she goes on any dating sites.Men do it too..There is always some lame excuse as to WHY they're still legally married and not have filed for divorce...no matter what their excuses are...stay far away from them.
I had an ex who lied about smoking.On his profile he had stated that he didn't smoke.I liked that because I don't want to date anyone that smokes..even if it's a weekend sort of thing.I don't want anyone that smokes..period.Well on his profile he stated that he didn't smoke.Now as we became exclusive..one day he was over my place...it was the weekend and he went outside to smoke!! Now he's the type of smoker where you wouldn't be able to smell it on his clothes.He wasn't a chain smoker BUT still...that annoyed me because I had been with someone who had been a chainsmoker(hence the reason I don't want to deal with anyone that smokes)and I remember every minute he would be outside smoking or when going to restaurants..he leave me at the table to go out to smoke....****ing annoying!! Anyways move on to someone who is 100% single or 100% divorced or 100% never been married! Also she joined the wrong website...there are other sites that cater to people who are in her situation.Liars just make my blood boil.
Eh, I found in dating that most people don't consider separated as married. And I've been berated as a religious zealot (I'm not superstitious/spiritual at all) for not wanting to date separated people. Just a personal choice.
But, putting down never married isn't being honest.
I find that really sad as well.I agree with you...to me when you're 'separated' you're still legally married so it should be my choice if I want to date you knowing you're not yet divorced.I think that only in the state of California is where legal separation is really a legal thing because it takes a year to actually have the divorce go through over there?This is what I heard.All the other states though...saying you're separated...you're still legally married.I don't understand why people feel the need to lie about it.Just be upfront and let the other person decide if they still want to continue further.Also if they say they got an annulment...well to me that says they're no longer married as well and that's cool.I just have a major issue with people saying they're separated and thinking it's cool to just be out there dating like they're single.I say handle your business completely...but I guess that would be too much to ask of some people nowadays.Also as some people have said...sometimes it's purely for financial reasons as why they're still married and haven't filed yet. Ok...but still what does that have to do with you NOT telling someone the truth?It's always right to tell the people your 'situation' when you meet so that way they can make their decision.People can be very understanding when you're upfront to begin with.By just saying that 'it's complicated' and you don't explain further..is not cool since you are the one out there wanting to date people.You need to be honest about your situation.
Last edited by codergirl; 07-19-2017 at 01:49 PM..
I find that really sad as well.I agree with you...to me when you're 'separated' you're still legally married so it should be my choice if I want to date you knowing you're not yet divorced.I think that only in the state of California is where legal separation is really a legal thing because it takes a year to actually have the divorce go through over there?This is what I heard.All the other states though...saying you're separated...you're still legally married.I don't understand why people feel the need to lie about it.Just be upfront and let the other person decide if they still want to continue further.Also if they say they got an annulment...well to me that says they're no longer married as well and that's cool.I just have a major issue with people saying they're separated and thinking it's cool to just be out there dating like they're single.I say handle your business completely...but I guess that would be too much to ask of some people nowadays.Also as some people have said...sometimes it's purely for financial reasons as why they're still married and haven't filed yet. Ok...but still what does that have to do with you NOT telling someone the truth?It's always right to tell the people your 'situation' when you meet so that way they can make their decision.People can be very understanding when you're upfront to begin with.By just saying that 'it's complicated' and you don't explain further..is not cool since you are the one out there wanting to date people.You need to be honest about your situation.
legal separation is costly, too. So in many cases, people just get separated and don't file the paperwork.
A divorce in Cali takes at least 6 months if everything is agreed on. I am in the middle of it right now.
I think I am more datable after being separated for 6 years than someone who just got divorced and has a nasty legal battle behind them. Those people are bitter, resentful and still not happy.
My separation is peaceful, I bought him out of the house, separate accounts, residences, etc. all years ago. All that keeps us together is a piece of paper and health insurance. Once I get divorced, I will have a costly and crappy health insurance to deal with. Not looking forward to it because I have to frequent doctors offices. I didn't get divorced 6 years ago, because it would have been out of $80k. If someone doesn't understand that, they don't need to date me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
legal separation is costly, too. So in many cases, people just get separated and don't file the paperwork.
A divorce in Cali takes at least 6 months if everything is agreed on. I am in the middle of it right now.
I think I am more datable after being separated for 6 years than someone who just got divorced and has a nasty legal battle behind them. Those people are bitter, resentful and still not happy.
My separation is peaceful, I bought him out of the house, separate accounts, residences, etc. all years ago. All that keeps us together is a piece of paper and health insurance. Once I get divorced, I will have a costly and crappy health insurance to deal with. Not looking forward to it because I have to frequent doctors offices. I didn't get divorced 6 years ago, because it would have been out of $80k. If someone doesn't understand that, they don't need to date me.
See, I've seen people separated for 5+ years go through divorce. The issues come right back once the mediation and agreement are worked out. I'd rather focus on someone with that in the past, then one looking forward to it.
And people can understand where you're coming from, and respect it, and still decide to not date you. There is nothing wrong with that.
I would also like to get married, so someone who is married isn't a good candidate.
Would be a dealbreaker to me. That's a bit thing to lie about. I have declined men if I have found out they lied about this. I am divorced myself. I get that emotionally it is complicated, but legally the person is not available. It is disrespectful to their current spouse--wait till it's all tied up. Then go for it.
Would be a dealbreaker to me. That's a bit thing to lie about. I have declined men if I have found out they lied about this. I am divorced myself. I get that emotionally it is complicated, but legally the person is not available. It is disrespectful to their current spouse--wait till it's all tied up. Then go for it.
I agree 100%.If the person who says to someone that they're interested in that 'it's complicated'...most of the time they don't want to go into detail after making that statement.For those who do...great because you are letting the person know your situation which I feel is very important for them to know IF they want to continue seeing you.I had met someone while going out one night..was attracted to the person,wanted to get to know him better.We started to exchange e-mails.I had suggested about meeting up somewhere for lunch.He had told me that his situation was 'complicated'.Ok so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.He told me that he's still living with the mother of his kids....financial reasons on her part. Ok....so I still suggested going out to eat somewhere and that's when he was saying that someone might see him out with me and how that would look.Realized then that he has to be STILL in the relationship with this woman because if it was for only financial reasons as he had stated...then who cares who you would be seen out with??Anyways all he wanted was for someone to lower their standards and see him on the down low.
So,...just an example of WHY when people say that it's complicated...usually is something you should stay far away from UNLESS they explain fully their situation.
Yes divorce can be expensive for some BUT the fact that you don't get it 100% resolved means that one day you could find yourself dating someone that you start to be really serious about...well you can't get married to them because you're still legally married to someone else.That is not fair to the other person.Also health insurance...well when I was married I didn't have good health insurance anyways so I guess that reasoning is for someone who spouse was the one with the better insurance plan so getting divorce would ruin it for the one without the great plan.Well there are valued reasons BUT people in complicated relationships should divulge 100% their marital situation.
I agree 100%.If the person who says to someone that they're interested in that 'it's complicated'...most of the time they don't want to go into detail after making that statement.For those who do...great because you are letting the person know your situation which I feel is very important for them to know IF they want to continue seeing you.I had met someone while going out one night..was attracted to the person,wanted to get to know him better.We started to exchange e-mails.I had suggested about meeting up somewhere for lunch.He had told me that his situation was 'complicated'.Ok so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.He told me that he's still living with the mother of his kids....financial reasons on her part. Ok....so I still suggested going out to eat somewhere and that's when he was saying that someone might see him out with me and how that would look.Realized then that he has to be STILL in the relationship with this woman because if it was for only financial reasons as he had stated...then who cares who you would be seen out with??Anyways all he wanted was for someone to lower their standards and see him on the down low.
So,...just an example of WHY when people say that it's complicated...usually is something you should stay far away from UNLESS they explain fully their situation.
Yes divorce can be expensive for some BUT the fact that you don't get it 100% resolved means that one day you could find yourself dating someone that you start to be really serious about...well you can't get married to them because you're still legally married to someone else.That is not fair to the other person.Also health insurance...well when I was married I didn't have good health insurance anyways so I guess that reasoning is for someone who spouse was the one with the better insurance plan so getting divorce would ruin it for the one without the great plan.Well there are valued reasons BUT people in complicated relationships should divulge 100% their marital situation.
I didn't get immeadiately divorced for health insurance reasons. We were living overseas at the time and talk about complicated! He paid for none of it and I had to find a new job in the states, establish residency somewherr, and then go through the normal wait period. It was awful and it took FOREVER. By the tine we actually had the decree it was two years. I did not date at all rhen, because I felt it was wrong. Also, I used that time to get counseling to understand why things happened the way they did and get back on my feet. I started dating almost immeadiately, casually, after it was completed, but by that time, I had not even seen the ex is two years and had gone through some intense counseling and was ready. I'm so glad I waited and it has made everything so much easier.on the flip side my ex was "in a relationship" before we even had final paperwork. I didn't have contact with him at that point but I knew through a friend--and it was an awful feeling. Not to mention the legal implications-if he had been hurt or killed (he was military), I would have had to make the decisions. She would have had no rights. Think about that stuff before you do it.
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