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I've been with my bf for about 4 years now and I just really have no urge to have sex. He literally has to beg me for it and even then its like pulling teeth. I don't know if its me or what but I just don't enjoy sex with him. He wants to have sex like we are in a porno he doesn't care to do anything that I like nor listen to the things that turn me on he just wants nasty sex which would be fun but I find it disgusting...how am I supposed to tell him I am just not attracted to him? I love him and want to be with him but this is becoming a bigger issue for me...if it was up to me I wouldn't have sex at all...not sure what to do....
If you're overweight, lose weight and see how that affects your sex drive. If that doesn't work, then you're probably no longer attracted to him and should end the relationship.
For one thing, he sounds very immature and I wouldn't want to have sex with a guy who was only into a certain type of sex, neither. Porn is fantasy and parts of the sexual act and/or fetish can be incorporated into the bedroom but with your consent. Also, the very fact that he isn't paying attention to your sexual needs is disrespectful and the both of you ultimately sound sexually incompatible.
How long has your sex drive been in the toilet because of this?
For maybe a year now sometimes we have great sex but still doesn't give me the desire to want to do it again. Perhaps its my problem but he really doesn't help. I think we aren't compatible sexually. Plus we broke up for a while he moved out of state and I moved on for a short period and I found out what I really like...and he's just not into what I am into. I get turned off being this character to turn him on and make me happy neglecting my own needs... I mean other than this issue I have no complaints he's a good man my sister tell me that its me
..and I am the odd one out...
For one thing, he sounds very immature and I wouldn't want to have sex with a guy who was only into a certain type of sex, neither. Porn is fantasy and parts of the sexual act and/or fetish can be incorporated into the bedroom but with your consent. Also, the very fact that he isn't paying attention to your sexual needs is disrespectful and the both of you ultimately sound sexually incompatible.
How long has your sex drive been in the toilet because of this?
He doesn't know her sexual needs because she shuts down when talk of sex is mentioned.
She sounds repressed and needs to consider alternatives in the bedroom. Perhaps she needs a makeover to feel good about herself so she wants to share her body more.
Have you thought of one of those extreme makeovers?
Many men have sexual fantasies/desires (and not just men, women too) that go beyond the standard missionary-once-a-month thing. Many repress it because their wives react how you do. Eventually, they end up either leaving or cheating. Consider yourself lucky that he is so open with his needs and match it by communicating your needs. What do you like? What turns you on? Satin sheets? Oysters? Vacuuming in the nude? Do you even know? I suggest you explore your own sexual needs while just attempting to engage in his. If he STILL doesn't want to meet you half way, I agree the union is probably doomed.
Have you told him YOUR sexual needs? Or are you just denying HIS? If you have no sex drive whatsoever, that says more about you. Do you need to see a doctor? Is it a hormone inbalance? Or is it more psychological? Have you been taught as a young girl that sex was dirty? Did you get messages that sex was against your religion?
He sounds like a typical man, but your situation makes me think you are dealing with other issues you haven't resolved
If he isn't pleasing you sexually, your frustrations are going to manifest in other areas of the relationship. He may be a good man, like your sister says, but he isn't listening to you and that makes you unhappy. Unless he's willing to start listening and making your desires as important as his own, you may need to bite the bullet and move on.
He doesn't know her sexual needs because she shuts down when talk of sex is mentioned.
I'm going off of what 2Tall4U wrote in her two posts in this thread, and she's said "he doesn't care to do anything that I like nor listen to the things that turn me on" and that she is repulsed by the sex. Is there a backstory I am not privy to?
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