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Gay guy here. I met this guy a week before Thanksgiving. We have gone on a few dates, but I am not sure how I feel about him. Date 5 is tonight. He's very nice, stable, solid banter, sane, honestly, no red flags. So it's been refreshing in that sense and I enjoy his company. I do want to get to know him more.
The thing is I am not sure how interested I am in him. If he cancelled our date today, and said I am no longer interested in you, honestly, it would disappoint, but I wouldn't feel too bad about it. Perhaps I am jaded. I think part of the issue is the momentum has been a little flat. We haven't kissed or anything yet.
Part of that comes with our dates have all been after work in the weekdays. So while we have had four dates, they are like 2 hours long, just dinner and drinks in downtown. I mentioned to him for our fifth date we should try to do something on the weekend, something more adventurous, partially because I wanted to spend more time with him to get to know him better, but alas tonight it's dinner and the movies. So maybe I am little bored?
Part of me thinks it's also the timing. The holidays has made it more difficult as I have been overwhelmed with parties as he as well, and he has traveled for them to see family. Then in a week and half, I will be gone for 8 days for vacation. I am kind of waiting to see how tonight goes.
I dunno. I want to get to know him more and I want to spend more time with him, but I am not excited at the same time. I am looking forward to seeing him tonight, but not super excited either. If he cancelled I would be totally fine and wouldn't be all that disappointed.
So being that we are four dates in going on the 5th, normally do you feel there should be more excitement?
So, you two have no plans for the upcoming weekend?
Have the conversations clicked, so you're getting to know each other better at least that way?
Plans tonight. Dinner and movies after work. He is going to suburbs all weekend with some friends. The thing is the following weekend I leave for my vacation for 8 days.
At this point I am kind of waiting to see how things progress after I get back from my trip. I think the holidays really made things more difficult, as he was just as busy as I was. After my trip, I will have a schedule that is more normal, and hopefully he will too. In a way, I am happy it's moving slow, as December was exhausting and overwhelming. I think I am just not as excited as I would like to be, but that necessarily isn't a bad thing.
The conversations are good. Last time they became more personal, he was telling me about his family and his mother's death. So I wouldn't say it feels like it's declining. I think I am just starting to feel a little bored and losing a tinge of interest.
But he is great relationship material. Like I said stable, caring, nice, sane, etc. I don't know if it's just because most gay guys I have met are the opposite to that, so in comparison he seems boring, but in reality he is someone that I can see being a great partner. Perhaps I need to adjust.
A couple things. First, has it crossed your mind that he may be in a relationship which is why he's unavailable on weekends and hasn't gotten physical in any way?
Second, I'm straight but have gay buddies. Based on stories I've heard, they don't move this slowly in the getting physical department. Yeah, a lot of man whores, but even decent guys whether straight or gay, will kiss by the second date.
I think he's giving you mixed messages and intuition may be the reason you're not getting too excited about him.
A couple things. First, has it crossed your mind that he may be in a relationship which is why he's unavailable on weekends and hasn't gotten physical in any way?
Second, I'm straight but have gay buddies. Based on stories I've heard, they don't move this slowly in the getting physical department. Yeah, a lot of man whores, but even decent guys whether straight or gay, will kiss by the second date.
I think he's giving you mixed messages and intuition may be the reason you're not getting too excited about him.
No I don't think he is in a relationship, I really don't get that vibe from him. However, it has crossed my mind that he might be going on dates with other guys, which at the end of the day nothing wrong with that. A big part of the weekend issue though has been that he's not from the city we live in. So essentially he left the weekend before Christmas and got back yesterday, but alas he's leaving this weekend for the suburbs trip.
The physical part I do agree, and I think that is what is throwing me a little off. For me it's usually the third date that something needs to happen. I think part of it is that our weekday evening dates are so constricted by time and they don't feel loose. It feels more like I am going to dinner with a friend after work than going on a date. I mean there is definitely flirting and banter going on. For me that is why I wanted to do something over the weekend, because that allows more flexibility in what we do and how much time we can spend together.
You are right about the mixed signals though as I did forget to mention something. I have always tried to be responsive to his texts, always answering within a couple of hours. However, prior to Christmas there were a couple of texts when we were trying to coordinate something, and he never responded. A day later or so I would text him to follow up and he would apologize saying he was super busy and we would lock down a date. Between XMas and NYE where we texting and I was sending him dates for this week, and he didn't respond. At that point I was like okay not going to follow up with him anymore, but he then got back to me on his own accord. I will say that's when I started to become less excited and in a way I took a step back, and since right before Christmas I have been letting him take the lead now. He's super responsive this past week.
Right now I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because with the holidays it's been a little whacky for the both of us. But when I get back from my trip, if I really don't see things progressing, I think I might have to move on.
I'm not sure why going on weekday dates would prevent kissing at least. Maybe all night love fests, but you can certainly broach the physical side of things in some way and see if there's a spark.
No I don't think he is in a relationship, I really don't get that vibe from him. However, it has crossed my mind that he might be going on dates with other guys, which at the end of the day nothing wrong with that. A big part of the weekend issue though has been that he's not from the city we live in. So essentially he left the weekend before Christmas and got back yesterday, but alas he's leaving this weekend for the suburbs trip.
The physical part I do agree, and I think that is what is throwing me a little off. For me it's usually the third date that something needs to happen. I think part of it is that our weekday evening dates are so constricted by time and they don't feel loose. It feels more like I am going to dinner with a friend after work than going on a date. I mean there is definitely flirting and banter going on. For me that is why I wanted to do something over the weekend, because that allows more flexibility in what we do and how much time we can spend together.
You are right about the mixed signals though as I did forget to mention something. I have always tried to be responsive to his texts, always answering within a couple of hours. However, prior to Christmas there were a couple of texts when we were trying to coordinate something, and he never responded. A day later or so I would text him to follow up and he would apologize saying he was super busy and we would lock down a date. Between XMas and NYE where we texting and I was sending him dates for this week, and he didn't respond. At that point I was like okay not going to follow up with him anymore, but he then got back to me on his own accord. I will say that's when I started to become less excited and in a way I took a step back, and since right before Christmas I have been letting him take the lead now. He's super responsive this past week.
Right now I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because with the holidays it's been a little whacky for the both of us. But when I get back from my trip, if I really don't see things progressing, I think I might have to move on.
So I dunno.
Vibe or not, I think he's in a relationship. That's why no PDA at all out in public, no weekend dates, and long delays in responding to text messages.
UNLESS he's not out? That would at least explain no PDA in public.
Some people are not into PDA and move slower when it comes to getting physical. Since he seems sane give it a chance. Why don't you make the first move if you are attracted to him?
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