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For the most part, I'm in the camp who believes that only the couple gets to define the boundaries of their relationship and determine what is or isn't "appropriate."
However, I also believe it's important to consider the feelings of the person/people you are flirting with. It's ****ty to lead someone on and toy with their feelings, because they think there is a chance, while you know there isn't. But if it's harmless ego-stroking fun and everyone involved knows what's what, then rock on.
Flirting in front of your s/o is disrespectful, IMO. Harmless flirting with his friends still might send the wrong message, again IMO. I don't do it, so I don't particularly like it.
As I said, my circle of friends flirt with each other.. all in fun... expectations are already known. Its all in fun. But I will admit my circle of friends are not typical either. Previous relationships, we both flirted in each other's presence.. .wasn't a problem. My last relationship, nope... I know it wasn't comfortable for her (she knows about past) and my friends respected that. Again, it depends on person(s) and situation.
If everyone knows it is not serious, then where is the ego booster? When I know I will never have anything with a certain person, I basically turn into an actor, whose words and deeds, including compliments, mean nothing.
Flirting by definition is basically testing the waters on whether you are attractive to other people outside of your relationship, if you are happy in your relationship it should not matter whether other people find you attractive or not, when I am single I flirt all the time SO I KNOW IF IT'S SAFE TO PROCEED FURTHER BASED ON HER RESPONSE TO MY FLIRTING!!!!! once I have found a partner I only flirt with her FOR THAT EXACT SAME REASON!!!!, so to clarify, flirting serves 2 purposes:
1. when single, to test the waters and gauge whether someone else is attracted to me.
2. when in relationship, to test the waters with my SO to set, gauge or alter her mood towards me.
It's funny that people want to be able to stop just short of cheating and say their partner is being insecure because he/she calls him/her on it.
There are supposed to be behaviors that are reserved only for your SO or else they lose all meaning and are no longer special.
And cheating starts waaaaaaayyy before the actual penetration starts.
People think my view on this is pessimistic, but actually I give a lot of credit to people, I feel people who are born cheaters are actually quite rare, when I used to be a private investigator, I came with this belief.
10% of people will cheat no matter what.
10% of people will be faithful no matter what.
the other 80% are situational.
I actually believe that most people that have cheated did not go into it thinking they would(this in no way excuses them, cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone), most of the time it's simply people getting caught up or carried away in a situation that could have been avoided, but they did not because they thought "I'm not doing anything wrong" until the day they finally did.
I personally know a woman who was faithful for almost 30 years who had an affair that started off as harmless flirting. this was after she had a gastric bypass, dropped a ton of weight and started getting attention she was not getting before. she regrets it now but the damage is done.
Another who started working outside of the home for the first time in 25 years after all of her kids moved out, got caught up and ended up having and affair(started as harmless flirting), her husband left her her kids won't speak to her and she has intestinal problems now because she tried to poison herself.
Flirting with others is just a slap in the face to the person your supposed to only have eyes for. you are basically telling them "They are not enough".
Cyphorx, we already know that you want nothing to do with social behavior outside of you and your dream woman, who are to sit alone, or bike/jog alone, interact with other humans (for whom you have no use or utility) as little as possible.
Someone as extremely introverted and antisocial as you cannot possibly have any concept of how to relate to someone as extroverted and social as I am. If the only reason you interact with others is to gauge whether they can be useful to your purposes or not, then you and I aren't even remotely anywhere near on the same page, like we're not even in the same book.
Some people flirt to test the waters and see if sex, romance, or a relationship can happen.
Some people flirt as social behavior in a joking or bantering way, because it is fun, and it boosts the self esteem of everyone involved so long as no one is of the previous type, desperately seeking a certain outcome and unhappy with anything less. If I get a vibe that someone is seriously on the hunt for a partner, I'm not even going to playfully flirt with them. Nonsexual flirting, or "flirting without intent" as social behavior, can be not just with people you don't intend to have sex with, but with people who aren't even compatible with your sexual orientation. I've seen very straight men jokingly bro-flirt and make sexual jokes and innuendos with their guy friends with ZERO intention of follow through. People who are socially flirty often flirt with all kinds, so long as we get the sense that everyone knows it's just banter.
Cyphorx, I can't even imagine you being in a situation where any of this would even apply. You're not even trying to get with a woman who needs the kind of social stimulation I need. And you know it, and you're right up front about it, unless I miss my guess.
And yeah, my partner is secure enough not to call me on it. He's too busy flirting with people, too, when we go to parties which is at least every couple of weekends. You would be just as unhappy with THAT, but it doesn't mean it's objectively wrong for everyone.
Flirting in front of your s/o is disrespectful, IMO. Harmless flirting with his friends still might send the wrong message, again IMO. I don't do it, so I don't particularly like it.
Wow, those examples would be totally unacceptable to me, especially any physical contact.
I don't think I phrased my question in a 'silly way'. For a lot of people, something which is deemed inappropriate by many is NOT inappropriate to them and is totally acceptable by them, like someone else here has already stated.
As far as your last sentence is concerned, it depends HOW someone's SO is "looking" at a member of the opposite sex. If it's just a quick look or a quick 'admiring' look, that's one thing - but if they're blatantly staring at someone, eyeing them up and down or undressing them with their eyes, then that's a whole different ball of wax...and that would be completely disrespectful and pervy of them to do that whilst in a relationship or a marriage. It's not a matter of 'control' when someone expects their SO or spouse to behave respectfully as though they are married or in a relationship.
That's why you learn to be subtle and keep your tongue in your mouth.
We all are going to see someone who we find attractive other than our mate. This is going to happen from time to time.
You learn to walk one step behind your SO just to peak.
In all seriousness I wouldn't want someone who is super ridged. People look.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
That's why you learn to be subtle and keep your tongue in your mouth.
We all are going to see someone who we find attractive other than our mate. This is going to happen from time to time.
You learn to walk one step behind your SO just to peak.
In all seriousness I wouldn't want someone who is super ridged. People look.
Nope. I don't 'learn' to 'keep my tongue in my mouth'. I say what I want to say when I want to say it.
Of course we all see somebody that we find hotter than our 'mate' (who calls their SO 'mate' anymore? ) That don't mean we gotta be disrespectful about it when those moments happen. We can look for a few seconds and then move on. That's not being 'super ridged' - it's called being RESPECTFUL to your SO and having INTEGRITY within yourself. Anything longer than that is disrespectful on behalf of your SO and is immature on the SO who is perving on other people.
If you're the kind of person who ogles an attractive person until they disappear into the horizon when you're already in a relationship, then - sadly for your "mate" - that's a character disturbance that you possess that they'll have to deal with.
And, I don't ever walk 'one step behind' my SO...we walk SIDE BY SIDE. You sound like a senior citizen.
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) That don't mean we gotta be disrespectful about it when those moments happen. We can look for a few seconds and then move on. That's not being 'super ridged' - it's called being RESPECTFUL to your SO and having INTEGRITY within yourself. Anything longer than that is disrespectful on behalf of your SO and is immature on the SO who is perving on other people. 
