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I think some flirting is harmless. I have been in Vegas with girlfriends before and we have chatted with men while at bars or gambling. Sometimes there can be casual flirting. No lines crossed. But it's casual harmless chatting that ends quickly and means nothing. My husband went to a concert a while ago with some friends from work. One of the friends brought some other women. He told me afterwards one was flirting with him the whole night. He doesn't wear a wedding ring ( neither to I), so at one point he just said' not sure if you know but I'm married". But it was all harmless, didn't bother me. In fact, I'm glad that he is still attractive to others, hasn't let himself go etc.
Interesting...unless the flirting seemed to be crossing the line already, I'm not sure why anyone would feel the need to mention that they were married.
Flirting means different things to different people.
To me it means talking in a way to get closer to someone romantically.
I would not like it if my S/O flirted with others and vice verse.
Well of course not. The whole way the question was phrased is silly and becomes a moot point. If everyone is innocent is fine...if somebody wants to get in someone's pants, not fine.
To me the issue becomes when screwed up people say you can't even look at someone of the opposite sex because it's flirting - that's a control issue.
Interesting...unless the flirting seemed to be crossing the line already, I'm not sure why anyone would feel the need to mention that they were married.
I mention being unavailable when it seems some social flirting is going on, if I want to politely make sure they other person knows that it is just silly innuendo with no intent. I don't want to lead someone on, to where they think something is actually happening, if it's not.
I try to keep my behavior consistent whether or not DH is there. So if I wouldn't do it in front of him, I won't do it when he is not.
I am around his male co-workers an hour a day (he's not there), I'm polite and distantly friendly.
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Interesting...unless the flirting seemed to be crossing the line already, I'm not sure why anyone would feel the need to mention that they were married.
My husband is somewhat reserved, and honestly I think he just wanted to not talk and just listen to the music. He is funny that way. He likes to talk, but is a bit introverted and after a while need quiet and to just sit.
There is innocent flirting that means nothing, then there is flirting that some people call testing the waters and see what happens, and go from there.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
Well of course not. The whole way the question was phrased is silly and becomes a moot point. If everyone is innocent is fine...if somebody wants to get in someone's pants, not fine.
To me the issue becomes when screwed up people say you can't even look at someone of the opposite sex because it's flirting - that's a control issue.
I don't think I phrased my question in a 'silly way'. For a lot of people, something which is deemed inappropriate by many is NOT inappropriate to them and is totally acceptable by them, like someone else here has already stated.
As far as your last sentence is concerned, it depends HOW someone's SO is "looking" at a member of the opposite sex. If it's just a quick look or a quick 'admiring' look, that's one thing - but if they're blatantly staring at someone, eyeing them up and down or undressing them with their eyes, then that's a whole different ball of wax...and that would be completely disrespectful and pervy of them to do that whilst in a relationship or a marriage. It's not a matter of 'control' when someone expects their SO or spouse to behave respectfully as though they are married or in a relationship.
The kind of flirting I'm talking about is NOT the type of flirting you would do when striking up a fun convo with the grocery store cashier or engaging in playful banter with a co-worker or a party guest.
The type of flirting I'm referring to is the kind that would be considered inappropriate by significant others or spouses with regard to their husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend flirting with a member of the opposite gender. And this could be flirting that is occurring IRL or via text.
I think the main reason people flirt with the opposite gender is because they have a sexual attraction and/or a romantic interest in that person and they want to amp up the communication so they can get closer to them. IMO though, when a person is in a monogamous committed relationship OR is married, flirting with the opposite sex should go completely OUT the window - permanently.
Married people or people in relationships who flirt with the opposite sex could be asking for trouble - either from their SO/spouse or from the individual they're flirting with...it could lead to hurt feelings, suspicions, mistrust, jealousy and could possibly even lead to cheating; whether it develops into an EA or PA.
Some people believe that flirting is "harmless" and that just because a person is in a relationship, it doesn't mean that "they're dead". They believe that as long as it stays as a 'simple flirtation' that it's perfectly okay and if their SO or spouse is bothered by it, then it means they are insecure, immature and controlling.
Other people think that flirting is inappropriate when a person is in a relationship or is married and that they shouldn't engage in it at all because it would be disrespectful to their partner and that it is sleazy behaviour for a committed person to display.
Should married people or people who are in a committed monogamous relationship flirt with the opposite sex? Or should they respect the boundaries of their relationship/marriage and keep ALL interactions with the opposite gender on a completely platonic level?
All I know is if someone else's girlfriend or wife is flirting with me, I'm not going to respond. Not worth the bruises. That's what your man is for. Don't want him? Break it off, and then you can maybe flirt with me. It is up to me to use discretion. Hell, I wouldn't even do "harmless" flirting, that could be taken the wrong way. I could be extremely attracted to a woman, but if I find out she is married, she vanishes like a puff of smoke to me.
I'm in the court with those who say it depends on the people and situation. Some of us flirt playfully or even sarcastically with friends when we know they and their partners (and our own partners too) are okay with it. But if you aren't sure if all the people involved are okay with it, then don't do it. It's never good to hurt or offend someone.
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