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Jeffbase: he seemed excited to go. He has no pictures on Facebook of going anywhere. Said he just works all the time with no excitement. My itinerary was jam packed I will admit: Rockefeller center, top of the rock, Statue of Liberty, masquerade ball at Sky's room lounge, party in Meatpacking. So it's possible when he got there he was like oh my goodness this is too much. Him and his ex of 7 years only went to the beach a few times and vegas once. Ugh snooze fest
My ex of just 1 year and I already went to 2 countries together and countless cities. So think he's been yearning for more IMO. That's prob why he's asking for the pics lol bc he has none of him doing exciting hints outside of the norm. Just my observation.
Why is he the only one who sounds like a jerk?
I did not see where details were discussed before the trip in regards to who is paying what.
I also read the phrase *I'm holding the photos for hostage until I get paid back* as immature.
Honest communication appears to be lacking from the start of this arrangement.
Oh it's totally immature to hold them Hostage I'll admit. But the pics are all uploaded to Facebook. And we are Facebook friends. Not my fault he rarely gets on and prefers email
That's just it, though. I wouldn't have to pay it all if I went alone. I'd have someone to room with (one of my girlfriends) and we'd split it 50/50.
If we are going to split everything 50/50, that's cool with me. But it needs to be everthing: lodging, transportation, meals, activities & entertainment, etc. I understand I invited him; however, he had the option to decline if he wasn't in a financial situation to join the group as everyone else in the group paid their way.
We went to this high-end steakhouse restaurant STK, located in the trendy Meatpacking district for dinner one night and he left the table to ask for his split check from the rest of the group. When the server came back, the rest of us were left to fend for ourselves and figure out splitting. Luckily, my friend Sophia just ended up putting it on her card and we all paid her cash or Venmo'd her.
Also should mention he doesn't have the Uber app, so while those of us were able to split the fare, he said he'd pay us back in cash. That never happened. -__- Luckily, we rode the subway most of the time. Just in the late evenings we would Uber back to Brooklyn.
Wow, that takes some balls, and to do it in front of your friends is really sleazy. That incident alone is the indicator of his true nature. But to follow that up with bailing out on the cab fare puts the final layer of stink on this pile of poo. Who goes out for an evening like this...in NY no less...without cash for tips & such? Seriously?
The guy is a complete tool. You won’t see any of that $145. Don’t send him any pictures either. If you’re in all of them that means he only wants them as some sort of trophy. Yuck. What an unpleasant experience.
Wow, that takes some balls, and to do it in front of your friends is really sleazy. That incident alone is the indicator of his true nature. But to follow that up with bailing out on the cab fare puts the final layer of stink on this pile of poo. Who goes out for an evening like this...in NY no less...without cash for tips & such? Seriously?
The guy is a complete tool. You won’t see any of that $145. Don’t send him any pictures either. If you’re in all of them that means he only wants them as some sort of trophy. Yuck. What an unpleasant experience.
I'm not trying to be conceited or full of myself, but I was thinking this too. He's already showed his coworkers who I am, met him Mom and best guy friend, his Dad was talking about me on the phone one night when I was at his place. So clearly, others know of me. Maybe he wants to show them pics at the office? lol So weird.
Jeffbase: he seemed excited to go. He has no pictures on Facebook of going anywhere. Said he just works all the time with no excitement. My itinerary was jam packed I will admit: Rockefeller center, top of the rock, Statue of Liberty, masquerade ball at Sky's room lounge, party in Meatpacking. So it's possible when he got there he was like oh my goodness this is too much. Him and his ex of 7 years only went to the beach a few times and vegas once. Ugh snooze fest.
He might be the type to save his money; doesn't eat out a lot, doesn't take lots of trips. Perhaps he's saving for a house or investing his money. Also, what you see on social media is meaningless. Some people simply aren't very active on it. If he's like me, he doesn't put lots of pics on FB. It sounds like you enjoy living it up with restaurants, vacations etc. and those things are fun to do in your 20s and early 30s, as long as one doesn't wind up in debt, or with no savings to speak of. It is possible he ghosted because things were going too fast, financially and he didn't want to try to "keep up" with a fast-paced, expensive lifestyle. I agree he should pay you back for anything he said he would.
He might be the type to save his money; doesn't eat out a lot, doesn't take lots of trips. Perhaps he's saving for a house or investing his money. Also, what you see on social media is meaningless. Some people simply aren't very active on it. If he's like me, he doesn't put lots of pics on FB. It sounds like you enjoy living it up with restaurants, vacations etc. and those things are fun to do in your 20s and early 30s, as long as one doesn't wind up in debt, or with no savings to speak of. It is possible he ghosted because things were going too fast, financially and he didn't want to try to "keep up" with a fast-paced, expensive lifestyle. I agree he should pay you back for anything he said he would.
Thanks for the feedback. He's definitely a private person, and like I said in a previous post the only reason he has Facebook was so that he could use a particular dating app. I don't believe $145 for accommodations and $70 for transportation is unreasonable + food expenses. Not my idea of living it up. Now Paris... yes. That would be living it up for sure.
But, I closed on my house 2.5 years ago, and happen to rent out two of the rooms, so my tenants/roomies are paying my mortgage and utilities. And like I said, I work full time and part time gigs every now and then if I have the weekends free. Therefore, I have extra wiggle room with savings or fun vacations. Which I know not everyone can relate or has that opportunity. I do live a rather face-pace lifestyle, but mostly for my job b/c I work in the travel industry and it helps with promotions when I can vouch that I've been somewhere. But... yeah maybe he feels inadequate or something.
He does splurge though. Nice car, place downtown (by himself), tech gadgets. He said he spends $650/month on groceries (not including eating out). So we all have our pleasures in life. I choose to live modestly in my town so I can vacation and see different cultures. That to me is truly living, not buying some LV bag. But to each their own.
Alrighty, we can put this post to rest. Here's the final outcome.
8:04am today: Me: "Good morning. Looks like you're still holding a grudge despite my efforts and apology. Don't worry about the re-payment, since it's not something we discussed prior to the trip and not fair for me to charge. Hope you had a chance to save whatever trophy pics you wanted to keep for Lord knows what purpose since you clearly didn't plan on hanging out again. Just glad we didn't book Paris. Well, I did. But not with you.. Wish you the best xoxo"
8:48a today: Him: "Hey, busy week, I used the word jumped on loosely, but you told me you didn't need me to pay for your meals that night we were at mellow mushroom, so I hadnt planned on making any attempt at that until later. No I'm not that's an assumption, I don't hold grudges, I was over [it] before we left NYC.
And when you called Monday, you seemed a little busy, as u stated, or put off, so I was giving you a few days to get settled back in. I'ts not about trophy pics or anything, I had a good time, and wanted to save those memories. It was over, being the issue. And if I didn't want to see you again, I would have told you.
I have had a long week, trying to get settled in, my neighbor is back full on, haven't been sleeping well, so I'm trying to work with my leasing office so I can move/transfer, work is pissing me off, etc etc.
The night we came back something made me sick as a dog, I don't know if it was that pizza or what, but Monday wasnt that great either. So my apologies for seeming distant these few days."
Final takeaways:
-I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and just called him to get everything straight
-I should have waited before doing a group trip. Maybe just have solo trips with him for the first few months. Small baby trips near our home. Then work our way up...
-My response to him about Paris was really childish, and in hindsight probably shouldn't have sent that
-It was definitely the pizza that got him sick as he's on a strict gluten free diet the other 364 days out of the year. Poor guy
-We both need to work on communication
-I need to relax
Thank you all again for your help with everything!
Final takeaways:
-I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and just called him to get everything straight
-I should have waited before doing a group trip. Maybe just have solo trips with him for the first few months. Small baby trips near our home. Then work our way up...
-My response to him about Paris was really childish, and in hindsight probably shouldn't have sent that
-It was definitely the pizza that got him sick as he's on a strict gluten free diet the other 364 days out of the year. Poor guy
-We both need to work on communication
-I need to relax
I do think most of your takeaways are right on, but I am surprised you are still dating him.
Just glad we didn't book Paris. Well, I did. But not with you..
How petty.
Glad this is over, too.
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