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This. OP, you lived with her for about 10 years before marrying her. If this were as important to you as you say, you wouldn't have married her. You got engaged at the 7-year mark, knowing this about her. Why did you do that? What reason did you have to get engaged to someone who didn't share your ambitious nature, was lousy in bed (from what you say), and rarely displayed initiative in life in general, leaving all the planning to you?
Honestly, it sounds like you're the one who was stuck in a rut for years, and decided out of inertia to get engaged, then years later, to put a ring on her. Is there are reason you didn't simply move on, years before the engagement? I mean...other than inertia?
Obviously, the OP isn't really happy in his marriage. Not sure what he can do now.
This sounds like another example of staying with someone with the hope that they will change, and of course this rarely if ever works. I know personally I would not be compatible with this person at all. Even though there are some shows I like, I also like going out and doing things and being active, and I can muster up the energy for these things even when working ten hour shifts and in my early 50's. So, the OP is going to have to make some tough decisions. I highly doubt though that she is going to change.
Last edited by david0966; 11-01-2017 at 10:32 PM..
This sounds like another example of staying with someone with the hope that they will change, and of course this rarely if ever works. I know personally I would not be compatible with this person at all. Even though there are some shows I like, I also like going out and doing things and being active, and I can muster up the energy for these things even when working ten hour shifts and in my early 50's. So, the OP is going to have to make some tough decisions. I highly doubt though the she is going to change.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the OP's wife, she just prefers staying indoors.
They aren't compatible in that realm. Doesn't mean the OP is wrong, or that the OP's wife is wrong.
Over the years I've known a few guys who complain about their wives as he does, and I noticed they usually fall into 2 categorizes.
1. At the time they got together she was the best he could do but as he advanced in his career he has attracted the attention of women he previously did not have access to. thus making him look at his wife more critically(buyers remorse).
2. was very attracted to her in the beginning then she let herself go and he then started noticing other things he did not like. (some people over look a lot when they find someone attractive).
Sad really because his wife(in temperament) sounds a lot like what I have been looking for for the last 17 years.
Yeah, it's not clear, because he says he loves her, and is glad she's in his life. But then he has a list of things he's unhappy about. And has been unhappy about many years.
He did say that he'd hoped that as time went on, she'd become more interested in bettering herself, or finding hobbies, or something. So maybe the person who said it sounded like a case of hoping the partner would change, was right.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the OP's wife, she just prefers staying indoors.
They aren't compatible in that realm. Doesn't mean the OP is wrong, or that the OP's wife is wrong.
It may not even be that she's just a homebody, but that she seems to lack an interest or drive in anything outside watching TV. Would the OP feel better if she took an interest in learning another language or a craft? Something "constructive." She may not be the social type that cares much for going out or planning activities on a regular basis. OP seems to prefer these sort of activities and having something to do or goals to achieve. His wife may just be content with relaxing and hanging out at home. If she's always been this way it's unlikely to change. She has to want to do these things and have the drive to seek out interests. I can understand if other things prevent that. If she's focusing on work, her health or struggling in certain areas that the OP hasn't caught on to.
She doesn't teach 365 days a year. What does she do on summer or holiday break?
Maybe she reads books, does less frequent cleaning tasks, and catches up on shows she has missed. Maybe she knits. She has a right to use her downtime how she wants if things are getting done they agreed upon
I spend almost all my (rare) spare time reading. I’d rather do that than hike, shop, or socialize. It doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious - it means I’m an introvert and my time is spent very active and around many people, so I crave peace and quiet and calm when I get the chance.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the OP's wife, she just prefers staying indoors.
They aren't compatible in that realm. Doesn't mean the OP is wrong, or that the OP's wife is wrong.
I agree, it seems like the two simply aren't compatible. The thing is, the OP should have seen this before getting married. I'm guessing he was hoping once married things would change, which brings me back to my previous post.
Maybe she reads books, does less frequent cleaning tasks, and catches up on shows she has missed. Maybe she knits. She has a right to use her downtime how she wants if things are getting done they agreed upon
I spend almost all my (rare) spare time reading. I’d rather do that than hike, shop, or socialize. It doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious - it means I’m an introvert and my time is spent very active and around many people, so I crave peace and quiet and calm when I get the chance.
Ummm... ok?
I did not say that the OP's wife was wrong. I was genuinely asking - what does she do when she is not working?
No need to defend yourself to me. I have no idea why you chose to quote me and get all defensive.
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