What might have been (wife, married, man, love)

[scribbles76]

Long ago and far away, before I abandoned the possibility of loving and being loved in return, I went to a costume party and fell almost immediately for a young lady dressed as Robin Hood who greeted me at the door. Sporadically over the next few years, we would see each other at similar gatherings and occasionally go to a movie together, after which I tried to convey my feelings and intentions.

Obviously, because this is me we're talking about here, these were not returned. I expected as much, truth be told, and put a youthful embarrassment behind me fairly quickly.

She too moved on, although we kept in contact whenever mutual friends (and family in her case) organised a get together once or twice a year. She married, had two children and that was that.

Just yesterday our old gang, first brought together by a love of The X-Files, had one of our semi-annual parties. After she had gone home and taken her son and daughter with her, her sister and brother in law (also friends of mine) told me more than I needed to know about the man she'd chosen as a husband.

In a nutshell, he is emotionally abusive, manipulative and lazy. For various self-diagnosed reasons he no longer works and took a very early retirement package. He spends every day the Lord sends watching television, does little or nothing that a man should to support his wife and family financially or any other way and spends all his money on Star Wars collectibles, which he considers the children's inheritance. He also won't engage at all with the family he married into, probably because he senses their disgust at his behaviour.

As a bystander in this saga and not even a bit player, I too am disgusted, for what little that's worth. I'm also fairly sure that being with me would be no bed of roses but, had the lady in question hitched her wagon to my star, I would have tried my level best to give her the life she deserves.

My anger is useless because the only way things will improve is if, when the children are older, she grows a backbone and leaves this pathetic manchild she's been enabling for years. If I'm even still alive by the time that happens, I hope to be in another part of the world pursuing a very different life.

I thought I'd put this all to bed fifteen years ago, but what I heard yesterday has opened several old wounds and what-ifs, and there's nothing I can do to change the situation. Intellectually I know that but emotionally it's eating me alive. Why are these two ways of responding to things so often at odds? Why can't they work together towards a potential solution?

[ComeCloser]

There is no solution. It sounds like the opportunity for one may have occurred 15 years ago. It was probably the same logical truth 15 years ago. She made her choice, and she and her children must honor her choice, despite any desire to lean toward regret.

She not only married this fine specimen, but also chose to procreate with him manifesting the love of two spirits into flesh and bone for all the world to see. What the Lord have joined together, let no man put asunder.

It is what it is. It wasn't meant to be. You have a star that may be still searching. Shine brighter yon star!

Your heart may make you sad for her, but logic and truth set you free!

[scribbles76]

You're quite right, CC. Not much point wasting time and energy on something I can't change.

I will say, though, she must have married a right piece of work if even I think I'd be a better option .