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I work at a place that's 80% married men between 33-50 and I swear they're all miserable in their marriage and constantly ***** about their wives and how terrible the wives are.
Why is this? is marriage really that difficult??
The bolded part is your answer.
That's the percentage of men who aren't naturally desirable to women, but they provide the stability women want after reaching a certain age. Basically, not good enough to have sex with, but good enough to marry. And therein lies the rub. Without the natural attraction/desire on the woman's part, there is no sexual "glue" to hold the marriage together. However, since she settles down with such a man anyway---because Chad Thunder can't provide stability if his life depended on it---there is lingering resentment on her part, and understandably so. Such a resentment comes to the surface in how her husband gets treated; namely, the nitpicking over "little things".
Top 20% of men, which includes Chad Thunder, can leave dirty dishes in the sink, sweaty gym socks on the floor, and empty milk cartons in the fridge, because "it's just how he is", if he gets married at all. But most husbands do not have the same luxury.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ToIsenguard
IIs it really that difficult to have a happy awesome marriage where you're not constantly fighting over bull****?
For 80% of men, yes. The only real solution is to learn to emulate the behavior of naturally desirable men, so your wife's natural desire toward you overrides her discomfort with the dishes, gym socks, and empty milk cartons.
so explain to me why my 33 year old manager, who is incredibly chill (literally one of the nicest guys I've ever met), they have all the money in the world - why does his wife constantly pick fights over nothing??
I bring up this example because I am very similar to that. I consider myself the ultimate diplomat in terms of my interpersonal relationships. I don't ever get into conflicts over anything - I try to find a way to resolve everything where all parties are happy with the outcome
Sometimes you have to have conflict when standing ones ground. Conflict does not have to be angry outbursts. But some things are non-negotiable. For instance, with our firstborn, my husband did not really know how to discipline. He would yell. I told him, calmly, that I would not have him yelling at our child. If he did it again, I would remove our child from his presence. It took exactly 2 instances of my delivering on this promise for him to "get it" and change his ways.
Bitchiness is one of the easier problems to solve. A simple I will not be spoken to like that. When you are ready to speak calmly and respectfully, we can do so. Remove oneself from the other person's presence. Done.
Why do you assume that the version of his story that you're hearing is the truth? Maybe he's not so chill at home. Maybe he chose to marry a high-maintenance woman and fully knew what kind of life he was signing up for. You're around a bunch of dudes who are gossiping and competing to be a put-upon sitcom husband--that might not be the whole story.
I believe his story because I know the kind of guy he is. Even in the most terrible and stressful situations at work, he is incredibly laid back, considerate, understanding/easy going and great to work with. He is not going to be any different at home
She is a cute Polish woman who he says was awesome before the marriage/kids. Oh and they barely have sex too, which seems to be another marriage thing - women's sex drive completely evaporates
so explain to me why my 33 year old manager, who is incredibly chill (literally one of the nicest guys I've ever met), they have all the money in the world - why does his wife constantly pick fights over nothing??
I bring up this example because I am very similar to that. I consider myself the ultimate diplomat in terms of my interpersonal relationships. I don't ever get into conflicts over anything - I try to find a way to resolve everything where all parties are happy with the outcome
Since you mentioned this guy twice, I wonder if he is just saying "my wife doesn't understand me" lines to you as a hope to start an affair.
Personally I don'g get why your much older manager would share personal details about his marriage, imo that's not appropriate at all.
I believe his story because I know the kind of guy he is. Even in the most terrible and stressful situations at work, he is incredibly laid back, considerate, understanding/easy going and great to work with. He is not going to be any different at home
She is a cute Polish woman who he says was awesome before the marriage/kids. Oh and they barely have sex too, which seems to be another marriage thing - women's sex drive completely evaporates
That's the percentage of men who aren't naturally desirable to women, but they provide the stability women want after reaching a certain age. Basically, not good enough to have sex with, but good enough to marry. And therein lies the rub. Without the natural attraction/desire on the woman's part, there is no sexual "glue" to hold the marriage together. However, since she settles down with such a man anyway---because Chad Thunder can't provide stability if his life depended on it---there is lingering resentment on her part, and understandably so Such a resentment comes to the surface in how her husband gets treated; namely, the nitpicking over "little things".
Top 20% of men, which includes Chad Thunder, can leave dirty dishes in the sink, sweaty gym socks on the floor, and empty milk cartons in the fridge, because "it's just how he is". But a "regular" husband does not have the same luxury.
For 80% of men, yes. The only real solution is to learn to emulate the behavior of naturally desirable men.
the 33 year old guy I am talking about is a 6'3 250 LB italian lifter very manly dude making 150K a year. He is Chad Thundercock
One of my best friends - a 5'11 195 lb insanely ripped insanely strong good looking all American white guy who is a multi millionaire - also in a terrible marriage. They never have sex and there is zero romance
why is that not appropriate? I love the guy to death, he's my favorite boss I've ever worked with
Because any problems in his marriage are between him and his wife (and their marriage counselor). Airing his dirty laundry in public to the guys at work is a betrayal of their relationship to each other, and it's not something a good guy who's committed to his marriage would do..
so it shouldn't be this impossible to have a happy marriage?
No, hardly impossible. But be wise in your choice of partner, it is the biggest decision in your life.
Plus, don't listen to all these stories and assume you are getting the whole story.... "incredibly laid back" can mean he takes no responsibility at home and lays on the couch all day, maybe he married his wife because he thought she was hot and that was enough.....
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Because any problems in his marriage are between him and his wife (and their marriage counselor). Airing his dirty laundry in public to the guys at work is a betrayal of their relationship to each other, and it's not something a good guy who's committed to his marriage would do..
Women tell their female friends everything that's going on in their life, why are men not allowed the same??
It's not like he is telling me some kind of super private secrets in his life. Telling me that his wife picks fights over nonsense and that her sex drive has completely evaporated to nothing is within reason. You're telling me women don't talk about their husbands and their sex lives to their female friends?
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can't provide stability if his life depended on it---there is lingering resentment on her part, and understandably so. Such a resentment comes to the surface in how her husband gets treated; namely, the nitpicking over "little things". 
