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I am not often troubled by such things. On the rare occasions they trip me up I can shrug them off within hours or days. It's almost a reflex. I can convince myself without much effort that they won't be reciprocated or won't do either person any good if they are, and before you know it I'm back to my old self.
'Your problem,' a much coupled, intensely emotional and somewhat tiresome friend of mine once told me, 'is that you see relationships as a problem.' She's not mistaken, though I would make a distinction between a problem and an obstacle. The former need to be solved, the latter can be avoided. Why go through it when you can go around it and still get where you're going?
The received wisdom says that we need someone to share the burdens we all carry. A noble sentiment, but where's the advantage? At best you get half of their problems and they, in return, are saddled with half of yours. A fair exchange of absolutely no benefit because the total weight is the same.
For some, finding a companion is a highlight or even the main goal of their life's journey. All power to them and the very best of luck. For me it's a distraction and I prefer to nip any potential temptations in the bud before they have a chance to flower. Trust me, it's better that way.
I don’t think it’s really possible. Before I moved to Germany for my assignment I was consistently hanging out with a really beautiful, really cool chick. Ticked all the right boxes for me. But since I knew I was moving I kept her at arms distance. I thought I had kept feelings at bay. That was, until, we had a longer conversation after a night out and I made it clear I couldn’t commit because of my upcoming assignment and I didn’t want to go deeper.
Well in the next weeks following she more or less told me in womanese she was done. I understood it and I thought it wasn’t going to bother me, but I definitely felt a sense of loss of the relationship and realized my feelings were stronger than I had believed. I had just ignored them.
So my point is in some cases, you’re just fooling yourself.
Perhaps, but it's all for the good and doesn't happen often enough to cause me any problems. Every five years at most.
I was gonna quote the same on what you quoted on your reply. At least you agree somewhat. I have been where you are. Single my whole life and tells myself the same thing. I presume you are younger than me coz depression and loneliness and longing for companionship finally hit me 2 years before I reach 40 years of existence and gave in to dating. I finally gave in to online dating which I avoided like a plague for so long.
I am married now and realized that yap, I was just fooling myself all those years justifying why I prefer to be single and actually regret being so egotistic and scared of rejection and taking risks. What a waste.
Life is so much meaningful and happier with someone to love and who loves you back.
Life is so much meaningful and happier with someone to love and who loves you back.
Meaningfulness and happiness are subjective. If you like your life as it is and are working towards goals that will make it even cooler, why shove it all sideways to make room for someone else? I was an only child. I don't like to share.
Meaningfulness and happiness are subjective. If you like your life as it is and are working towards goals that make it even cooler, why shove it all sideways to make room for someone else?
Because life is meant to be shared. No man is an island. You are still on I'm single and loving it brainwave. I dig it. I've been there. Wait til you got tired of fooling yourself brainwave/phase. Then re open this thread.
If you were spending time here for your stated reason, you'd be just reading and/or asking questions not continuously reiterating your supposed aversion and avoidance to the whole relationship/love thing.
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