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Why are people that do not have regular sex with their partner surprised when they find out their partner is cheating?
This always annoys me.
I was having a conversation with a friend a while back and she mentioned that she could not even remember that last time her and her husband had sex because they were so busy with the kids and work. Then she just brushed it off as it was not big deal. Reality is that most adults with kids and jobs are busy. That does not mean they stop having sex for months !
When she said this my eyes almost fell out of their sockets.
What I said was, "Really? If I was not having sex with my husband I don't really think I would have much reason for keeping him around".
What I wanted to say is you better fix that or don't be surprised when you find out he has been cheating on you or leaves you.
I seriously wanted to shake her and tell her the SHE NEEDS to figure out what is going on because if he is not sleeping with her something it up. The average healthy man in his mid 30s does not suddenly stop wanting to have sex. The question is more likely why does he not want to have sex with you?
To make matters even worse is that before getting married he did actually cheat. When she found out she was furious. They when to counselling and remained together. Now like 8-10 years later after getting married and having 2 kids that are school age they "are too busy to have sex". Her husband is a nice guy at face value, but he has cheated on her before and also has friend that cheats on his wife.
It is none of my business to some extent, but as someone who has been a life long freind it is so hard to see a exceptionally smart women is so many other areas be so blind.
I really felt like telling her get your head out of your butt, invest a little less time obessing about making sure your gets gets stright A marks in JK and pay attention to relationship with your husband before you become a single parent.
Why are people naive enough to think that if they are not meeting their partner's needs that they are going to forever be okay with living in a sexless relationship. Knowing this couple since the start of their relationship makes me feel this is a disaster waiting to happen.
I would personally be crazy worried if my husband did not want to have sex with me. So I don't get how she thinks this not a problem. I totally see in this case that he obession with being a perfect parent is leaving her husband out in the cold. I can understand being so attached at the hip to your kids when they are babies and toddlers.... but they are not that small anymore. Plus her parents live near and able to watch them and they live in a big house so not much of an excuse for them not to have alone time.
Anyone who has been in this situation want to add their 2 cents?
In terms of all the relationships one could have realistically the main reason to select spending time with a male partner vs a female friend is that sex/ romance factor.
If I wanted to a sexless relationship I would more likely be better suited to be in a relationship with a gay man or a another women and it would be slumber parties, dinner parties, shopping and partying as much as possible.
Take out the sex/romance ... then I might as just be living with anyone else I had a great time with.
... Also the comment was made to be humerous to lighting up the converstaion and not directly spell out what I was really thinking.
I use to live with her. We shared a room and I was literally cued to go out for a LONG walk many times to give then alone time. My freind and her husband use to have a high endurance in that area. So we are not talking about people that were passive in the bedroom. I could understand less frequently .... but to fully stop sounds like something is up.
What does any of this have to do with "people?" I only see talk of ONE specific person in your OP.
While sex is an important component, it's not the ONLY thing that keeps people together. So you mean to tell me, the ONLY reason you have your husband around is to have regular sex? I mean if that's what makes you happy, do you. But be honest with yourself when you answer this question.
Nobody is owed sex, even if you're in a relationship. There are quite a few couples that don't have sex on a regular basis and are fine with that. It's one thing if your sex drives don't match up, it's another when life gets in the way, and people may get caught up. That's still no excuse to cheat. I hate that cop out. "You weren't doing what you were suppose to be doing, so I got it from somewhere else." It's ridiculous as hell.
It's a surprise because you're still in a relationship, even if it has become sexless. If one partner is unhappy about their sex life, than you talk about it with your partner. If you can't resolve things, you end the relationship ... not resort to cheating. Just because your partner isn't having sex with you doesn't mean you don't owe them your respect as their partner.
For medical reasons, I know a married couple who couldn't have sex anymore. Do you think the one partner still has the right to cheat? Your ignorance is disgusting.
^^^ Yeah. I agree. Very odd way to think.
People have different drive and needs. If a couple is happy with whatever sex schedule they have - it's up to them. Why judge?
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I seriously wanted to shake her and tell her the SHE NEEDS to figure out what is going on
Once a day
Once every other day
Once a week
Once every other week
Once a month
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