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So since my wife and I have been married she has always had dreams about her ex. At first it would be one a year then it started getting more frequent. Well last month she told me she wanted to talk to him and had been looking for him ( He lives in Dominican Republic ) and she asked if I would mind if she talked to him because she said it would ease up her dreams. I was very reluctant but I do want her dreams to go away (she feels like her dreams are because she left him while he was in prison and they told each other they were going to be together forever she said they were married in their hearts).
Anyways now she says she wants to go to Dominican republic and see him. I am not happy about this at all. I have not done anything to her to have this problem. She did earlier in the marriage cheat on me but she said there was no sex involved. Just she needed attention and my job did not allow me to give her the attention she craved ( I have since given her lots of attention I even changed my job). I have been a very faithful husband and have supported her in every way I possibly can. I feel like this is cheating but she says her heart is big enough to love two men and she wishes she could live in Dominican Republic so that she could live a double life, be with me most of the time but be with him sometimes too.
I am dying inside because I have tried to talk to her and I have tried to tell her where this leads and have let her know I messed up letting her talk to her ex in private. She would have done it anyways she said. I told her "Once the genie is out of the bottle it can never be put back in." She still continues and has now been telling me she has been training me all the love making ways and things he used to do to her so that I would be like him. She even told me that technically I was the other guy and have I ever thought about his feelings? I am in love with her and have been though a lot with her but now she wants to mess it up even though we have more than 15 years into our marriage.
This year has been hard for both of us (two cats who we have had since got together died this year and her boss died leaving her with money and a house) she keeps saying she only wants to go to Dominican republic for two weeks but I know where that leads I also know that she is going to do what she wants anyways and I can't keep her like a pet in a cage. She also said I should accept this and that I am not allowed to divorce her even if she does this because she loves me very much supposedly. I told her you can't love two people at the same time.
I feel very much screwed and don't know which way to go now. I have also been told that when she goes I cannot let her mother or brother know where she went. They know of him and did not approve of him. So now not only do I get hurt but I can't talk to anybody about it. Please help me. I was thinking of maybe trying to find someone to start an affair of my own so that she would feel the pain I am in, but I know that is not the right thing to do and is also not helpful. Advice please?
Why are you letting her make all these rules you have to follow? lol Put your big boy pants on and stand up for yourself at least. I wouldn't stand up for the marriage, its over imo.
So since my wife and I have been married she has always had dreams about her ex. At first it would be one a year then it started getting more frequent. Well last month she told me she wanted to talk to him and had been looking for him ( He lives in Dominican Republic ) and she asked if I would mind if she talked to him because she said it would ease up her dreams. I was very reluctant but I do want her dreams to go away (she feels like her dreams are because she left him while he was in prison and they told each other they were going to be together forever she said they were married in their hearts). Anyways now she says she wants to go to Dominican republic and see him. I am not happy about this at all.
I have not done anything to her to have this problem. She did earlier in the marriage cheat on me but she said there was no sex involved. Just she needed attention and my job did not allow me to give her the attention she craved ( I have since given her lots of attention I even changed my job). I have been a very faithful husband and have supported her in every way I possibly can. I feel like this is cheating but she says her heart is big enough to love two men and she wishes she could live in Dominican Republic so that she could live a double life, be with me most of the time but be with him sometimes too. I am dying inside because I have tried to talk to her and I have tried to tell her where this leads and have let her know I messed up letting her talk to her ex in private. She would have done it anyways she said. I told her "Once the genie is out of the bottle it can never be put back in." She still continues and has now been telling me she has been training me all the love making ways and things he used to do to her so that I would be like him.
She even told me that technically I was the other guy and have I ever thought about his feelings? I am in love with her and have been though a lot with her but now she wants to mess it up even though we have more than 15 years into our marriage. This year has been hard for both of us (two cats who we have had since got together died this year and her boss died leaving her with money and a house) she keeps saying she only wants to go to Dominican republic for two weeks but I know where that leads I also know that she is going to do what she wants anyways and I can't keep her like a pet in a cage. She also said I should accept this and that I am not allowed to divorce her even if she does this because she loves me very much supposedly. I told her you can't love two people at the same time.
I feel very much screwed and don't know which way to go now. I have also been told that when she goes I cannot let her mother or brother know where she went. They know of him and did not approve of him. So now not only do I get hurt but I can't talk to anybody about it. Please help me. I was thinking of maybe trying to find someone to start an affair of my own so that she would feel the pain I am in, but I know that is not the right thing to do and is also not helpful. Advice please?
For anybody who was struggling to read this.
As for you OP, you know you're being played in your own marriage. Also her boss left her money and house? Wth?
Anyway you know what you need to do. We shouldn't have to tell you.
Her boss left her money and a house? What? And it is hard on both of you? And she is dreaming of her ex con ex BF? and is still in love with him? What? Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-11-2017 at 03:03 PM..
Reason: Personal attack.
OP, as soon as she gets on the plane, go directly to an attorney and file for divorce, then tell her Mother and Brother where she is and what she is doing.
Do not take everything though, leave 1/2 the money in any joint accounts you may have, pay 1/2 any credit cards or loans you may have, if you can move out but take only 1/2 the household goods.
Good luck.
I was thinking of busting her before she even gets to go by telling her mother who lives nearby and then calling her brother but then I betray any trust she has in me.
Awww. wow I am sorry. You were used by her for 15 years. It's when someone gets money that they show their true colors. So it's the same for women then huh. It's usually the nerdy ugly guys who settled with whoever took them and then suddenly became rich then BAM! left their wife with a younger woman who obviously just want their money.
Buy why is she pining for an ex con is beyond me. There really is nothing you can do when the other person has decided to leave. Especially now that they can afford it. Sorry. But, you really can't do anything here.
Why are you letting her make all these rules you have to follow? lol Put your big boy pants on and stand up for yourself at least. I wouldn't stand up for the marriage, its over imo.
I was thinking of busting her before she even gets to go by telling her mother who lives nearby and then calling her brother but then I betray any trust she has in me.
It looks like she doesn't give a damn about you. Don't you think it strange her boss gave her a house and money? Hmmm. I can't see a single reason for you to trust this situation. Maybe you need to start thinking of yourself.
[quote=ImElectric;50369470]I was thinking of busting her before she even gets to go by telling her mother who lives nearby and then calling her brother but then I betray any trust she has in me.[/quote]
uhm...so what?????
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