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I recently started talking to a guy off a dating site, and one of the things he said to me just struck me as pretty unreasonable for a 40 year old man to say, he told me:
"I don't want to date anyone who's been married or has kids, I am young enough to start a family of my own, I don't need anyone else's"
I happen to be 35, never married and no kids, however that is not common, and for him to think he's young enough to demand that every woman who comes across his way not have kids is a bit unreasonable in my opinion and makes me wonder if he just has unreasonable expectations of women general.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,943,649 times
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No. I ran into them all the time in Boston and SF without looking for them. It is just a preference that limits his pool, but everyone has that choice.
Most people I've had dates with in Providence in their late 30s and 40s also don't have kids, a couple had been married, but overall it seems more people have had kids and/or been married (less well educated area). The person I'm interested in was married and has two daughters. I don't care, but I'm also too old to start a family so its not an issue to me.
I don't know how common it is to have that on a profile as a guy (I don't look at em), but it isn't all that uncommon on profiles of women my age. Not the "don't ever have been married part", I can't recall that, but its fairly common to see "don't have kids" from women without kids, and its also fairly common to see "I'd prefer someone with kids" from someone who does have kids. No biggie either way.
Theyre just dating preferences and everyone is entitled to have their own, no matter how reasonable or ridiculous. Smart guys will not purposely look to raise another mans kids, they would only raise their own - given the choice. Im in his age range and would also not date a single mother.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,943,649 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by John1981
Theyre just dating preferences and everyone is entitled to have their own, no matter how reasonable or ridiculous. Smart guys will not purposely look to raise another mans kids, they would only raise their own - given the choice. Im in his age range and would also not date a single mother.
Of course dating, even being in a serious relationship, with a single mother doesn't mean you'd be raising their kids. One does not automatically follow the other.
Theyre just dating preferences and everyone is entitled to have their own, no matter how reasonable or ridiculous. Smart guys will not purposely look to raise another mans kids, they would only raise their own - given the choice. Im in his age range and would also not date a single mother.
^THIS. For me being closer to 50 than 40, I can't afford to be this picky and would have no choice but to consider a woman with 1 or 2 kids. But at 40, he still has choices for sure.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,727,010 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182
I recently started talking to a guy off a dating site, and one of the things he said to me just struck me as pretty unreasonable for a 40 year old man to say, he told me:
"I don't want to date anyone who's been married or has kids, I am young enough to start a family of my own, I don't need anyone else's"
I happen to be 35, never married and no kids, however that is not common, and for him to think he's young enough to demand that every woman who comes across his way not have kids is a bit unreasonable in my opinion and makes me wonder if he just has unreasonable expectations of women general.
Do you guys agree or disagree?
l don't think that is unreasonable. Unlikely, yes, unreasonable, no.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 4 days ago)
35,612 posts, read 17,940,183 times
Reputation: 50639
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182
I recently started talking to a guy off a dating site, and one of the things he said to me just struck me as pretty unreasonable for a 40 year old man to say, he told me:
"I don't want to date anyone who's been married or has kids, I am young enough to start a family of my own, I don't need anyone else's"
I happen to be 35, never married and no kids, however that is not common, and for him to think he's young enough to demand that every woman who comes across his way not have kids is a bit unreasonable in my opinion and makes me wonder if he just has unreasonable expectations of women general.
Do you guys agree or disagree?
He's not demanding that of "every woman he comes across" - he's demanding that of a woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and raise a family with. The "one".
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,067,894 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182
I recently started talking to a guy off a dating site, and one of the things he said to me just struck me as pretty unreasonable for a 40 year old man to say, he told me:
"I don't want to date anyone who's been married or has kids, I am young enough to start a family of my own, I don't need anyone else's"
I happen to be 35, never married and no kids, however that is not common, and for him to think he's young enough to demand that every woman who comes across his way not have kids is a bit unreasonable in my opinion and makes me wonder if he just has unreasonable expectations of women general.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 4 days ago)
35,612 posts, read 17,940,183 times
Reputation: 50639
Quote:
Originally Posted by John1981
Theyre just dating preferences and everyone is entitled to have their own, no matter how reasonable or ridiculous. Smart guys will not purposely look to raise another mans kids, they would only raise their own - given the choice. Im in his age range and would also not date a single mother.
I wouldn't use the term "smart", but rather, maybe "most" is a better word.
A "smart" man knows he can probably attract a woman above his normal league if he's open to being kind and supportive of her child.
A man who can't be gracious to another man's child is not going to make a good partner for a woman who is otherwise a real catch.
Of course dating, even being in a serious relationship, with a single mother doesn't mean you'd be raising their kids. One does not automatically follow the other.
I think what it guarantees though, is that you will never be #1 in her life. Of course, if the kids are grown up some and independent, then it doesnt matter as much.
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