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Greetings all. I'm posting on this forum looking for some advice on how I should approach relationships at this stage in my life.
To give a little bit of a broader background, I'm 36 years old, male, and as the title above describes, have never been married. The reason I mention that, is I find myself at this age where I feel that its getting to be now or never if I want a family. Before, even at my early 30's, I've never given it much thought. That there would still be plenty of time to just find the worlds biggest cliche: "finding someone to love and settle down with". Which so far has been elusive.
I suppose there have been more than a few reasons why I find myself in this current hole I've been stuck in. I come from divorced parents, grew up poor, and moved around the state of California until I was 16. That wouldn't be so bad, as many families face the same issues, but I was diagnosed with severe social anxiety only when I was 21. So my options as far as careers/jobs has been rather limited. And this did, of course, bleed into the few relationships I've had. I'll tell you all one thing, there is no more bitter pill to swallow than realize how many relationships you could have had when you were younger, only for the anxiety to take over and smash those dreams.
Anyways, once I did get into my 20's, I had a decent job as an installation tech for a satellite company until I hurt my back once I turned 30. This was around 2008. Flash forward to 2010 when I was let go. What a shock that was. Not the firing, but realizing just how bad the economy was. I've never been great at interviews, as it's usually all I can do to limit the panic attacks during the screening process, so I've usually relied upon temp agencies to help me out. Nada this time around. Nothing. Wow. So, I decided to go back to school in order to get a degree in English. I would love to go into the STEM fields, but I'm so bad at math, it's ridiculous.
So, by the time I do graduate from a four year once I transfer, I'll be around 38 at the time. So, I suppose the answer I'm looking for, is what I should do in my situation? Should I look abroad for relationships? The four year state schools here in California offer studying abroad as an option. Think that could work? Thanks for any advice.
Were you TREATED for your anxiety after your diagnosis??
How are you paying for college?
There are women all around you, every day, especially in school. If you can't make yourself get to know some of them, then maybe dating abroad would be best, since you can't talk to people without panicking.
Were you TREATED for your anxiety after your diagnosis??
How are you paying for college?
There are women all around you, every day, especially in school. If you can't make yourself get to know some of them, then maybe dating abroad would be best, since you can't talk to people without panicking.
I was treated with Paxil and Prozac at different intervals. I never really cared for them, as I felt detached somehow. Like the emotion was drained from me. I'm thinking of taking Zoloft or Xanax, as that might possibly be a better alternative.
Well, I'm at a community college now, so I figure that if the FAFSA doesn't cover all of it, as I'm quite assured it won't, then I'll try and find work on campus and take out some student loans. Not the best course of action, but better than nothing.
Yeah I know. America is going down the tubes anyhow it looks like. I was thinking of studying in another country. I think that might help.
Oh well. I'm not looking at a magic pill to solve everything, but maybe a better option.
I meant that at this point you should try a so called mail-order situation since your issues apparently have rendered you unable to navigate a relationship with a woman here.
I meant that at this point you should try a so called mail-order situation since your issues apparently have rendered you unable to navigate a relationship with a woman here.
I know, but it seems like it's going down that slippery slope to me. Cuts to education, cuts to military, cuts to job training and financial aid, cut, cut, cut, cut. I don't see that getting any better. Hell, look at the biggest forum topic going on right now. Talk of the rising number of militias and possible Civil War conflicts! How can that be construed as anything remotely positive? And the economy is doing great I suppose, if you are a recent immigrant both legal and illegal. If I do go the foreign bride route, it just makes sense to pack up, and try overseas.
severe social anxiety is a crutch disorder. what do i mean by that? some people are just shy, but some psychologist somewhere had to put a label on it so he could prescribe drugs for this "disorder", and get a kick back from big pharma for selling their drugs.
you dont need drugs to get over this, you need balls, big ones, usually made of brass. as i have told other people, when i was younger i was very shy. if a girl deigned to even speak to me, i very nearly fell apart. my tongue go so twisted that any words that did dribble out of my mouth were severely discombobulated. needless to say in my teen years, i had very friends, and only one girlfriend, and i was teased, especially by girls, all through jr high and high school. ultimately i got over my shyness and opened up. took a long time though.
so if i can do it you can to. start by going to parties when invited, and instead of standing in the corner, stand in the middle, that way people have to talk to you, if only to tell you to move to one side please. get into a club, any club will do, chess club, computer club, what ever. also at group gatherings, listen in on conversations, and when you have something interesting to say, say it. be prepared to back up any positions that you take, because you will be challenged. and that will be good for you in the end.
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