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I have my speculations, mainly when it's blatantly obvious. However, I acknowledge the fact that I will never truly know what happens behind the closed doors of others. I've never felt what I think is love so I doubt I have a radar to detect it in others.
I think most are convenience, with most women looking for financial security and men sex. I got married 25 years ago (still married), too young, because I (we) thought it was just what was done. Its what our parents did and our friends were doing. I like the way more younger people these days are waiting until their 30s before getting married. You know yourself alot better after spending a bit of time on your own, building a career, etc.
I have my speculations, mainly when it's blatantly obvious. However, I acknowledge the fact that I will never truly know what happens behind the closed doors of others. I've never felt what I think is love so I doubt I have a radar to detect it in others.
I don’t think loving someone and being IN LOVE with them are the same thing. I mean, I would hope that you do love the person that you’re married to, have kids with, etc. but that’s not the same thing as being in love, in my opinion. But not everyone cares about being in love, so maybe it doesn’t matter to them. But speaking from my own personal perspective, I’d rather be in love for a short time than to spend a lifetime with a person who I was never in love with.
At this stage of my life, most of the couples I know have been together for a good 20 years and have weathered a lot of crap. I would say that 3/4 are in love (the grownup, comfortable companionship kind of love), and the other 1/4 are either hanging by a thread or just tolerating each other.
I got married 25 years ago (still married), too young, because I (we) thought it was just what was done. Its what our parents did and our friends were doing.
That's not a good enough reason to do anything, let alone take as big a step as marriage.
I'm a contrarian at heart, and if all my family and friends are doing something, that's usually a sign for me to do just the opposite.
I find most of them seem to be in relationships of inconvenience. I've met a few couples that were really in LOVE and their positive energy makes you almost jealous. But most couples I come across seem to just be tolerating each other. Similar to a co-worker relationship at work.
I'll admit I didn't love any of the girls I dated so far. I always liked them the most early in the relationship with a steady decline after the honeymoon stage lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Depends on how you define love.
If you haven't passed adolescence, you might define love as the rush of pulse quickening, burning loins, sleepless nights, and manic obsessiveness. That's infatuation and a bit immature.
If you are mature, you define love with lasting values, such as a deep commitment, loyalty, and the elevation of the relationship above the needs of either party. That's love.
OP, I think this ^ is the best answer I've seen to your question so far.
It's all about how love is defined. If I'm not mistaken op, I believe you're saying you detect love between couples when there's obvious "positive energy" or visible romantic energy between them. I'd personally define that type of energy as infatuation or maybe lust.
I would not presume two people "love" one another just because they're heavy on the pda, for example. In fact I'm not sure how I'd define love at all, but I'd definitely lean towards a definition that's more significant than just thinking someone is hot and being obvious about it.
I know I'm gonna get destroyed for saying this, but I doubt most couples who've been together for five years or more have the same level of infatuation they had with one another earlier in their relationships. It's not that it's not there, it's just that the comfort level with one another grows, and that romantic racing heartbeat feeling takes a backseat to the more practical day-to-day concerns of building a life together.
I would imagine this is what you're coming across in the majority of the long-term couples you've seen. They have limited to no infatuation with one another, but are bonded in ways that are private between them, in ways that are not really meant for the rest of the world to fully see or understand.
OP, there are many different forms of love. Affection, true care, warm feeling, attachment, adoration, intimacy, romantic. Not all are shown at one time, some shown often, some shown rarely, but they are all there.
Some couples show it in different ways. Yes, it may look like it's just for convenience or might be intimacy or romance.
IMHO, it's shown the most when times are tough or when someone hits rock bottom. Thats when true love shines the most. The one who's there to lend a hand, pick you up and carry you through the storm, lift you up when your feeling down. That person is also there to smack you on the head when your too full of yourself, and you need humbled.
With divorce rates as high as they are, I have to admit that actual love is either a fantasy, or some type of temporary insanity.
Folie a deux to be exact.
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