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So I’ll put up a disclaimer - I am super chatty and make a of small talk when I am in public. I apparently send out morse code to peolpe that says please talk to me but.....
The other day I was sitting at Starbucks drinking a cup of tea and listening to a podcast. I was chilly so I had my hood on too. I was lookin down at my phone scanning something or other. But I’d say the body language I was puting out in the universe was, “do not talk to me right now.”
And a guy comes up, and sits down across from me. And he starts interrogating me. “Where are you from? My name is Bob, I am from so and so.” I look up for 2 seconds, say hi and go back to my phone.
The guy is still sitting there after a few minutes. ”Are you busy?”
I reply I am listening to a podcast. And I go back to my phone. The guy is sitting there still. Then says “are you married, you don’t have a ring? I am really nice and resoectdul to women. I want to get married. Do you want to have dinner with me tonight? Why not, I am nice. Let me give you my phone number.”
#creepy
At this point it has been more than a few minutes, and ignoring and not engaging with this guy is not working. So I tell him to give me his number, pretend to put it in my phone. And luckily he just walks away asking me to text him, and didn’t wait till he got a text from me before leaving. [that has happened to me in the past and one reason I use google voice regularly]
When randos come up to us, we don’t know if they are creepy assgressive, potential stalkers or what else.
In this case basic body language wasn’t enough. And ignoring him didn’t work. It was daytime in a public place so I felt safer that I would have if I was alone at night on the street.
So if you want to hit on women in public, pick up on basic social cues.
What this guy did was creepy/moronic, after you clearly showed you were not interested.
When I’ve approached strangers, I never volunteered my name. I’d ask their name first and I’d say something like “It’s nice to meet you” and I’d then wait for her to ask me my name. If she just said “It’s nice to meet you too” or didn’t add “What’s your name?” To the end of that, I took this as my cue that she definitely wasn’t interested and moved on. Not that her asking my name is indicative of her being interested, either, but I always assume that her not asking my name means she doesn’t care what my name is and isn’t interested.
And without her asking my name, I’d quickly find a way to end the conversation by saying something like “Well, it was nice talking to you, but I’ve gotta run” and would just walk away.
What this guy did was creepy/moronic, after you clearly showed you were not interested.
When I’ve approached strangers, I never volunteered my name. I’d ask their name first and I’d say something like “It’s nice to meet you” and I’d then wait for her to ask me my name. If she just said “It’s nice to meet you too” or didn’t add “What’s your name?” To the end of that, I took this as my cue that she definitely wasn’t interested and moved on. Not that her asking my name is indicative of her being interested, either, but I always assume that her not asking my name means she doesn’t care what my name is and isn’t interested.
And without her asking my name, I’d quickly find a way to end the conversation by saying something like “Well, it was nice talking to you, but I’ve gotta run” and would just walk away.
I agree, it is not a problem if you listen the cues of the person you talk to. Personally, I would rather have a conversation before all of this name exchanging happens. Once there seems to be a reason for me to expand beyond small talk, then I am happy to intro myself.
Next time something like this happens, a simple "sorry, don't mean to be rude, but I am not up for socializing" . And if he asks for your number to contact you later, "no, sorry".
I know it's a bit awkward, but you have to be direct with clueless people like this because they don't read cues.
Don't ask for his number, do not give him encourage, that just feeds his creep and stalk behaviours...just keep playing with your phone and say ,you are busy right now with work or something
It fails if the guys not physically attractive..if he was you'd give him your number..
Nah. The guy had no game. Plopping himself down in her space, ignoring the fact that she was engrossed in something else, and practically proposing to her? Sorry, but the guy could've looked like (pick hottest guy you know) and it still would've been creepy, and pititful.
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