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I hate to be the one throwing cold water here, but have you considered that perhaps the child is not yours? That might explain some of these seemingly unusual lines of reasoning.
I think it's very rare that a woman has a desire to have her baby have her name. Not very many women name a daughter after themselves - I've only known two - and both are extremely self-centered high maintenance women. I would call them both narcissistic, actually.
It's pretty common for men to want a "jr." to follow in his footsteps.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 29 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djmaxwell
They're talking about last names, not first.
Yes, I do understand that.
I'm just saying that it's common for a man to want his child to have his name, even first AND last. In this case, OP only wants the child to have his last name, which I think he's right in asking.
I know a couple like that. She kept her name and she wanted her baby to have her name. The husband's last name is L-i-f-s-h-i-t-z. Can't say as I blame her.
I'm just saying that it's common for a man to want his child to have his name, even first AND last. In this case, OP only wants the child to have his last name, which I think he's right in asking.
Why? I've never understood why unmarried women give their child the father's surname.
If he wants the child to have his name he needs to give it to the mother first.
Real quick. Both mid 30s. No kids. Been dating 8 months. Things are great. In love. She’s 8 weeks pregnant. Unexpectedly. I plan to marry her. She told me baby will take her name. She won’t budge on this. I feel like this is disrespectful to me and a slap in the face. She says if we marry we can change it later. My thing is that I will always be the father and in the picture. Paying for tings etc. so it should have my name. To me the only reason a woman should do this is if the dad is a deadbeat and not in the picture. And she once told me that if she had a kid before marriage she would never get married because she thinks her body will never look the same. She’s very particular about her body. So I’m afraid she won’t marry me and my child would never have my name. If she doesn’t trust me that I’ll marry her why should I trust her to say yes. As man always wanting kids I always thought of them having my name. Anybody with experience with this what are your thoughts?
Thanks
Offhand it sounds to me like she plans for you to be a sperm donor, only. If you're serious, why not marry her now? And the argument about her body no longer being attractive after having a baby is either ignorant, or just an excuse she's using. Many women get back into shape after giving birth; it's normal, nowadays.
This doesn't look good, OP. It doesn't bode well. Do you even know for sure if the pregnancy was an accident? It might have been her choice, behind the scenes. We don't know the circumstances.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-03-2018 at 09:06 AM..
You're having a baby with this woman without knowing about this beforehand? Have you had the hyphenated name after marriage discussion yet?
Get to know someone before procreating with them, folks!
At this point you're stuck. Get a paternity test. Maybe you'll get lucky and the kid won't be yours and you can back out and try again with someone else...after you get to know her better!
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 29 days ago)
35,774 posts, read 18,122,233 times
Reputation: 50853
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
Why? I've never understood why unmarried women give their child the father's surname.
If he wants the child to have his name he needs to give it to the mother first.
He wants to, apparently, but she doesn't because she won't rock the wedding dress right now.
But yeah, I agree, if the dad was refusing to marry her and raise the baby, don't give the baby his name.
I know a couple like that. She kept her name and she wanted her baby to have her name. The husband's last name is L-i-f-s-h-i-t-z. Can't say as I blame her.
Normally, the couple solves that problem together; they create a new surname out of elements of each of theirs, or they choose a different surname altogether, or decide together to both take her surname. It's not usually a decision made unilaterally by one member of the couple. Couples normally are about teamwork.
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