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l don;t see whats the problem even if they don't like women , so what as long as people don't go round bashing all the time who cares live and let live and all is well with the world.
Plenty of women hate on men anyway.
l won;t be listening to it but as long as they keep it outa my face l don't really care what they like or don't.
Sounds like you need to be more private about your business op. l don't tell people shyt myself, works wonders.
OP, FTR I'm female but I understand what you're saying.
I used to get nosey inquiries from relatives and even some co-workers.
Most of them were in marriages that left a lot to be desired.
Occurred to me they may have resented my independent life.
But they said I must be a man-hater or even insinuated I might be gay
WTF?
I got to where I said to myself eff them, and went on with my life.
Why does choosing the bachelor's life equate in some people's minds with a hatred of women, or worse, membership or at least some form of identification with an organisation we don't mention (TM)?
Neither are true in my case, and I certainly hope none of my posts here have been mistaken for any kind of gender bashing. I own my choice not to become romantically involved with or commit to anyone, and I have never blamed people of the preferred gender for guiding me towards it. I made the decision off my own back and for my own benefit, as well as that of anyone who may at some point show interest in me.
All too often I hear that because I don't date I must have a problem with the opposite sex. I've even been told that I need to 'address where my hatred of women comes from.' That could be a problem when I have nothing of the kind. I like women tremendously and enjoy their company. What I don't like is the way romantic relationships are perceived and presented in our culture and I'll have no part of it.
Our friend Millennial Urbanist often writes about his concerns surrounding giving up his freedom and hobbies for the sake of a partner. I'm in the same boat, but I don't look at it from a perspective of 'men do x and women do y, and for a relationship to work they must do z.' Rather, I put my own needs and goals ahead of anything a relationship might offer me, and willingly abandon the latter in pursuit of the former.
I will cop to accusations of selfishness because I consider solitude a fair price to pay for it. Anyone who thinks I harbour any ill feeling or resentment towards an entire gender because of a choice I willingly made is mistaken or needs to exercise their grey matter a little more.
Fine with me if you are a happy bachelor.... It brings no negative connotations to my mind.
But then, I am happily divorced and will stay that way. Love the solitude and freedom from constantly
trading off that is needed in marriage. Don't feel or have a need for a constant male present. But I do like men, much as OP has stated about women.
For those who might question you....they need to turn their wasteful thoughts towards themselves, improve their own lives.
This is the essence of what I'm trying to say. I keep people, both kinds of people, at arm's length because I want my life to be simple. The biggest concern I have is that a relationship wouldn't allow that, and I'd rather opt out altogether than let someone down.
I'm catching up on this thread...this post was really interesting! It sounds to me, like what you're saying is that you wouldpossibly enjoy a relationship if it felt 'simple' and in harmony with the rest of your life interests. Could it be that the real conflict you're feeling is that you believe you have to choose between a simple life and companionship? That you believe the two are exclusive of each other?
If you genuinely have a desire for something, but you believe it's not possible (for whatever reason), it creates a kind of cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is extremely uncomfortable to experience, because you essentially hold two beliefs that contradict each other. Ergo most people suppress the genuine conflict, keep it out of conscious experience. Then the conflict takes on another form, it's projected outwards unconsciously...in this case...it's the people who keep harassing you that are the problem.
They are only a problem because they are alerting you to a conflict inside you that you don't want to look at. Once you look at it, once the cognitive dissonance is resolved (however that unfolds for you), what other people say about it won't cause any emotional reaction in you whatsoever.
I'm catching up on this thread...this post was really interesting! It sounds to me, like what you're saying is that you wouldpossibly enjoy a relationship if it felt 'simple' and in harmony with the rest of your life interests. Could it be that the real conflict you're feeling is that you believe you have to choose between a simple life and companionship? That you believe the two are exclusive of each other?
If you genuinely have a desire for something, but you believe it's not possible (for whatever reason), it creates a kind of cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is extremely uncomfortable to experience, because you essentially hold two beliefs that contradict each other. Ergo most people suppress the genuine conflict, keep it out of conscious experience. Then the conflict takes on another form, it's projected outwards unconsciously...in this case...it's the people who keep harassing you that are the problem.
They are only a problem because they are alerting you to a conflict inside you that you don't want to look at. Once you look at it, once the cognitive dissonance is resolved (however that unfolds for you), what other people say about it won't cause any emotional reaction in you whatsoever.
That's what it sounds like. The OP has bought in to some negative stereotypes about relationships.
Why does choosing the bachelor's life equate in some people's minds with a hatred of women, or worse, membership or at least some form of identification with an organisation we don't mention (TM)?
Neither are true in my case, and I certainly hope none of my posts here have been mistaken for any kind of gender bashing. I own my choice not to become romantically involved with or commit to anyone, and I have never blamed people of the preferred gender for guiding me towards it. I made the decision off my own back and for my own benefit, as well as that of anyone who may at some point show interest in me.
All too often I hear that because I don't date I must have a problem with the opposite sex. I've even been told that I need to 'address where my hatred of women comes from.' That could be a problem when I have nothing of the kind. I like women tremendously and enjoy their company. What I don't like is the way romantic relationships are perceived and presented in our culture and I'll have no part of it.
Our friend Millennial Urbanist often writes about his concerns surrounding giving up his freedom and hobbies for the sake of a partner. I'm in the same boat, but I don't look at it from a perspective of 'men do x and women do y, and for a relationship to work they must do z.' Rather, I put my own needs and goals ahead of anything a relationship might offer me, and willingly abandon the latter in pursuit of the former.
I will cop to accusations of selfishness because I consider solitude a fair price to pay for it. Anyone who thinks I harbour any ill feeling or resentment towards an entire gender because of a choice I willingly made is mistaken or needs to exercise their grey matter a little more.
Let me put it this way.
I have no interest in stamp collecting. Or raising parakeets. Or vegetarianism. Or gardening. So, you will not find me on those forums.
Meanwhile, you claim to not be interested in relationships, but you're here all the cotton-picking time. Not only that, but your contributions typically are counterproductive, offered without any apparent understanding of relationships at all. Just kind of a smug and lazy, "I'm above all this" offering with little value.
Yet you keep coming back. And back again. And back some more. To the point where more than 50% of your posts are on the subject of relationships. Odd for a person who feigns disinterest in the subject
All that makes your claim of lack of interest in relationships a bit of a lie. Maybe not to us, because we're not fooled, but rather to yourself. You are actually interested in relationships but, for whatever reason, you can't summon the wherewithal to actually experience one. That means all your contributions are theoretical, and therefore unhelpful. My contributions are based on twelve years of dating and 28 years of happy marriage. So, a lot of the time, I actually know what I'm talking about. I've actually lived it.
In that sense, people aren't actually reacting to your apparent cluelessness. Instead, they are reacting to the fact that you know nothing about relationships but want to make yourself a bit of an authority on them. Your statements on women are about as pertinent and informed as my opinions on raising Shetland ponies. But I don't visit the Shetland pony forums and hold forth. That would make me a poseur.
Here's the deal. If you're interested in relationships, then say so. Have the courage to be in one. But don't sit here and hold forth on a subject that you pretend holds no interest for you.
Hey, if you're truly not interested in relationships, it's no skin off my nose. But why come here in the first place?
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 04-13-2018 at 04:29 PM..
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