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My girlfriend and I haven't had the easiest of roads dealing with 2 hour long distance and super long distance for around 2 years. But just last month we hit a sweet spot when i moved closer to her leaving all my family and friends behind and I thought everything would finally work out.
1 month goes by, We've been sharing some great times together and sex wasn't an issue. ( weve had sex since the beginning )
Last week she tells me she doesn't want to have anymore sex and wait till marriage and shes serious.
she says she thinks it will be beneficial for us in the long term once we finally get married, but i aint planning on even popping the question for another 1-2 years.
As you could imagine I was a bit upset.
Shes started going back to church in the last 10 months which i have no issue with and i even went with her twice, and I'm not religious at all and don't want to be, but this is whats made her suddenly change her mind, and she wasn't that religious when we met, only going to church at Christmas. Now she goes every Sunday and through the week.
I also understand you cant get it daily, weekly or hell id take once a month, Its completely taking it away is what sucks. I feel that me moving closer to be with her was compromising enough as i left everyone behind and it really upsets me.
This turn of events has really thrown this relationship upside down, she was fully expecting to lose me when she mentioned this, I know I cant force her, its her preference and what she wants.
But does that make me look like an ******* for having an issue with it? We've had sex many times and I guess im just to stubborn to give it up and feel tricked. I believe sex is good for a mans mental well being and is fundamental to a relationship.
I dont know what to do or how to go about this. I can either go with it and accept it, though I just dont feel it will be as easy as that, im not mad at her for making this choice Im just super dissappointed as i thought me making the sacrifices i made to get this relationship on track i feel she is taking more away from me, Or it ends because she aint changing her mind.
anyone been through sex before marriage and how did it go?
Dump that chump, dump that chump, lose that loser, dump that chump!
She has turned into a "Bible-thumper" IMHO. At least she "went" before you got more serious.
A simple "You know, this is not working for me, so, have a nice life." will do.
Nothing, its been a 10/10 for me and i hope for her when we did.
I did just call her tonight though and her reasons are she just wants to get to know each other all over again now that im back but without the sex, go on dates, do couple things, enjoy the summer...but yet still wait till marriage. She doesnt want a repeat of our last situation because as of right now even though its been nearly 2 years since we met, and since I was out of the country for the year, now that im back its still the same exact situation if you think about where I am living and where she is living, only seeing each other on weekends etc.
I mean I get it and I dont.
Religion or no, this is red flag territory. You two have a lot of major differences and it sounds like she is putting the brakes on it but letting you make the ultimate choice. This doesn’t sound like someone genuinely enthusiastic to be married, to be honest.
This happened to me once. After a month or two of great sex, he got religion and decided that 'Jesus does not want me to have sex with you'
At the time I was very hurt and embarrassed. I hung on for a couple more months but there were other indications of his lack of maturity. Now I think it is feking hilarious.
A few years later I hired him to do some work on my house and he wanted to have sex again. I said what about Jesus? and he said he regretted that. It was too little too late. He did good work on my bathtub, tho.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by 303Guy
He is relocating to be with her. How much more committed can he be?
Traveling two hours to be with her. Flying sixteen hours to be with her.
Thank you! Especially for an LTR you should not go to the chapel too damn fast. OP's girl is obsessed with getting married and is willing to manipulate the situation to get that ring. Op needs to run like hell away from this one.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,634 posts, read 17,975,706 times
Reputation: 50661
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Thank you! Especially for an LTR you should not go to the chapel too damn fast. OP's girl is obsessed with getting married and is willing to manipulate the situation to get that ring. Op needs to run like hell away from this one.
I certainly wouldn't call a woman who waited patiently for 2 years "obsessed". Goal-directed, maybe, because that's what you have to be with your life to achieve what you want.
Can't tell how old these folks are, but if they're out of school. working, unencumbered, 2 years is long enough to wait for someone who has the goal of being married and becoming a parent.
You can't go through that cycle many times before your time has run out.
I know there are many people who don't really have any clear direction they want for their lives, and have a very "well, we'll see what happens, maybe I'll want to be a parent, maybe not, not in any hurry to make any decisions", and that's absolutely fine for them.
There are others who have a roadmap that they want to follow.
He is relocating to be with her. How much more committed can he be?
Traveling two hours to be with her. Flying sixteen hours to be with her.
He's not committed at all. He was talking about his "escape route."
He's got one foot out the door already. He's interested, but certainly not "committed," especially since she's changed the rules.
He shouldn't be trying to force this to work.
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