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My husband and I have been married 13 years. I haven’t been happy for quite some time, and while it’s come up before, I finally decided that I want more and staying together, while easier than leaving in many ways, is not right for me now. We are amicable, thankfully.
Due to various reasons — we have 10 months left on our lease, and housing costs around here make it hard to afford 2 places at once right now — we are still living together until he finds a suitable place . We’re still in the same room, in fact, though I am getting myself a bed and moving into the spare room.
He is texting /messaging several women. Like a lot of the time. Some are friends, some he is interested in. Even though I know he hasn’t done anything, it still kind of bothers me. Is that weird? I guess my feeling is that the papers aren’t even filed yet, so maybe he could wait a little bit?
I’ve never done this before, and being in the same house is pretty awkward in a lot of ways. I am not sure I’m being rationale here, and haven’t said much to him about it.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
Once you have both agreed that divorce is in the works then both are free to do as they wish imo.
You might set ground rules like no dates coming back to the house but as far as texting he should be able to text anyone he wants.
Yeah, I get it. I’m not saying he doesn’t have the right to text whomever he pleases. Just that it bothers me on some level. Not all the time but sometimes, if I’m being honest.
Yeah, I get it. I’m not saying he doesn’t have the right to text whomever he pleases. Just that it bothers me on some level. Not all the time but sometimes, if I’m being honest.
It'ts gonna bother you, but you said yourself you haven't been happy, and you asked for a divorce. So ... this is part of the deal if you're going to be in the same house.
Move into your own room, and try to stay out of each others' business for the remaining months.
Of course it's going to bother you. You've been married to this guy for 13 years (and I presume dating for longer?). You just can't turn those feelings completely off like a spigot, even if you don't want to be married to him anymore.
But yeah, he's allowed to do what he wants.
I would reccommend he not text other women with you laying next to him in the bed though. That's just wierd. Y'all need to set some ground rules... perhaps keeping shenangians out of the house is appropriate. Not being in-your-face with the dating on either side seems reasonable.
Yeah, I get it. I’m not saying he doesn’t have the right to text whomever he pleases. Just that it bothers me on some level. Not all the time but sometimes, if I’m being honest.
Does it bother you because, deep down, you would like the marriage to work out? Just a thought...
Does it bother you because, deep down, you would like the marriage to work out? Just a thought...
I don't think so. I do think it's more that I just don't want to see him reaching out to other women right in front of me. Once I'm in my own space it will be much better.
And I know we're all different, but I guess it still just hits me that the papers aren't even filed yet (waiting for him to complete something). I myself have no desire to hook up with anyone for a while, after over 13 years together. To each his own. Maybe men process things differently.
That's what I was thinking...so I'm picturing him actually wanting her to know. Like: "Oh now what does Jenny want..." or "The funniest thing happened to Kate today...."
Yes OP, this happened to me. I hate to admit it, but I changed my sister's contact pic and name in my phone to 'Jake' bc she always responded if I texted, then I put my phone down where he could see it, walked away and when she responded here's this picture of a cool guy smiling from my phone, and I made a production of sighing: "What does Jake want now....hee." and went in the other room to talk or text.
Juvenile, I know, but my xSO got mad, and I asked him if we could at least be respectful of each other until this was over.
Good question. Some, because he told me. One woman in particular he met through an online group (not a dating group.) Others, because he is messaging them on Facebook, and when I walk by, I can see their picture. I do not read his texts or messages. I know some of his texting is not related to this at all, of course.
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