Coworker I have crush on. I think he is gay? (how to, women)
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I started a new job about 5 months ago. During this time I have been trying to figure out a coworker, that I have gotten a crush on. I am gay btw. However, I always assumed that he was straight, so never thought much of it. But there have been certain things I find strange about him that lead me to think he may be gay and perhaps wants something with me.
1. I usually reserve the same meeting room for my meetings. The room itself has glass walls on all three sides. The meeting room is right by where he sits. So on several occasions while in the meetings, I catch him looking at me. I will look out from the room see him looking at me from his desk, and then he looks away. It happens a lot! Then when I have other rooms reserved and he is passing by them, he always makes it a point to wave hi to me and smile (even when we already had chatted that day).
2. Once they brought breakfast for the whole staff. I was standing in line waiting to get mine and he came from behind me and squeezed my bicep and said "Hey John" and then kept walking. At first I had no idea who that was, until I turned around and saw him passing by. This was also when I was very new, so I really didn't know him too well.
3. When I am walking down the hallway with someone, he will look at me and excitedly say "Hi John!" then look at the person I am walking with will say "Hey Beth" but in a very monotone way and nowhere near as excited when he says it to me.
4. Every time he passes by my desk I catch him looking at me. Then when I catch him, he looks away.
5. We follow each other on Instagram. He likes EVERY picture I post. Then in my likes I have noticed he always appears on the top. The thing is I work in digital marketing so I know the algorithms of social media. For Instagram, the order of people that like your photo, appear in the order of the people that look at your profile the most (it's kind of a secret but yes it's true). He is always the third one that appears on my list of people who likes the photo, with the two people before him are two gay guys that had a thing with me. So he is definitely looking at my profile.
6. This last one is strange. I don't know what to think. When him and I are talking 1-on-1 in a meeting or something, I notice he looks away, he doesn't look in my eyes. He looks away as he talks all the time.
Am I over analyzing or does this seem strange to you all? I have to admit I have the biggest crush on him and he is really cute. I never hear him talk about other women at all. I really have not shown any interest or ever been flirty, although lately I have been. I think overall, platonically speaking, we have really good chemistry together.
With that being said I think I want to get to know him a little better.
You want to get to know him better, so do it! Tell him... suggest an innocuous activity, a drink after work. If it's just you two, surely you'll be able to tell if he's interested....if he refuses then hold back and reconsider...
You want to get to know him better, so do it! Tell him... suggest an innocuous activity, a drink after work. If it's just you two, surely you'll be able to tell if he's interested....if he refuses then hold back and reconsider...
Well he's already invited me to a couple of things it's just the timing has been off. Also, I am trying to be careful too, while I would never deny feelings for someone, I am still new at this job and you should always be careful with work relationships.
So I think I know what I will do. He's really into photography, and I recently have gotten into it. I am thinking maybe I can ask for his help on how to do photography and we can go out one weekend and do it together. I think that would be a very neutral invitation where I can gauge more.
I think that may be where I come out to him too. As far as I know he doesn't know I am gay (and I am very masculine) so most people don't know.
There was another situation that I forgot happened as well. We were at a group dinner, it was coworkers, and every time I would crack a joke or something, he would reach around the person that was sitting between us, to touch my shoulder to recognize what I said. I thought that was also odd. It seems like he likes to find any excuse to touch me haha. I haven't noticed him doing it as much with other people in the office.
Well he's already invited me to a couple of things it's just the timing has been off. Also, I am trying to be careful too, while I would never deny feelings for someone, I am still new at this job and you should always be careful with work relationships.
So I think I know what I will do. He's really into photography, and I recently have gotten into it. I am thinking maybe I can ask for his help on how to do photography and we can go out one weekend and do it together. I think that would be a very neutral invitation where I can gauge more.
I think that may be where I come out to him too. As far as I know he doesn't know I am gay (and I am very masculine) so most people don't know.
There was another situation that I forgot happened as well. We were at a group dinner, it was coworkers, and every time I would crack a joke or something, he would reach around the person that was sitting between us, to touch my shoulder to recognize what I said. I thought that was also odd. It seems like he likes to find any excuse to touch me haha. I haven't noticed him doing it as much with other people in the office.
Yes, the touching is interesting....
Your plan sounds good....since you are the new one at work, why don't you allow him time to come out first...???
Your plan sounds good....since you are the new one at work, why don't you allow him time to come out first...???
Good luck
I mean I don't think I am going to announce it to him haha. But I am out to everyone in my life except work, but that's because I don't walk around announcing it and for me it's not as obvious. But I get a feeling if we hang out 1-1 I am sure we will start talking about more personal stuff, which could lead me to opening that topic up. Although I am not going to lie I kind of want to tell everyone already and just put it out there. But there is a time and place for that.
Anyway, I guess one day at a time. We also have to travel for work together so I am going to ask him to see if he wants to go running one morning when we travel as he is a runner and I am too.
Last edited by frimpter928; 06-12-2018 at 01:07 PM..
Since this is a co-worker and it sounds as if you work closely with this guy - seriously consider the potential ramifications, career-wise & job-wise, if this does not pan out.
Since this is a co-worker and it sounds as if you work closely with this guy - seriously consider the potential ramifications, career-wise & job-wise, if this does not pan out.
Totally agree. I would tread carefully. Trust me if this wasn't work, I already would have made a move and not being posting on here about it. It's actually why I am not flirty with him at all, trying to keep it professional but as of late, he's gained my interest.
If anything, as I mentioned, if he is gay, he's definitely not out. I may be able to become a gay mentor if he ever decides to come out (and I don't mean that in a sexual way).
I think the first thing you need to do is make sure he knows that YOU are gay. Maybe he is in the same situation as you - he's gay and he has a crush on you, but he's not sure you are gay and he's nervous about making a move on someone who is straight.
So find a non-threatening way to make that known to him, like casually mentioning something in his presence that makes it obvious without being a direct come-on to him.
I read your post to my husband and he says that the guy is gay and that no heterosexual guy would do all the things you listed.
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