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This is a really lovely sentiment. Marriage is about giving our best selves to each other and complimenting our partners weaknesses with our own strengths when needed (and vice versa). No marriage is perfect, but it sounds like you two have a good one and that’s a real gift. Blessings to you.
Agreed. I think the two of you will get through this HFB. You aren’t wrong to be concerned about the neighbor visiting, and “kind” hubby was a jerk after the weather/FB thing but I think you all will be okay.
To whoever said that rules are meaningless—no they aren’t. My neighbor and I both work from home and our spouses work outside home. Since I simply see the guy around more than I see his wife, I tend to contact him about neighborhood related stuff but I always copy the wife on the communication. I don’t want there to be any reason for her to be concerned—not that she would be because he seems like a very devoted husband. It’s not about trust, it’s about me respecting their relationship.
This person has really over stepped the boundaries of you guys friendship.Going through a divorce is horrible BUT that doesn't give her the right to over step her boundaries in going over to your house when you're not there to chat with your husband.If she was your friend...she would only be your friend.Never before did she go over there when you and your husband was in the house.This is probably the first time that she has been talking so much to your husband,That is not cool.She never should have gone over there knowing that you were not home.She doesn't have good healthy boundaries and you shouldn't be friends with her anymore.TRUST your GUT instincts!!She is being inappropriate her and she doesn't care.Your husband shouldn't laugh it off and he should take you seriously.
I think she perhaps meant when I wasn't there and he was home alone?
I remembered that she had tried to come over to hang out with him when I was asleep a couple times before. He always told her no. I put it out of my head because I just thought she must have been stupid drunk.
Anyways, its water under the bridge. Hubby and I are doing great and he knows where my comfort level is now and seems more then willing to abide by my wishes. I now realize my friendship with her wasn't a true friendship and losing that isn't a bad thing. Slow fade...hopefully she is moving out. She hasn't been home since before I got back. But either way, I don't think its a friendship I am going to go forward with. No major drama, people move on. I bet if I tell her I quit drinking I wouldn't even see her again
I think things are in a good place, overall. Thanks everyone for listening to me and offering up thoughts and suggestions. It was really helpful. I needed to process the whole thing before I actually did go crazy.
Here's the problem often (from a red blooded high testosterone Male's perspective, not from a weak willed, whipped obedient Male's perspective):
- You are assuming he's attracted to her enough to warrant risking the relationship for
- If you are this defensive over a recent divorcee coming over in her time of need then this plus #1 tells me something is up in the relationship (probably mostly on your end). Do you have unresolved baggage prior to the marriage from past relationships or has he done something prior to make you think he will make this situation complicated?
- Worse comes to Worst - Regardless of original intentions...YOU invited the devil into your home so please don't complain about the results
- I have a general premise that it is foolish for Women to believe that Men are 100% comfortable being monogamous and not sampling something on the side occasionally. But that is another topic for another day.
I don't even know where to start. But you contradicted yourself in your second and then final statement.
And its funny to accuse me of "inviting the devil into my house"...as if people shouldn't have friends over? And if they do and the woman goes after her man, and he gives in, its the wife's fault for having a friend over in the first place?
This is a very odd post. Anyways...its off base. But thanks for your time
I think she perhaps meant when I wasn't there and he was home alone?
I remembered that she had tried to come over to hang out with him when I was asleep a couple times before. He always told her no. I put it out of my head because I just thought she must have been stupid drunk.
Anyways, its water under the bridge. Hubby and I are doing great and he knows where my comfort level is now and seems more then willing to abide by my wishes. I now realize my friendship with her wasn't a true friendship and losing that isn't a bad thing. Slow fade...hopefully she is moving out. She hasn't been home since before I got back. But either way, I don't think its a friendship I am going to go forward with. No major drama, people move on. I bet if I tell her I quit drinking I wouldn't even see her again
I think things are in a good place, overall. Thanks everyone for listening to me and offering up thoughts and suggestions. It was really helpful. I needed to process the whole thing before I actually did go crazy.
Congrats on working it out with your hubs, OP! And thanks for the update and the happy ending!
Im finding hard to understand how your husband would not see this as inappropriate. The whole thing was too much and its weird. Im married and would never entertain this type of situation.
Im finding hard to understand how your husband would not see this as inappropriate. The whole thing was too much and its weird. Im married and would never entertain this type of situation.
Well...I am not sure he did find it appropriate. He tells me he didn't want her to come over, but was being polite because she is going through a hard time and believed she would be over leaning on my shoulder if I was home. He "invited" her to leave many times. He would never tell her flat out to go, he is super polite...maybe to a fault. But he would be like "oh look at the time, I need to get to bed" or something like that. He wouldn't have been so defensive if he believed he was actually right. And the times she had asked to come visit with him while I was sleeping, he was totally weirded out and told me about it.
But I don't need him to grovel. He gets the boundaries now. And I realized ones that he has that I need to work on, as well. So why/how/WTF doesn't matter so much, it feels resolved.
And he hasn't given me cause to be jealous in our marriage. I think I have been jealous 5 times. Once a woman was obviously flirting with him in front of me. Clear as day. He seriously didn't notice she was flirting. He thought the conversation was odd and out of place but he...he just doesn't think like that. He is a huge introvert
from a red blooded high testosterone Male's perspective,
Translation: from an insecure, overcompensating dude's perspective
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