Hoping someone may have some advice

[Sonic_Spork]

I'd consider recording it too, just to prove to him what is happening, and I'd ask him to go to a sleep center, do a sleep study, and see what is going on. I would not assume that he is cheating or doing drugs or actually doing any of this, but this is some really strange sleep behavior and modern medicine does have ways of treating sleep disorders.

Treat it like a mental illness situation.

I would assume that his bad behavior when awake is due to being deprived of proper restful sleep. Sleep deprivation can really mess you up. Like any mental illness or disorder situation though, the person must be willing to get help. If they are not, then you may have to end the relationship to protect yourself and your kids, because no one should have their life ruined by a partner who won't get help when they need it.

[Sassybluesy]

Stress can bring on sleep talking. Has something changed in his life, that might be bringing on the episodes?


You know...if he's talking in his sleep, it's not something he can help.


Have you ever heard of Sleep Talking Man? There's this husband and wife, and husband is a nice, mild mannered sweet man, who sleep talks some crazy stuff. Some of it vulgar, most of it just plain silly ridiculous. His wife started recording him because he didn't believe her when she'd tell him what he said.
Sleep Talkin' Man


Anyway...instead of assuming he's doing drugs, or sleeping around on you, suggest a sleep study. To me, it sounds like his cranky behavior is because he's not getting enough proper rest.


And if you HAVE been bugging him about sleeping around and doing drugs...stop. Sleep talking isn't any kind of proof of that.

[oh-eve]

Check his phone.

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by Sassybluesy

Stress can bring on sleep talking. Has something changed in his life, that might be bringing on the episodes?


You know...if he's talking in his sleep, it's not something he can help.


Have you ever heard of Sleep Talking Man? There's this husband and wife, and husband is a nice, mild mannered sweet man, who sleep talks some crazy stuff. Some of it vulgar, most of it just plain silly ridiculous. His wife started recording him because he didn't believe her when she'd tell him what he said.
Sleep Talkin' Man


Anyway...instead of assuming he's doing drugs, or sleeping around on you, suggest a sleep study. To me, it sounds like his cranky behavior is because he's not getting enough proper rest.


And if you HAVE been bugging him about sleeping around and doing drugs...stop. Sleep talking isn't any kind of proof of that.

OMG I LOVE SLEEP TALKIN' MAN!!

There is an actual book, I have it in the shelf beneath my coffee table. It's got material that was never put out on the website. When the site was active, I was checking in with it every single day.

At least it is still there, unlike Regretsy, which was another favorite funny site of mine and vanished into thin air.

Yeah, great idea for the OP to have a look at the Sleep Talkin' Man site. Seriously, people who talk in their sleep are not indicting themselves for any conscious behaviors or thoughts, and no one should take anything that they say seriously. They cannot control it. I believe the theory that dreams, sleep talk, and the like, is just the brain having random electrical storms and trying to sort that activity into something remotely resembling a story or logic of some kind. Much like when you see forms or faces in random patterns or clouds, your brain wants very much to try and make order out of chaos.

But at the same time, I would wonder if a sudden and drastic change in sleep behaviors AND mood, could be a sign of something medically wrong, too. Like a tumor or...something. The guy should get checked out by medical professionals, seriously, and I would react with concern for his wellbeing, rather than suspicion.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by Csw4059

New to all this and dont really know if im posting in the right place hopefully someone will be able to guide me in the right direction if im posting in wrong place**i have turned to the internet as im really lost what to do now, my partner and i have been together for almoat 4 years now and all was fine up untill about 18 month ago, my partner started acting out 'sex' in his sleep over the last 18 months its got increasingly worse and now every night but hes acting out as tho hes having sex with other different women and calling them by names, or talking about taking drugs in his sleep etc.. i have confronted many times about this and he says he has no idea where all this has come from.. also his mood and personality as become very different, he was quite a relaxed laid back person but is now increasingly aggitated and angry and not a nice person really most of time with constant mood swings, ofcourse i have mentioned this to him but just seems to add fuel to the fire really. So lost in what to do right now or how i could help. Feel so down and like im walking on egg shells all the time.

You shouldn't leave him for sleep talking.


But for his behavior when he is awake. Walking around on eggshells is no fun.

[self-made]

If he isn't willing to discuss the issue with you in hopes of discovering the problem and working toward a resolution, move on. His problem (that he's not willing to discuss or address) is now your problem, and will continue to be if you stay with him. Were I you, I would not accept maltreatment by anyone.

[ComeCloser]

Originally Posted by DefiantNJ

Yes, it is so easy to walk away from the 4 year long relationship. I assume the OP is well aware of this option and is asking for an advise on how to try to improve things...

Thank you for pointing out that you have an issue with my post, but offer no suggestion of your own to improve things. I posted to move on, and I also posted why it should be done. I never said it would be easy, but I am assuming the OP is in touch with her feelings and understands that it wont be easy. You are assuming she isn't apparently?

What is your answer when your partner acts out having sex with other women and calling them by name; talks about doing drugs; has mood swings when concious; has left you feeling really down and feeling like you are walking on eggshells? Nothing?

I'll give you that if nothing is the best you have to offer, then its all you should post.

Originally Posted by Csw4059

I guess that would be the easiest thing to walk awayfrom the whole situation, is hard to do so when you know what person they were like before kind of cling to hope that things will change or be different, i cant say for certain he talks about taking drugs and having sex with other women in his sleep, i have no proof that any of this actually takes place tho, is just so difficult and is making me miserable and his behaviour as in been angry n things is affectin my children too i suppose i just turned to the internet to see how other people would deal with it or have dealt with it in the past. Thankyou for your responses

Its not the easiest. Its going to be the hardest probably. As I said, someone with a drug problem isn't going to stop before they reach rock bottom. The people who love them, and put up with anything they throw at them become their enablers. If someone is putting up with an addiction, and the user is not open to stopping on his own, then what reason does the user have to stop?

What do you have that is going to get him to stop? It seems to me all you have is yourself. You should tell him, I love you, have loved you, but I love me too, and I cant go on this way. Call me when you clean up and decide that I am what you want.

If you think he is just sleep talking and sleep acting and none of this is based on anything he is actually doing then forget what I just said, but the mood swings while he is awake sort of sealed the deal for me that he has a problem. I don't know him and I don't know you, so I could easily be wrong too.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by Csw4059

i cant say for certain he talks about taking drugs and having sex with other women in his sleep,

But you already did.

Originally Posted by Csw4059

and now every night but hes acting out as tho hes having sex with other different women and calling them by names, or talking about taking drugs in his sleep etc..

What's the deal here, OP?

[meo92953]

You don't mention his age but I assume since you've been together 4 years, that you are not kids.

Sometimes a personality change can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. My son, who was always a sweetheart, changed drastically in his mid twenties. After a year of erratic behavior, including alcohol & drug use, he was finally diagnosed as bipolar. Although it was a shock to hear, he was put on medication which helped tremendously.

Since I am not a doctor I certainly can't diagnose your partner but thought I'd share what happened with my son.

[Lovehound]

Originally Posted by Csw4059

New to all this and dont really know if im posting in the right place hopefully someone will be able to guide me in the right direction if im posting in wrong place**i have turned to the internet as im really lost what to do now, my partner and i have been together for almoat 4 years now and all was fine up untill about 18 month ago, my partner started acting out 'sex' in his sleep over the last 18 months its got increasingly worse and now every night but hes acting out as tho hes having sex with other different women and calling them by names, or talking about taking drugs in his sleep etc.. i have confronted many times about this and he says he has no idea where all this has come from.. also his mood and personality as become very different, he was quite a relaxed laid back person but is now increasingly aggitated and angry and not a nice person really most of time with constant mood swings, ofcourse i have mentioned this to him but just seems to add fuel to the fire really. So lost in what to do right now or how i could help. Feel so down and like im walking on egg shells all the time.

I have a quite different take on this than the others, and perhaps it's my education (I minored in Psych at college) and my fascination with medicine, diseases and treatment.

This is just totally bizarre:

1.) acting out during sleep including vocalization
2.) also mentions *drugs* during sleep
3.) mood and personality disturbance, mood swings
4.) agitation, expresses anger (presumably inappropriate)

I can think of any number of medical and psychiatric problems that could cause such behavior, and drug use cannot be discounted.

Partner should get a medical checkup, and should discuss with his doctor if a psychiatric evaluation is needed. This could be the onset of a serious medical problem, particularly since it sounds like it's escalating.

Drug use should be considered too, and also ask if he has prior drug use history. (Or tell us if you know. Drug use is not something that reformed ex-users like to discuss.)

People don't change like this for no good reason. Instead of something he's doing, maybe it's something that's happening to him! And worse, if there is perceptional involvement then he may be impaired to the degree that he isn't aware of his behavior, or is incapable of being rational about it.

By all means record him while he's sleeping. If you can get enough light to take video without waking him, do it. Presented with proof of his conduct he may be totally surprised and might be scared into seeking medical advice.

I think this may be a medical or psychiatric problem and not a relationship problem at all, except for the effect of whatever it is on the relationship.