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Very different though then meeting someone on bumble, exchanging a few messages and then meeting for a date. We are literally complete strangers. With the architect and the ones I met at book club, there wasn't any sort of romantic pressure or sexual tension. We simply talked about mutual interests and became friends that way. Then it was easy to transition in something romantic from there.
Yes. Hiking, BOTH of the dates. Well he definitely isn't going out with somebody like me. for one thing I'm a couple of years older, I think... for another thing it was 94 degrees here today, if a date asked me if I wanted to go hiking I definitely would turn that down. I did go to a festival by the river though, so it was an outdoor activity, just not so extreme.
OP--you're already doing very well-- you found a couple of women who would like to do an outdoor activity in the heat, so if you like the No Frills type, I think you've been very lucky to get these positive responses. Two of them!
Tips: Answer questions honestly and not vaguely in any way.
Share a humorous experience, it'll give her an idea of who you are and what you find acceptable.
If you ARE chivalrous (as you say) then BE chivalrous, if you're looking for the kind of woman who likes that.
Pay attention to social cues whether you've been on many dates or not, you have been in existence for almost five decades, lived with women, you've been exposed to other people, TV, media, work, etc. Social cues. In other words, don't try kiss someone who's kept a 3 ft bubble all day. I know you get laid on the first try every time, but don't go there.
Thanks for the post. And thanks to everyone who has commented so far. Some very good tips given. The hiking was my idea. Pretty much everyone in my area is an avid hiker. Comes with living in the northern Rockies. And yeah, it has been ridiculously warm here. This hike is really just a stroll compared to what most people around here are used to. 2 hours tops, very moderate terrain and amazing views.
You said "Answer questions honestly and not vaguely in any way." That makes sense, but I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of my past relationships if at all possible. But I think I know what you mean. You don't have to worry about me going in for a kiss. I would never try for a kiss with someone on a first date. Seems way too fast.
I have an additional question: My house is somewhat near the trail where we're hiking. Would it be too forward to ask her if she wants to go there to relax a little bit after our hike or should I just walk her back to her car? My house has pretty nice views and a deck. So I was think it might be nice to hang out there and have a cool drink.
Do you mean it's best to just find particular areas of mutual interest and focus on those and just put all of the romantic potential aside? That actually sounds pretty good. Just treat the date as something platonic. I would actually be pretty good at that. I'm not sure she'd be into it though. I don't know. I don't want to come off as a cold fish.
Do you mean it's best to just find particular areas of mutual interest and focus on those and just put all of the romantic potential aside?
What does this mean, exactly? Are you thinking that dates are supposed to be a constant stream of sweet nothings from you? Why must it be one or the other?
You are trying to establish a baseline first, with get-to-know-you conversation, but that doesn't mean you can't mix it with flirting when appropriate.
You are trying to establish a baseline first, with get-to-know-you conversation, but that doesn't mean you can't mix it with flirting when appropriate.
Herein lies my primary issue. I'm not so good at the 'get to know you' conversations. With all of my ex's I was never in a situation where I had to make small talk or try to get to know them. We simply discussed things academically until we were comfortable enough with each other to start to talk about ourselves. A first date is a lot of pressure.
I have an additional question: My house is somewhat near the trail where we're hiking. Would it be too forward to ask her if she wants to go there to relax a little bit after our hike or should I just walk her back to her car? My house has pretty nice views and a deck. So I was think it might be nice to hang out there and have a cool drink.
You can ask but just ask and accept a No in whatever form without hesitation or , if you'd intended to stop somewhere after the hike, give her an 'either or' option
Thanks for the post. And thanks to everyone who has commented so far. Some very good tips given. The hiking was my idea. Pretty much everyone in my area is an avid hiker. Comes with living in the northern Rockies. And yeah, it has been ridiculously warm here. This hike is really just a stroll compared to what most people around here are used to. 2 hours tops, very moderate terrain and amazing views.
You said "Answer questions honestly and not vaguely in any way." That makes sense, but I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of my past relationships if at all possible. But I think I know what you mean. You don't have to worry about me going in for a kiss. I would never try for a kiss with someone on a first date. Seems way too fast.
I have an additional question: My house is somewhat near the trail where we're hiking. Would it be too forward to ask her if she wants to go there to relax a little bit after our hike or should I just walk her back to her car? My house has pretty nice views and a deck. So I was think it might be nice to hang out there and have a cool drink.
Oh I definitely wouldn't say you can't kiss someone on the first date, those are the best -as far as I'm concerned. I'm just saying make sure you are observant of her cues. Same with asking her if she wants to see your house. Describe why you think she might like to see it -the views etcetera. Even if it's not obvious, you could assure her you won't try anything funny.
Don't answer questions vaguely means: I was thinking of a conversation I had. I was talking about the different places I've lived, and the guy I was with said he'd moved around quite a bit. (Oh yeah? ...well? ...whatever.) Too vague, I took it as he wasn't interested in giving me details about his life. Just be real.
Do you mean it's best to just find particular areas of mutual interest and focus on those and just put all of the romantic potential aside? That actually sounds pretty good. Just treat the date as something platonic. I would actually be pretty good at that. I'm not sure she'd be into it though. I don't know. I don't want to come off as a cold fish.
The more you talk, the more I think you may need an aide to come along with you to provide support for the abilities where you are deficient. Like a dating IEP or something.
Herein lies my primary issue. I'm not so good at the 'get to know you' conversations. With all of my ex's I was never in a situation where I had to make small talk or try to get to know them. We simply discussed things academically until we were comfortable enough with each other to start to talk about ourselves. A first date is a lot of pressure.
Do you generally find it difficult to converse in an unstructured setting with no goal, no deadline and no tasks to accomplish?
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) then BE chivalrous, if you're looking for the kind of woman who likes that.
