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Gotcha. He claims it’s his way of dealing with the stress from work. So for a while, I would keep my mouth shut and let it slide. I wanted to be the girlfriend that understand the work stress and allowed him to deal with it how he wanted. But what’s the excuse for playing on the weekends, binging on the weekends until 2/3am?
And guess what? I have work stress too. But I still clean the house, do the laundry, vacuum, grocery shop, cook and take care of the dog. I don’t use my “stress” as reasons to ignore my adult responsibilities.
And if the crutch were threatened, he'd use his "stress" as an excuse to treat you badly, as he's already shown.
Oddly I keep flashing to one particular memory. One of the biggest crutches my ex had was pot. He believed that he HAD to have it every day, to cope and live. He didn't even act high, it was like a Prozac or something for him, not a recreational drug but a maintenance med. But in the early days, we were poor. Within 2 weeks after having my kid, I'd dropped to 98 pounds (healthy for me is 120, and I was breastfeeding, so...) because we just did not have food, and I was walking through bad neighborhoods in Cincinnati to find free food banks and such, pushing my baby in his stroller, pushing that back up the hill with bags of food tied all over it. Vine Street, if anyone knows that town. My ex was working, but the money he was earning, a lot of it HAD to go to scoring weed. The one time I suggested that even if we weren't going to pay rent, and we were going to get kicked out, could we please buy some food? And he said that he "couldn't guarantee how he would treat me if he did not have weed to smoke" and would not be held accountable.
This is the way, that people like this, who put their addictions over everyone, act. No threat to their escape is allowed. They believe that they "need" it, and that any challenge can reasonably be met with abuse.
I really expected you to write that you took the dog! But completely understand why you didn't/couldn't.
Good job getting out of that situation. Spend some time healing and grieving the loss of the relationship. Then open yourself up to finding a much healthier partnership.
yeah, ditto...he could have been working on cars and still smack the dog for chewin on his oil rag.
Eh, we can agree to disagree. I’m pretty confident it’s the video games. He tried to take up other hobbies but they are all deserted, taking up space in the garage as he resorts back to the video games.
Eh, we can agree to disagree. I’m pretty confident it’s the video games. He tried to take up other hobbies but they are all deserted, taking up space in the garage as he resorts back to the video games.
Darlin', the escape that he chooses doesn't matter. Blame it on the gaming if you want but that means you're ignoring the reason why he'd rather be 'there' than 'here'
Put the 'blame' where it belongs, on him ,not video games
For sure you can not blame the video games. People who are prone to this escapist/addict behavior, it's all the same if it's that or something else.
He will say, "well I could be working on a hot rod for a hobby, I could have a drinking problem or a gambling habit!" as though you're lucky and his hobby is benign. But regardless of what he was doing, he was taking it to an unhealthy place and dragging you along with.
For you to lay blame on the games, is feeding into the enabling end of a codependency. You are hating the thing he's addicted to, and not really making him responsible.
Remember my story a minute ago with my ex? Before me, he was drunk every night. I told him I hated alcohol and if he was with me he'd have to quit. No problem! He simply switched to daily pot smoking. When trying to reenlist in the military made it so he had to quit that, he was spending every moment either playing video games or running around the neighborhood trying to lose weight. It wasn't long before he decided that his need to be wasted was bigger than the amount he cared what I thought about it, so he took up drinking again.
IT WOULD ALWAYS BE SOMETHING. And it is HIM. Not the games.
I don't scowl at those who have a glass of wine with dinner, or an edible (here in CO where it's legal) now and again. But an addict is an addict. They need help and support groups and junk, whatever it takes, to really get over it without just substituting something else.
An addict, rather than someone with just a harmless hobby:
- Finds it difficult (seemingly impossible) to quit, if they are even willing to consider it.
- Has a frequent activity that interferes with normal functioning across multiple domains.
Yes, I believe there IS such a thing as an addictive personality.
Of course there is such a thing as an addictive personality. Some people are genetically more susceptible to addictions such as alcohol, tobacco, gambling, shopping, drugs, sex... I've always thought it has something to do with dopamine transmitters and receptors, the addictive susceptible people perhaps having too few dopamine receptors, requiring more stimulation. I have absolutely no proof.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetjess1951
He tried to take up other hobbies but they are all deserted, taking up space in the garage as he resorts back to the video games.
That Adderall and Vyvance and those energy drinks are a pretty serious drug cocktail, releasing dopamine and other neurotransmitters, and Adderall is a combination of methamphetamine and dextroamphetamine according to Google. ... In other words, pharmacy crack.
Is he going to take all those drugs and then take up watercolor painting? He's immersing himself into a non-reality experience and isolating himself from reality, like the noise cancelling headphones. He's stuck inside his head in some juvenile drug induced "masturbational" fantasy, and by your description he's doing it to the point that his real world life is being compromised, but he values his imaginary world more.
Psychology generally considers people as having problems if whatever condition they have seriously interferes with their everyday normal functioning. I think 12 hours/day gaming and ignoring your partner qualifies as serious interference with a normal life.
I wish I could think of a solution other than just starting over with another partner.
And would he even notice if the dog was gone? #freethedog
Trust me - I wish I could take the dog. First of all, I've been in that dog's life since he was 4 months old (now, almost 2). He's pretty much my child. We have probably spent more time together than the ex has, if you can imagine. I worry about the dog every day.
His mom has made comments about the fact that he has no business having a dog and leaving him at home all day from pretty much 7:30am until 5pm or 6pm. I'm sure he could run home during a break to let him out but does he? Nope.
Unfortunately, it wouldn't work for me to have him either I travel too much for work. I'm typing this from a hotel room as we speak.
Regardless, like some have said, its not my place to take the dog and he would NEVER admit that he needed to be taken or that he was neglected or in any type of danger.
Darlin', the escape that he chooses doesn't matter. Blame it on the gaming if you want but that means you're ignoring the reason why he'd rather be 'there' than 'here'
Put the 'blame' where it belongs, on him ,not video games
Sorry, I understand what you mean. I didn't mean to make it seem like I was blaming the video games. I guess I was just making a point that the addiction he was so fixated on at the moment was video games. But thinking back, there have been multiple "addiction" issue. For one, he's addicted to dipping tobacco. Even does it at work. And he incorporates it into his video games, playing for hours on end and while filling an empty water bottle with his nasty spit. We had issues last summer with his addiction to softball. He HAD to play in tournaments, weekend after weekend after weekend. And I would have to go along with him to sit all day long in the hot sun to watch. There was absolutely no reasoning with him. Softball game first. And if I didn't like it, "I could leave".
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I travel too much for work. I'm typing this from a hotel room as we speak.
