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There is very little the OP could do about her husband accepting an under the table job.
If he DOES get a job under the table, and she is aware of it, she could report him and the employer to potentially mitigate her alimony liability.
However reporting that arrangement would likely result in her spouse not having any income, resulting in no effect on her alimony payments. Then again, maybe the firm places him on the payroll so he has a reported income.
No, she can't control him. But she can take actions if it is unacceptable to her, like divorce.
Honestly, I feel she has put herself in financial jeopardy, and the longer she delays, the more potential trouble for her down the way.
I doubt paying alimony was in her retirement plan.
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"He paid cash when they worked overtime so they could exist."
Once they got on their feet, no cash.
Second month, no cash.
You hate that part because it means this church going man enabled another man to pay taxes and pay off his debts.
Get on his feet. Be a productive member of society.
Otherwise he couldn't afford to even get to work withouout the cash.
All newbies are offered some overtime to get them some gas $$ in order to get to work
Otherwise, there will be no working because pay is every 2 weeks
And they have no gas $$ to get to work
It is a good thing when men pay back debts and support their families just as the Ops husband should do.
If you are on welfare, and I know there are some here, then I can see how this might offend you.
I didn't mean to offend you but you too can get off welfare,
take ANY Job to get on your feet at first.
Don't start being self-righteous demanding your first paycheck be paying taxes.
Get on your feet so you can pay even more taxes, and re-pay your debts to your children's mother.
You need to be able to obtain the job in order to be a productive member of soceity
Working is biblical, sorry
Do you have trouble with reading comprehension?
Correct, there is nothing wrong with supporting one's family. There is, in fact, a lot right with it. I have certainly NOT suggested otherwise.
But there is no excuse for breaking the law. You can wiggle this way, and that, and every which way you please, but none of your wiggling changes any facts. Nor does the fact that the Bible, which you claim to believe, instructs you in many passages to obey the laws of the land. Proclaiming one thing while doing another is also known as "hypocrisy". The Bible says God hates hypocrites. Also, all liars.
My children's mother? That would be me. And no dear, I am entirely self-supporting, though I would not stoop to attempt to shame anyone for accepting public benefits if they needed them. After all, doing so is not illegal.
"He paid cash when they worked overtime so they could exist."
Once they got on their feet, no cash.
Second month, no cash.
You hate that part because it means this church going man enabled another man to pay taxes and pay off his debts.
Get on his feet. Be a productive member of society.
Otherwise he couldn't afford to even get to work withouout the cash.
All newbies are offered some overtime to get them some gas $$ in order to get to work
Otherwise, there will be no working because pay is every 2 weeks
And they have no gas $$ to get to work
It is a good thing when men pay back debts and support their families just as the Ops husband should do.
If you are on welfare, and I know there are some here, then I can see how this might offend you.
I didn't mean to offend you but you too can get off welfare,
take ANY Job to get on your feet at first.
Don't start being self-righteous demanding your first paycheck be paying taxes.
Get on your feet so you can pay even more taxes, and re-pay your debts to your children's mother.
You need to be able to obtain the job in order to be a productive member of soceity
Working is biblical, sorry
Do you have trouble with reading comprehension?
Correct, there is nothing wrong with supporting one's family. There is, in fact, a lot right with it. I have certainly NOT suggested otherwise.
But there is no excuse for breaking the law. You can wiggle this way, and that, and every which way you please, but none of your wiggling changes any facts. Nor does the fact that the Bible, which you claim to believe, instructs you in many passages to obey the laws of the land. Proclaiming one thing while doing another is also known as "hypocrisy". The Bible says God hates hypocrites. Also, all liars.
My children's mother? That would be me. And no dear, I am entirely self-supporting, though I would not stoop to attempt to shame anyone for accepting public benefits if they needed them. After all, doing so is not illegal.
So, I'm on my 2nd marriage to a "good guy". We've been married 5 years.
And he's been unemployed for 4.5 of those years?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
Today, he is God-fearing, (more religious than me)
There is no reasoning with a god-fearing mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
One of his relationships made him move overseas for several years.
No one can make you do any such thing. I would be willing to bet he planned it that way in order to bail out on his child support to those 4 children he abandoned in order to run off overseas.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
My problem is he is not employed and not looking.
Here's a guy who's become a god fearing person, ran off overseas abandoning his 4 children, ran off overseas in order to avoid paying child support. He's been married to you for 5 years and has not worked 4.5 of those years...what would be your conclusion?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
He believes that when the time is right "God will make a way" and we need to just keep the faith.
You can't reason with a god-fearing mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
He has big ideas, dreams and tastes but had no PLAN on how to obtain them, just hope and wishing.
He's living a lie and clinging to a delusional narrative.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
He always says if we have faith, it will happen.
You can't reason with a god-fearing mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
Meanwhile, I work long hours to cover all of our expenses.
This is why he's not looking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
But now, I dont want to have a kept husband....even if I can afford it.
It's not very sexy is it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
His past issues with child support still linger and has prohibited from getting licensed in his field, and he cannot even get a passport now.
It would seem these limitations would motivate him to get up and fix them. Right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
I have a high paying job so we're not hurting for money so he feels like I should just chill out.
Of course he feels that way. Look at his history of behavior!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
But I feel resentment towards him.
This is quite understandable. You should feel resentment towards a mooch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
I believe in being equal partners and I expect a husband to contribute, even if its less money than I contribute.
Does he feel the same way?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
We keep separate finances, taxes and bank accounts.
This sounds like the only sane part of your marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
We rent our home now cuz I'm afraid to buy one and have him on the deed (community property state) and then have a lien put on it from his back bills.
Smart move....don't ever buy a house and list him on the deed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
But who wants to go through life alone or worse start over a 3rd time.
Who says if you leave him you will go through life alone? There's nothing wrong with starting over as many times as you need until you get it right. This guy is not someone most people would want as a life partner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
Im too embarrassed and upset to talk about this with anyone we know personally. Because from the outside looking in, he looks like a loving husband and no one knows about his past but me.
This is not about what anyone else thinks. It's about what you think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
So.....what would you do?
I would keep in the fore front of my mind his past behaviors of abandoning his kids, skipping out on child support, becoming a god-fearing human and the fact that he is not even trying to get a job or attempting to clean up his mess. Why? Because he wishfully thinks his god is going to magically whisk him into a great job opportunity!?!?!?
After absorbing all of this I would be planning my escape.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
p.s. He's reluctant to marriage counseling because his field is actually counseling and he thinks he already knows what they're gonna say.
Or it's because he's been down that road before and has been called out for his mooching, lack of responsibility behaviors?
I wish you good luck OP. I read thru most of the pages. Similar story of a friend I have. Although she only let it go less than a year--unemployed husband, kind, loving--no urgency to get a job. She did end up having to pay alimony for a year (he had a good lawyer, his mother!). She has gone on to be happy and actually found the real love of her life. Although--she would have been happy on her own.
Your husband sounds like a real Manipulator. Sorry that happened to you. Keep strong and get back your life.
I wish you good luck OP. I read thru most of the pages. Similar story of a friend I have. Although she only let it go less than a year--unemployed husband, kind, loving--no urgency to get a job. She did end up having to pay alimony for a year (he had a good lawyer, his mother!). She has gone on to be happy and actually found the real love of her life. Although--she would have been happy on her own.
Your husband sounds like a real Manipulator. Sorry that happened to you. Keep strong and get back your life.
Every state is different and every situation is different.
When my female acquaintance/friend checked on a divorce (married for 15 years, two children) her husband had been unemployed/underemployed for five years. She was told that she would have to pay alimony to him for five years, plus he would not be responsible for any child support during that time, plus he would get a substantial amount of her pension/retirement savings. Plus she would be legally responsible for half of the joint credit bills (which he run up to many thousands of dollars) and in all likelihood would actually be forced by the credit card companies to pay the entire bill (which happened). And, the really sad thing was that she really was not making that much money at her job. It took well over ten years after her divorce to finally get back to her standard of living that she had 15 years earlier (when her then husband became unemployed). It was quite a nightmare.
Nkot, I hope you are still reading this, especially the above post.
I also hope you come back and let us know what's happening.
Me too!
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