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I don't understand why how he is behaving right now matters at all. It doesn't change anything in your first post...
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So.....what would you do?
I've been there....and I divorced him before he dragged me down because it was heading that way.You need to divorce him.It sounds to me that you care more about being alone and being embarrassed then you do about doing what is the BEST thing for you to do..and that is to get out of this marriage.Resentment that you feel towards him...yeah..it's time to go.The fact that you didn't mind pulling the financial weight of the relationship at the beginning tells me once again..you care more about NOT being alone in a relationship even one as toxic as this one.He's NOT a good guy.A good guy would act like a real man and be out there working.A good guy would have been one who would have paid their child support instead of following one of his relationships out of the country for years.A good guy would have at least married one of his baby mamma's but he choose to have 4 kids by all of these different women and NEVER considered at least 1 of them wife material??!!
p.s. He's reluctant to marriage counseling because his field is actually counseling and he thinks he already knows what they're gonna say.[/B] THIS right there is another reason you should leave this marriage.He thinks he knows everything yet not willing to do what he should do to fix the problem.You need to have more respect for yourself as a woman and leave.He will be fine.He can go live with one of his 4 kids by different women.What a mess.Stop forcing this marriage to continue.Once you have resentment towards your man...it's because you don't see him as a real man any longer and you can't fix that.The fact that you have dragged this out 5 yrs...no children between the 2 of you... I know it's hard because you love him but you need to love yourself more in order to break away from this marriage.There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.A lot of women and men are going through what you're going through right now.Also regarding counseling...you should do that on your own to help you heal from all of this.
You really need to look hard within yourself to find out WHY you've put up with this.
Last edited by codergirl; 09-29-2018 at 08:16 PM..
I am so over how stupid this OP is. I am beginning to think it is a made up story. I advise everyone else to stop feeding into this stupidity of this so called person. End of this thread for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't change the situation, but you know, soft hearts and all....
Yeah, but then you combine a soft heart AND a soft head.
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Honestly, I don't even know what to think right now. Is he being evasive on purpose? Too afraid to deal with all of this. Is he just hoping for the best or is he being manipulative, thinking if he's nice enough I'll forget about everything?
Either way, we'll definitely have the talk this week, before I go back to work next week.
He is schmoozing you. Is that really so hard to see?
I think you should just enjoy your weekend, see your attorney, think, and then talk.
God told me to find a new husband. One who is willing to work for a living and does not expect his wife to support him. Adios, you lazy, selfish man-child.
Below is the text my husband sent me today. Given everything Ive mentioned previously, how would you respond? (I havent responded yet......I havent even broached the "D" word yet.)
Text:
I feel i should say sonething about the way things are changing but to be honest, i don't know what to say. I love you a d dont want our relatio ship to end but its not just up to me. No relatio ship is perfect qnd there will definitely be ups and downs, the one thi g that never changes is love. When i really undsrstood what love is i realized its untouchable, unflappable and most important, does not have a price on it. I could say alot of things but i won't, what i will say is i didn't marry you and choose you on anythi g frivolous. I know your points for me to work and that hasn't happened consistently but that is not a perso s worth or enough to stop loving someone my estimation. So whatever happens please be honest give me a heads up to give myself time if we are breaking up. I do t want anything from you, just your love. That has to be given freely without cost. I can't be you and understand your rationale when you are not lacking anything while my world comes together but because I truely love you and want you to be happy, whatever you decide i will agree to. Your happiness is most important to me. What i do t want to do is be half way anything, either we are together or not. If there is something else please tell me. My job in life is to make you happy and leave you better 9ff than when i found you. I thought i was on the right track, but im only human.
Love you,
Your humble husband
He senses that something isn't right.He's trying to sweet talk you and keep you close.I take it that if you do start the divorce proceedings...you BOTH will be still living in the home?That is not safe!Does he have any friends or family members that he would be able to stay with during the divorce proceedings because it's NEVER a good idea for spouses who are going through a divorce to be living in the same home.Nothing good comes of it.
Married 5 years and his employment for 4.5 was suspicious. The question that comes to mind is how long did they know each other before tying the knot?
I REALLY did not like this part:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkotb2013
He believes that when the time is right "God will make a way" and we need to just keep the faith. He has big ideas, dreams and tastes but had no PLAN on how to obtain them, just hope and wishing. He always says if we have faith, it will happen.
The sentiment of a lot of the posts come down to having a spouse for one half the expenses and nothing else. Many factors go into marriage and the OP has addressed some of them. I really can’t find any reason that the bashing of your husband (first couple of pages of thread) for not contributing financially comes down to the reversal of traditional gender roles.
What if it was the female who stayed at home, took care of things, was faithful, and presumably just spent money on what was necessary with a couple of little extras, BUT had a history of irresponsibility? Would people be so hard on the unemployed wife?
It is what it is and the reality is that if he were to obtain full-time employment, could he realistically double the household income? It doesn’t sound like it, especially with the garnishments going towards his child support. What about doing some things that would garner him a little extra cash that would only encompass a portion of the day?
If the husband were to rack up huge expenses for lavish spending on himself, create an obstacle in the relationship between the OP and her children, indulge in substance abuse, and of course was unfaithful, then it would be time say buh bye. The issue of alimony and community property being very real in that case. Don’t forget though, an employed husband could just as easily do the amount of above damage, lose his job because of it, and then of course there would be a devastated wife with a mountain of problems to solve, mostly financial.
Use your gut and practical circumstances to gauge your relationship, if you’re happy, that’s wonderful. No arrangement is going to be perfect, every marriage is concealing some sort of aspect they would prefer to keep hidden.
You really should read the entire thread rather than just commenting on the OP.
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