Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I never have any sympathy with people who complain about their crazy ex. They fell for them because they were crazy, they enjoyed the crazy sex so they shouldn't be suprised that they turn even more crazy after breaking up.
So if you find out something after your crazy partner behaves even more crazy as usual, you shouldn't complain. Only very few well balanced people have crazy pasts.
I never found out anything very crazy because I chose not to get involved with crazy in the first place.
|
Either that, or else they were in a vulnerable way for some reason, not strong enough or smart enough to be seeking partners on a better level. If you're in a low point in life's ups and downs, sometimes you undervalue yourself, if that makes any sense?
I mean, I chalk my crazy ex...perience up to the fact that at 18, not only was I not wise enough to see what was happening or heed red flags, but I was vulnerable due to lack of guidance and support from family. I was not taught things I needed to learn in order to be a really functional adult on my own, and just kinda tossed out of the nest, so I was not really doing so well with the whole adulting and providing for myself thing. Vulnerable.
My crazy ex still targets vulnerable women, but since he cannot get 18 year olds anymore, he looks for older women with problems. Crazier sometimes than him, or with really troubled lives. Like the heroin addicted prostitute he repeatedly offered to take in and reform...but who has repeatedly chosen her life of crime (and periodically being in jail) over being involved with him. Victims of abuse in the present or the recent past, desperate single mothers, basically rescue cases. He sometimes says, like it's a good thing, "she's as broken as I am" about women he is trying to date. I try really hard not to be in conversations with him about love, sex, or dating. I try to ONLY talk to him about our sons, nothing else.
Craziest thing I found out about him? Hm... Well, he was adopted, and from childhood he made up a story that he was half Scottish and half Apache, and obsessively acted like he was Native American and claimed it. I later found a copy of his original birth certificate in some docs his mother had given us, and looked for and found his birth parents. He got the Scottish part right, but not the other. The other half is Belgian. Only 2nd gen from immigrants, even. The last names and location were very distinctive; there is no mistake. His adoptive mother swears that she never told him he was half Apache and she has no idea where he got that notion but he's been repeating it since he was a teenager. He seems to have fabricated an identity for himself. I informed him of the truth, and he now insists that he must have been a child of rape and is still half Apache. This makes no sense, since it's the Mom who is Belgian. I gave up.
Oh, and he would tell a story that when wife #2 was at a party and he was "sure" she was cheating on him because he called the house and she didn't come to the phone, he went to buy beer and some guy said "nice jacket" and started a fight with him, and he got stabbed in the back of his thigh, but he took out the attacker with a piece of firewood or something. He then went home and rang the house and demanded that wife2 come home to stitch up his leg, which she did. He told me decades later, that in fact he'd stabbed himself in order to force her to come tend to him.
Now he tells people stories about his deployment that I'm pretty sure are not true. He's adding to his own legend all the time.
Craziest thing that happened when I broke up with him, was probably the night I sat while he pointed a loaded gun at me (when he wasn't waving it around) and ranted and raved for some 8-10 solid hours in the garage. I think I disassociated that night. I was sitting there...but kind of not there. The only thing I really remember feeling was a headache. No tears, anger, or fear. Just empty, other than a headache from not eating and chain smoking.