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I mostly leave him alone to play on his computer or phone and drink his beer I rarely ask him to do anything for me and try not to nag him and he never expects or asks me to do anything for him but I do. I offer to make him something to eat, get him a drink, give him a massage. He always says no thanks. Only time he lets me is when he is sick....but whenever I ask him for something he seems annoyed. For example last night I asked him if he would rub my head and my back because I had a stomach ache and wasn’t feeling good and he got annoyed and said it was late and he is going to bed and the he didn’t feel well either (which he says a lot). I was hurt. He didn’t even seem to care at all. If I tell him how I feel he just gets more defensive.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-04-2018 at 01:24 PM..
Reason: Merged two threads on same topic.
Sounds like a selfish person. Get out now. I've lasted 40 years because we cherish one another. Find someone who really cares, he does not. You are essentially being used.
Right but I’m 44. The pickings are slim as you get older.
I don't like the advice to leave someone when all we hear is a short post on a public forum. On the other hand, staying with someone just because you're afraid you can't find someone else is a horrible reason to stay with someone.
With that said, how you talked to him about tis? Have you considered marriage counselor? What good qualities does he have?
He won’t do marriage counseling and he says we can’t afford it either (insurance doesn’t cover much) even though we can.
I don’t want to leave him only because I couldn’t find someone else. It’s because we sometimes have a good friendship as in we have the same sense of humor and sometimes can laugh together but when he is in one of those moods and really distant it’s hurtful and it’s happening more and more. I think after years the acoholol is affecting him mentally. I’ve tried talking to him in all sorts of ways but nothing works. He might change for a day or be nice and apologize if I ignore him but it doesn’t last.
At work it’s because of the new management. We all have issues now. I was a top employee for 4 years when I was having issues at home.
I am nothing but good to my husband.
I notice he doesn’t listen to me as much either. Like last night when I asked him to help me because I really wasn’t feeling well he said ok but was busy on one of his many games, so about a half hour later I asked him again and that is when he got mad and acted like I never asked him before.
Right but I’m 44. The pickings are slim as you get older.
44 year old women usually don't have problems finding someone else. If you went on Tinder or Bumble, you would have 100-200 matches. I've seen women in their late 40s having multiple, simultaneous sexual relationships from use of dating sites/apps over the years.
You need to decide if you want to address your marital problems or move on to other, unknown options.
Armchair secondhand diagnoses are almost always worthless, so the following will be no exception, but since you asked --
I am thinking he is depressed in general and possibly addicted to his games. However, I also think there is a big element of selfishness/self-centeredness involved, also. I went through something similar with my husband (minus the beer/alcohol factor) after he quit his job at age 60 after about 18 months at a terribly stressful and almost intolerable situation at his job, but when I put my foot down about him being on a computer game for eight hours a day and sometimes becoming very angry over a game, he immediately cut it down to 2-3 hours a day. However, I am very fortunate in that my husband is a VERY giving and loving person. Btw, he was out of work for less than three months, thank goodness!
However, if he has always been rather indifferent to your needs and wants, then I agree with others who have said that you need to ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life, possibly.
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