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Old 10-17-2018, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Central Florida
3,658 posts, read 2,564,022 times
Reputation: 12289

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
There's nothing wrong with a married couple having separate bank accounts.
Did you bother to read the OP. She basically pays for everything. Did you read my response and think about it.
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Old 10-17-2018, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,955,675 times
Reputation: 98359
OP, this is as good as it gets with him. Either you can live with things as they are, or you can't.

It sucks that you have to make a decision like this, but I think you know what the answer is.
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Old 10-17-2018, 11:58 AM
 
8,779 posts, read 9,452,560 times
Reputation: 9548
Sounds like a general lack of happiness issue, not so much a “job” issue, but obviously it’s impossible to disgnoise someone from hearsay, so...it’s up to you if you want to get involved in why he may be the way he is.

You both keep your finances separated as well which is not helping the both of out with understanding what is coming and going from your household. It’s just a running tab that only gets checked when something happens that requires immediate attention. Not good.

It didn’t get this way overnight. You need to stop enabling his bad choices and decide if you want to pursue anything further as far as “understanding” his mindset. It’s your marriage, it’s up to you to address things how you feel best.
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Old 10-17-2018, 11:59 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,211 posts, read 107,904,670 times
Reputation: 116159
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berk1020 View Post
We’ve been married a little over two years. We actually met in nursing school, he eventually dropped out because he said nursing wasn’t for him and I eventually graduated. During that time he was working as a waiter/bartender and making decent money. He quit that job because he said he was doing more work that his coworkers and it wasn’t fair. Then he started this constant job switching and the process of going back to school and dropping out again..
Thank you, OP. So, you married someone, who you thought was a bartender/waiter, making decent money? You thought you were marrying a stable guy, then suddenly, the picture changed radically? During the dating phase, he didn't show any signs of flakiness, fussiness, blaming others for his problems, or anything like that?

In any case, even if he did start earning a steady paycheck now, it seems that he can't be trusted to be responsible with the money. It sounds like you married an irresponsible teenager, not an adult. IMO you have no choice but to divorce. He's not going to change. See a divorce lawyer, to scope out what your obligations would be toward him, if any, and to educate yourself about where you stand, and how a divorce case would likely play out. Consider it a fact-finding mission, if you're not ready yet, to face the inevitable. You can take your time making a decision, but at least you'll have information to work from, that way.

P.S. Find someone local. Avoid those big firms, that do tons of divorce cases (or personal injury, etc.), where it's all just a business to them, and you don't get to talk to a lawyer until just before the court date.
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Old 10-17-2018, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Florida
23,173 posts, read 26,202,662 times
Reputation: 27914
I can't see any hope for this one and I'm not ordinarily one that jumps on the 'dump his ass' bandwagon
. Be grateful it hasn't been many,many years and most of all that there are no kids.
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Old 10-17-2018, 12:38 PM
 
2,483 posts, read 2,475,752 times
Reputation: 3353
Hopefully alimony will be short. Even if he's awarded some, you're still cutting losses.
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Old 10-17-2018, 12:52 PM
 
4,242 posts, read 947,586 times
Reputation: 6189
I would be so resentful and stressed that I don't know how I would maintain my sanity!

OP, you deserve a partner who is truly a partner, who respects you and wants to pull their own weight.

Don't settle for this kind of treatment.

PS Nurses are awesome - thank you for doing what you do!
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Old 10-17-2018, 01:47 PM
 
Location: California side of the Sierras
11,162 posts, read 7,637,791 times
Reputation: 12523
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berk1020 View Post
How do I fix this? I don’t know what else to do? I’m really considering divorce because more often than not I feel like I’m living with a child rather than a husband.
You are living with a child; your husband is immature and selfish.

How can you fix this? You cannot force him to grow up or stop being selfish. Instead, you must decide if you will tolerate this or not. If you decide that you will, then stop complaining and enjoy what you have chosen.
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Old 10-17-2018, 02:02 PM
 
Location: California
78 posts, read 38,164 times
Reputation: 249
Here in California it takes 6 months to get a divorce (not sure where you reside). I would file for divorce and let him know that if he can't hold a job for six months - you'll finalize the divorce. You working 6 days a week and he just fks off and spends money? That's selfish and disgraceful!

Dump his ass!

Steve Tamale
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Old 10-17-2018, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Eureka CA
9,519 posts, read 14,748,538 times
Reputation: 15068
Dump him!
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