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I probably already know the answer to this, I just need to hear it from other people who are not friends/family.
I am guilty of jumping from relationship to relationship, i have never really spent time alone. I recently got out of a mentally abusive 3 year relationship because (of course) another person started talking to me (like i usually do when i start the jump) Only i was OBSESSED with this guy.
My dream guy started talking to me, talking to him gave me the courage to leave that awful relationship I was in.
At first this dream guy who I started talking with was very affectionate and texted me every day from morning to night.
We only met up once for drinks, every other time I would always go to his place.
We had sex very early on, but i thought it was okay that i was not just a booty call since he'd have me over while his friends were there and he'd be affectionate with me around his friends.
After a month of him only hitting me up at night or me always going to him I asked what he wanted or if he was trying to take this any further, along those lines, I basically asked what was up. He gave me the whole "I'm really busy with my career/life- but you're the only girl I'm talking to"
(i do also know that a few years back he was engaged and she broke the engagement off and she was the "only girl he's ever loved" so i don't think he's fully over that seeing he brings her up still randomly from time to time)
So after I brought that up to him he stopped texting me every day....
I eventually drove myself crazy then forced myself to get over it.
3 weeks later he asked me out to dinner. We spoke, he was sarcastic about ghosting me randomly.
Ever since then, he will text me at least once a week for me to go over his place, either go out to dinner or sleep over or hang out with him and his friends (obviously we always have sex every time too)
Hell tag me in things on social media here and there.
But its still just a text message a few times a week *not every day morning to night like it used to be before I asked what was up* we grab food, we have sex, I sleep there.
Hell trust me with just leaving me in his apartment to lock up if he has work in the morning.
But its so.... casual, I'm not used to this casual dating, if we are dating, or, talking? I don't know.
Deep down i really really like this guy he's my DREAM guy. I know he eventually wants to get married and have kids, he's very family oriented, but I don't know if I'm just the time waster until he meets someone he's willing to actually have a relationship with or will something come out of this?
Im so confused, Ive never done this before. Deep down I want this to turn into something, but wouldn't it have turned into something already?
Opinions?
Why hasn't he been to your place? You're bat**** over him, but is he really into you? I can't say that there's red flags here...but rather, yellow flags. His randomly texting/contacting you once a week, asking you to go to his house. You sleep together and leave in the morning.
I think it should cut both ways. Let him come to your house a few times when he wants to see you.
Sounds like he’s basically just keeping you around for sex. He probably finds you physically appealing and would keep you around as long as you’re willing to go along.
No one can know how he defines your relationship, but the fact he’s distancing himself from you after your voiced your thoughts speaks volumes. I would prepare to withdraw from this relationship.
Despite what you thought, you are a booty call. Some people can enjoy spending time with a person, hanging out, texting, etc. They can say all the right things, but in the end it's all about the sex. I think he sees you as a FWB.
Why is someone like this your "dream guy?'
If all one wants is what you have with this guy, that's fine. It doesn't sound like that is what you want though. To be brutally honest, this probably isn't going to turn into the long term relationship you seem to want.
I think he likes you, but you like him more. And he knows it. He's definitely not looking for a relationship now, maybe not ever. He may or may not come around, but I recommend you pull back until he expresses an interest in you that matches the interest you have in him. Good luck.
This DREAM guy has been treating you like crap.You don't want casual dating..you know this yet you still are keeping up dealing with him.You need to stop all communications with this person and start going to counseling to find out WHY you have always gone from one relationship into another one...meaning find out WHY you are afraid to be along which forces you into horrible relationships.Your dream guy is a jerk.He is stringing you along.Just because you have been around him when he's with his friends...doesn't mean anything.Listen to how you're feeling inside..that should tell you enough that you're not getting what you deserve or want really.Him talking off and on about an ex...red flags.
Start looking out for you and you only.Talk to a counselor about you so you can eventually find a healthy relationship later on in life.
And what does he do if you text him good night - no answer? Do you always wait for him to initiate? It seems to me you always wait for him to ask you to come over. WHy don't you ask him and don't just wait?
This DREAM guy has been treating you like crap.You don't want casual dating..you know this yet you still are keeping up dealing with him.You need to stop all communications with this person and start going to counseling to find out WHY you have always gone from one relationship into another one...meaning find out WHY you are afraid to be along which forces you into horrible relationships.Your dream guy is a jerk.He is stringing you along.Just because you have been around him when he's with his friends...doesn't mean anything.Listen to how you're feeling inside..that should tell you enough that you're not getting what you deserve or want really.Him talking off and on about an ex...red flags.
Start looking out for you and you only.Talk to a counselor about you so you can eventually find a healthy relationship later on in life.
A guy occasionally mentioning a woman he was engaged to is not a red flag. I try not to talk about exes with girls I'm dating and I'm generally successful in that, but I've also never been engaged before. If I had a relationship that serious in my past, I would hope the woman I'm dating could tolerate the ex's name coming up every once in a blue moon. We're human beings and we all have pasts; we can't be expected to erase everything from memory. If the new woman were to give me the controlling "that part of your life is OVER, you're with ME now" full-court press, then I'd probably retreat and contact her less.
Which brings me to a question I have for the OP about her story: did you verbalize to this man that stuff in parentheses about his prior engagement, or were you just thinking it? Big difference. Having "the talk" is not problematic at all (one month is a bit early so if it were me I might have teased you about it a bit, but I still would have listened carefully to you and adjusted my behavior accordingly). Bringing this man's history with his ex into the discussion, that's a different animal.
If he retreated solely because you had "the talk" and asked what the deal was, then that's a bit weak on his part, but it's far from being a jerk. I would just drop hints about how good the more frequent messages and other signs of affection made you feel. Honestly, there's a good chance he'll just go, crap, I like this girl and I enjoy making her feel good, maybe I've been playing it too cool, why don't I get back to what I was doing before? As for others' responses about him never coming to your place, well, that matters as much as it matters to you personally. If you're not big on hosting, or if you haven't made it a point to invite him over, then I don't see where there's a problem there.
I've been in a lot of situations similar to the man in this story. These responses that say "he doesn't give a crap about you" or "he's just using you for sex," I get it, that does happen, but much more often than not, I've cared deeply for and felt a strong connection with women I've dated "casually." You have to find out for yourself what the nature of the connection you currently have with this man is. And that's not accomplished by talking about his ex or making demands or anything like that. You enjoy hanging out with this guy, right? And you each provide something the other wants, right? So if there's something you want more of (in this case, contact in between face-to-face meetings), then tactfully ask for it, and see how it goes. Then you can re-assess.
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