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I am a 27 year old female. My boyfriend is 22 years old. Before we even made it official, he talked all the time about committment and marriage and how he was ready. He then tried to "sell" himself since I was unsure of the age difference. I did like him so I gave it a shot. In the beginning it was wonderful. We talked on the phone for hours throughout the work week. And by the weekends came we couldn't keep our hands off each other. He knew what to say to get me going and keep me happy. He brought me little surprised and would constantly tell me cheesey jokes to make me smile. We told each other such personal things that we claimed we had never told anyone before.
It was then a few months into our relationship I had noticed things changing. He had told me after a month of dating he was taking an axiety medication. He only took if for three months. But by the time he was done with it, he had no sex drive whatsoever. I thought, maybe it's was he medication having side effects.
We then decided to move in together at the last minute because his lease was up. And I thought for sure by us living together he would have more freedom and feel more at ease with us being together and having the chance to talk more.
But it continued. We still tried to make it work but I noticed his communication was closing off as well. He continually says he doesn't know or hasn't thought about it before. No matter the topic. Finally I would give up and accept his I don't knows out of frustration of not getting anywhere.
I also thought that maybe he was stressed with moving into a new place, and also changing jobs to be closer to the house. He also hates his job which could be another stress factor. But he has already been living here for three months and I can't keep using this excuse as to why he doesn't want to have sex with me.
The lack of intimacy has dwindled down to almost nothing and I have to always initiate. If I don't, he can go weeks without anything. Anything we me at least.
I then discovered that he was masturbating before I came home from work. I asked him why he didn't want to do anything with me since I was practically begging him. He always claims that he is tired and doesn't have the energy. I also asked what he thinks about or fantasizes about while he is masturbating and he claims he thinks of me.
But I have to be realistic. For one, he is five years younger than me. He is at the peak of his sexual drive and yet no desire to be intimate with me. He also has enough energy and drive to masturabte on his own. And second, if he truly thinks of me while masturbating, then why is not just having sex with me? So I have to come to ugly conclusion that he's getting off on someone or something else.
Not mention he no longer talks about marriage either. He says he wants to be with me and sees a future with me, but I'm not seeing it at all in his actions and suddenly he forgets what to say to turn me on. He never surprises me with anything. It takes everything in him just to give me a massage or something. He has gotten me so trained to not ask him for any intimacy during the week because he's too tired, and yet half the time, he still won't initiate on the weekends either.
Please help me. I don't know what to do. What have I done wrong?
If a 22 year old, straight male isn't taking full advantage of a horny, willing, live-in girlfriend without her having to do all the work all the time, something is wrong!
Even if he's somewhat shy about initiating sex, he should show SOME interest.
I think they can. I was taking depression meds years ago, and stopped a few years ago. But a side effect I noticed has stuck with me, despite discontinuing the meds.
Unfortunately, some medications do nothing but add new problems to the issues you already had. I start to think they're a scam. lol
Having also used them in the past the answer for most people is no....they take a while to create an effect but they don't have indefinite long term effects after you stop them. Now if his anxiety was never dealt with and no longer being suppressed, that's another story....maybe part of the real one.
I've been on a few antidepressants over the years. The first one took my sex drive and overall energy level way down. I felt like I had quickly aged. The second one did quite the opposite.
Hard to know exactly what's going on here. A few thoughts come to mind:
* As much as he whined on social media about wanting a commitment, it rings sort of hollow. I think he wants the stability of the long-term partner, but would like the freedom to explore. He's definitely bored with you. Even in much stronger relationships, the novelty wears off after a while.
* Staying in this relationship would be like giving up in life. You're too young to give up. You haven't expressed anything that would lead anyone to think this partner has any upside at all. If this was a marriage, I'd understand it being tough to get out. You don't have any entanglements other than an apartment lease that will be up within a year.
Is it possible he's into something kinky he's afraid to tell you about? It can be really hard to talk about if your kinks involve anything the average person might find weird, creepy, uncomfortable, etc. It's easy to fall into the trap of faking an interest in vanilla sex so you can maintain a romantic relationship and then secretly using fetish porn to satisfy your physical side.
This probably isn't the case, but it's a remote possibility. Either way, if he won't tell you, there's not much you can do. Considering how young you both are, I'd probably just cut my losses and go find someone more fun.
Lots of good advice here... but will you take it, learn from it and move on?
Life is full of lessons and we either choose to learn from them or wait until the next time they appear in a different way. Still the same lesson of course, but presented differently by a different 'teacher'. Save yourself the time and grab this opportunity to grow.
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