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I agree. Even gay men in committed relationships a good chunk of them are in open relationships so even those will pursue. For a while I was trying to befriend gay guys that were in relationships, thinking that could solve the issue. But even those would soon go after me too.
At the end of the day I'd like to be in a committed monogamous relationship and have gay friends that respect that. Both at the moment are a struggle on that front.
Case in point this Friday, I met this guy at a friends party last week. He seemed cool, and I told him I am looking to make more friends in the community. He told me we should set something up. I told him that would be cool, but that I am looking strictly for platonic friends. He said it was fine. I was texting him today to confirm and put it in my calendar, and he wants to meet up at 9PM Friday close to his place and is getting flirty. I told him I rather meet somewhere halfway in between us and told him ahead of time that I can't stay out very late so an earlier time would be better.
It just gets frustrating to always have to dance around and put my guard up. He brought up a joke about blowjobs which I just ignored. If he continues on this trajectory I am just going to cancel the outing.
What you are describing is the experience a lot of girls go through. They like being around guys and think as long as they don’t send the wrong signals they will be ok to keep as friends. After this repeatedly fails, they except men to try to hit on them if they start hanging out together.
Either accept this as the new normal or stop hanging out with gay men. I edited my post to say I don’t hang out men (before it said single men) because really this sort of situation can happen with committed men too.
I have. But those are always so limited. I am in my early 30s and right now all my straight friends are in committed relationships, getting married or having kids. But I am trying on that end too.
I did make a new friend at my pool, he just moved from Israel and is looking to meet new people. His girlfriend is a bit of a beast though, but he's cool and we've become swim buddies. At work I am starting to make new friends too.
But at the end of the day it would be nice just to have a good group gay friends that I can relate to on different things. For example one of my straight buddies goes, "Why would gay guys use dating apps where they are traveling?"
My other straight friend goes, on average how many guys do most gay guys sleep with, like 12 in their lifetime? I was like "Try 12 in four months". My straight friends have been great but at the same time there is a disconnect I would like fulfilled. It's kid of like a female on making male friends. They can be great friends, but she would definitely yearn to have some female friends she can relate to.
I have. But those are always so limited. I am in my early 30s and right now all my straight friends are in committed relationships, getting married or having kids. But I am trying on that end too.
I did make a new friend at my pool, he just moved from Israel and is looking to meet new people. His girlfriend is a bit of a beast though, but he's cool and we've become swim buddies. At work I am starting to make new friends too.
But at the end of the day it would be nice just to have a good group gay friends that I can relate to on different things. For example one of my straight buddies goes, "Why would gay guys use dating apps where they are traveling?"
My other straight friend goes, on average how many guys do most gay guys sleep with, like 12 in their lifetime? I was like "Try 12 in four months". My straight friends have been great but at the same time there is a disconnect I would like fulfilled. It's kid of like a female on making male friends. They can be great friends, but she would definitely yearn to have some female friends she can relate to.
What you are going through are common adult problems. It feels worse now because you are single and want companionship but again there are several young adults in that same boat.
I’m a late 30s female and I don’t have many friends nearby.
People are having babies, friends are moving, and I feel more domesticated with my partner so I go out less and meet fewer people then when single.
Be happy with the 2 friends you have. It’s hard to make new friends after college.
I’m a late 30s female and I wish I had a good group of friends nearby.
People are having babies, friends are moving, and I feel more domesticated with my domestic partner.
What you are going through are common adult problems. It feels worse now because you are single and want companionship but again there are several young adults in that same boat.
Be happy with the 2 friends you have. It’s hard to make new friends after college.
So the good things is I actually have A LOT of friends. I am very fortunate for that. I think it's more I would like a couple of gay friends that I can relate to on a platonic level and my guard doesn't have to always be up with them. But perhaps there is nothing I can do about that.
The one gay friend I feel comfortable around, he's never around, travels every week for work, so I only see him once every couple of months, but we text about once a week on average.
Obviously at the end of the day I would like a SO, but that is a whole other process.
So the good things is I actually have A LOT of friends. I am very fortunate for that. I think it's more I would like a couple of gay friends that I can relate to on a platonic level and my guard doesn't have to always be up with them. But perhaps there is nothing I can do about that.
The one gay friend I feel comfortable around, he's never around, travels every week for work, so I only see him once every couple of months, but we text about once a week on average.
Obviously at the end of the day I would like a SO, but that is a whole other process.
maybe you can start a meet up for strictly platonic gay men. I’m sure there are men like you out there
Considering that many straight men consider it impossible to have platonic relationships with women I'm not surprised that men (stereotypically much higher sexed than women [biologically or socially, who knows]) who are gay think the same way if not more so. You may have to settle for straight male friends, and women.
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