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I'm sorry but I don't buy into this. I work in animal rescue, do you have any idea how many pets are given up for a new partner? Then the partner doesn't last, and the person get a new kitten or puppy, and so on and so forth. When you give up a pet to many shelters in the USA, you are pretty much guaranteeing that dog or cat won't make it out alive.
And again, giving up the son's cat for a new person in the house, is this really going to create a great a nice environment for a blended family. They are difficult enough.
When I said "happens to families all the time" I specifically meant the biologic family, not new partners.
So unless there are divorces happening because of the new pet, you are talking about something different.
[quote=Levels77;53693597]Ok well I think you got very lucky this happened before you sold your house.
Did your allergiest tell you how hard it is to get rid of pet dander? That even if you were to get rid of the cat the dander sticks around for a very long time?
If you get married, you two will be partners. You need to be able to agree on things that are as important as this situation. Have you two had discussions already on how involved you will be in his child's life?
If he tells you something to the effect of "I'm his dad. I get to decide", then OP you will get into this same situation again. Is it worth it for you?
quote]
Ok, I have to say again, he is the dad, and for decisions, he does get to decide things. I was in a blended family, two actually, both my mom and dad remarried other people. My life would have been a lot nice if my step parents hadn't tried to act like my parents. They aren't my parents. They are just people who happened to be with my mom or dad.
Much as I am sure she is fond of this child, she isn't his mom. He has a mom. We always hear on this board about how parents should put kids first, well this guy is trying to put his kid first. Unfortunately, that means this may not be a viable relationship.
And you can't just drop an animal at a shelter like it's no big deal. Most of the animals don't make it out alive.
And again, giving up the son's cat for a new person in the house, is this really going to create a great a nice environment for a blended family. They are difficult enough.
Of course its hard but fiance is not trying. He has to tell the son that the OP is going to be his wife in 1 month, and that means she will be part of the family. And when one person in the family is sick, all people in the family have to do what they can to make the person better.
Putting the cat in the basement is not a good idea if they care about the cat's happiness.
It's not as if they're banishing him to a dungeon. The OP hasn't explained it fully, but where I live the "basement" is often a rec room space where kids this age tend to spend most of their time anyway.
This conflict isn't about the cat though. It's about the guy having to choose between pleasing his fiancee and pleasing his son. There HAS to be a compromise or a breakup.
When I said "happens to families all the time" I specifically meant the biologic family, not new partners.
So unless there are divorces happening because of the new pet, you are talking about something different.
Yes I get that. That is why I said they aren't a family. It's not the same thing as when two married people with a child go through this. Trust me this kid isn't going to take too kindly to having to give up his pet for a new step parent.
Ok, I have to say again, he is the dad, and for decisions, he does get to decide things. I was in a blended family, two actually, both my mom and dad remarried other people. My life would have been a lot nice if my step parents hadn't tried to act like my parents. They aren't my parents. They are just people who happened to be with my mom or dad.
Much as I am sure she is fond of this child, she isn't his mom. He has a mom. We always hear on this board about how parents should put kids first, well this guy is trying to put his kid first. Unfortunately, that means this may not be a viable relationship.
And you can't just drop an animal at a shelter like it's no big deal. Most of the animals don't make it out alive.
Hence I ended my post with "If he tells you something to the effect of "I'm his dad. I get to decide", then OP you will get into this same situation again. Is it worth it for you?"
No one is saying the cat has to go to an animal shelter. They could have a friend they can give the cat to. The fiance is not even trying.
It's not as if they're banishing him to a dungeon. The OP hasn't explained it fully, but where I live the "basement" is often a rec room space where kids this age tend to spend most of their time anyway.
This conflict isn't about the cat though. It's about the guy having to choose between pleasing his fiancee and pleasing his son. There HAS to be a compromise or a breakup.
Yes, its a large, beautiful rec room where the son hangs out a lot (it has his gaming system , TV, a sitting area with couches and so on) , definitely not a dungeon
Hence I ended my post with "If he tells you something to the effect of "I'm his dad. I get to decide", then OP you will get into this same situation again. Is it worth it for you?"
No one is saying the cat has to go to an animal shelter. They could have a friend they can give the cat to. The fiance is not even trying.
You are right, he isn't trying. I think the basement idea is a good one, if the son or someone else is down there a lot. But not if no one is ever there.
But come on, if it was so easy to have friends take in pets, none would end up at the shelters
"The allergy shots are a big time commitment as I would need to go to the doctor’s office to get the injection every month"
Who's not trying?
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